Emotional challenges

So about 18 months ago the 21 year old son of one of best friends suddenly died of an unexplained heart attack. He was fit, athletic and had just graduated from the same Uni as my daughter. Was a real shock. My kids and his kids had gone all through their lives together. It was at this time that I started smoking again - no-one's fault but mine. For at least a week I pretty much lived round their house and every evening my friend and I would drink some whisky and sit outside and smoke and I would hold him while he cried.

Yesterday morning I got a call from my friend's wife and she was upset and crying and said that she was worried about my friend - although he was putting a brave face on things she thought that he was struggling. These waves of deep emotional distress hit them from time to time - understandably. So last night I took my friend out for a drink to see if he was ok and to have another chat about the unfairness of life. He would describe himself as a "social smoker" and had brought a packet of cigarettes with him last night. When he offered me one the craving I had was the strongest ever - a real physical and emotional need to join him in having a cigarette. The good news is that I resisted. The truth is that life can be a real b*tch sometimes but I guess smoking doesn't make it any better (whatever we may think at the time when a craving hits). Today is another day - be strong everyone

15 Replies

  • hi fordy.

    there's nor a lot you can say about Greif.it lasts many.many years.i know.im living it.

    it can get hold of you at any time.its sad.but nothing we can do.just got to get past the sad moments.

    you doing good by your freind.and you know smoking will not help at all 😈

    take care

    keep kicking 😎

  • Hey Fordy, think you summed it up perfectly in the last 2 sentences

     'The truth is that life can be a real b*tch sometimes but I guess smoking doesn't make it any better (whatever we may think at the time when a craving hits). Today is another day - be strong everyone' 

    It definitely is and I think grief pain is the worse trigger for me.   Well done for resisting and for being a great friend....

  • Very sad story Fordy, can't imagine what it must be like for your mate.

    Well done for resisting the cig, especially in those circumstances.

  • How sad, but how true that smoking wouldn't change anything. Well done on both supporting your friend and for not smoking

  • That is very sad fordy every parents nightmare i cant imagine what your friend must be going through.you did well not smoking i bet it must have been very tempting.

  • Joe, it has been very sad - I have never seen a family go through so much grief. A really hard 18 months

  • Grief is a terrible thing ( my mum died almost a year ago )  but would imagine even worse so when the person is so young - not the natural way ....

    You did soooo well not giving in and just goes to show that however harsh life is , it can't take away your choices - and you chose not to smoke !! well done xx

  • Thanks Yvette. Grief is awful. I lost my mum 4 years ago this week and it stays with you. Doesn't compare to what they have gone through though - so raw

  • Wow this post really hit home with me. Smoking doesn't make anything better, EVER! Thanks for the reminder! 

    So sorry for your heartache! 


  • Thanks for your support Harkut. Felt that I had really achieved something by not smoking 

  • Having just caught up with this post, wouldn't wisdom be a wonderful gift to us, if only to realise, life is so very very special. And indeed taken away from people so very suddenly,  with all the deep emotions that go with loss of any one we hold close to our hearts.

    I,m not one for branding the word around (PROUD). But you my friend should indeed feel so very proud of getting through a huge emotional time with your friend. 

    It's so very true life is cruel, but there are indeed wonderful people around, and I,m taking a punt, but I believe your one of those wonders in life.

    How lovely to be able to pass time with a good mate when times are hard.

    How pleased I am you pushed on with your quit. 

    I,m giving you a big medal , well done Fordy

  • Tracey, your post is lovely - just made me cry

  • Oh I,m so so sorry, I haven't meant to up set you.

    I feel terrible, that I've up set you

  • Tracey absolutely no need to be sorry. Your post was lovely and sometimes shedding a tear or two can be a good thing 

  • Ah Thankyou, as yet I have never met any one who does not feel better after a good cry, that includes me.

    I some how find having a cry releases tensions


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