I had 3 cigarettes in the early hours of yesterday morning.
I'm not even apologising to myself because I knocked it on the head after that. My nerves were, and still are, frazzled.
I'll try to be brief with the story.
My only friend, (apart from my sister) of 30 years standing, wasn't answering his phone. We last spoke on Thurs, but as we usually contacted on a daily basis, as it got to Sunday, I began to worry.
I went to his tiny studio flat and found him on the floor. I thought, 'Oh, he's been on the pop', and with all my strength managed to get him onto his bed. I stayed with him all Sunday night, sitting in a chair. Neither of us slept and he talked gobbledygook all night. This is not alcohol, I thought, and rang 999 for an ambulance.
Upshot. My friend is very ill in hospital with advanced stages of Sepsis and has a 50% of survival. I visited him today and he didn't recognise me.
That's why I smoked!
But common sense prevailed and I didn't smoke any more.
Can I now knock a day off my quit, or is it begin again.
Weary.
Written by
Trasha
1000 Days Smoke Free
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Very sorry to hear that Trasha, what an awful thing to happen. Apologies for pestering you at a time like this and I really hope your friend pulls through.
As far as the quit goes I think it's up to you if you start from day one again. You're back into it and that's the important thing, so do whatever feels right for yourself.
Ah Trasha, what a dreadfully sad post to read, I really hope that your dear friend makes a full and speedy recovery.
With regards your quit, this is just my opinion, it is up to you as everyones quit is their own but I would start again from Day 1, I know you have not let the nicodemon in but if you don't it will give yourself and your brain mixed signals that in times of distress I can have one and get back on the quit. Starting from Day 1 again will give you that determination that you can't let times of distress win over the nicodemon.
Oh that is awful. I do hope both you and your dear friend are OK. I can understand why you smoked. Don't be too hard on yourself. You are back on the wagon so that is the main thing. I hope things turn out well.
Just popping my head round the door, life is so very fragile, in a moment of despair you just for only a brief moment in time reverted back to your old self, because indeed we smoked in terrible situations, but with all this sadness you are enduring, my word you soon kicked back in to action.
Just had a look in my little black book, I swear it says Trasha is doing blooming FANTASTIC, BRILLIANT, in what is a very upsetting time.
For me at least would just like to add, a couple of smokes, does not make you a smoker, neither here or there, your back on track, that's only a positive thing.
Hi Trasha...Ja bad one.....It is sadly a false sense of security we get from jumping on the smoking wagon again after a serious setback like you have had...Best now is get settled and start your quit at day one asap....Stay strong (Praying for your friend)
Apologies. I tried all last night to reply to your posts but each time I tried to get the site I got 'Mandrillapp.com', then, 'Oops, a problem occurred'. I gave up at 11.30p.m.
Re: My blip. Thank you all for your replies, but whilst I don't agree with all of them, I honestly feel that if anyone who was only on their 17th quit day, found themselves in that horrendously frightening situation, middle of the night, no-one to help, and not a clue as to what was happening, would have fallen down too.
I think that I will do my own counting. After all, I didn't have to come clean and tell of a six hour blip and then nobody would have been any wiser. Going back to count Monday as Day 1 I feel is a big penalty, not support, under the circumstances.
And for me, I have learned even more. How to be supportive to anyone in a very distressfull situation, not just a craving that we can battle.
Trasha, I had a similar situation with my son a few years ago. The stress was so much that I couldn't take it and I bought a pack of ten. I just couldn't stand anymore; feeling helpless while somebody I loved suffered...and I was months into the quit!
Also, unlike you, I continued to smoke.
You've done what you needed to do to get you through. There are no rules and everybody would do it differently.
Best wishes, look after yourself, and I hope things improve soon.
Thank you, Nozmo. Thankfully, the demon isn't nagging that badly. Still there, but manageable. Probably because I have other pressures at the mo.
Again tonight I've had problems with the site...Mandrillapp.com keeps stopping healthunlocked from opening. Last night it was my Tablet. Tonight it's the Tablet and Laptop. I've just managed to get on, so if I don't reply within a limited time span it's because of this problem and I don't know how to fix it.
No idea what's going on there Trasha. Apparently Mandrillapp is connected to mailchimp and is some sort of e-mail delivery service. I'm hopeless with stuff like this so can't really help.
You could try contacting somebody from admin to see if they know anything about the problem?
As you can see, I'm on site. It appears that during the day is better than night time. I did a Google search and found that somebody else had the same problem. But on clicking to read his post further, it wouldn't open. I'm not usually on the comp in the daytime...things to do, so it's a bit of a problem.
Yes, on looking at Mandrillapp it seems to be an email delivery service, but...they want paying.
I shall see what happens tonight when I try to get on.
As posted yesterday Trasha, everyones quit is unique and their own, you do what is best for you....nobody knows how they are going to react or cope in stressful and distressful situations and god knows I don't how next week is going to go with my hubby's operation, if there will be complications, etc....we can only do the best we can....
Wishing you strength and really hope your dear friend has improved and makes a speedy and full recovery and look forward to reading your progress,
PS This little family we have here is for sharing experiences, bad, good and indifferent, to support each other as best we can, its not for judging or ridiculing anyone. We all are in the same boat and can have a blip at any time.
In order to succeed and have solid quits we must be honest though and accept if we have a blip, it will only make us stronger...if we don't we are only fooling ourselves.....
Hi Roisin, I think that if I had been further into my quit perhaps things might have been different. But oh, it was so easy, even when it was horrible. I really made those 3 cigarettes my crutch......until I thought, 'What the hell am I doing?' I still think about it but I think that's natural and I'm aware of how easy it is.
My friend is responding to treatment. Just a little less gobbledegook and a flash of reality. Though the Doc says that there is a long way to go and he's not out of the woods yet. I just thank God there's still life there. As Lizzy would say, keep kicking.
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Non smoker / Ex smoker
Today I have not smoked for 13 days!
Testing times!!