still struggling day 6

I'm pregnant so I can't smoke and I won't, but I feel very unhappy about it (stopping smoking, not the pregnancy!)

I have read several of your posts on here now and you all seem extremely supportive and optimistic so I apologise for arriving with such glumness and pessimism - bit it's how I'm feeling.

I guess I'm looking to absorb some of your wonderful attitudes towards stopping so that I can feel...proud of myself/determined to stay quit after the baby/that elusive sense of freedom. I feel pretty much the opposite to all this right now and my outlook stinks and is very unlike me!

I am using patches and gum but the psychological claws are in deep...work days are ok but outside...I have shut myself away - I physically can't have a conversation with anybody as while their talking I just keep thinking "I want to smoke" over and over like a sick mantra and so I make excuses and shut the bedroom door/ignore the phone.

I can't believe how selfish I am by resenting this and again, I am sorry for bringing such negativity to a wonderfully positive group.

(ps, I am a CBT therapist so in regards to changing behaviours and behavioural patterns, I support people to do this every day - I REALLY should know better, it's quite ridiculous that I cannot apply it to myself!)

10 Replies

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  • Hi, I have three children, stopped smoking three times, started again within a week all three times. I resented having to stop, how bad does that sound.Its because you aren't doing it for yourself, its for a better reason your unborn child, doesn' mean its easy...be kind to yourself with the negative thoughts, you have stopped that's not selfish, that's wonderful x

  • same here...stopped smoking while pregnant and went back straight away!

    I think it's because we are doing it for any other reason other than the right reason. The way reason I am still quit this time is because I DO NOT WANT To smoke, nobody can make you stop or make you want to stop, you have to want it.

    But that aside, you will be fine, I was terribly sad (feeling sad) when I quit...I'd say it lasted about 3 or 3.5 weeks, and then came the Pride, I started to walk very proud instead.

    I no longer feel like I am missing something, but I still have to have loads of little "talks" with myself, just to remind me of why I become quit.

    It's a phase, just hang in there and everytime it starts to get a bit grey, pop into the forum.

    I found this forum VERY VERY good anytime I am about to make a bad decision.

  • Hi Bex, welcome to the board. Sounds like you're suffering from a touch of mental filter and emotional reasoning (sorry, couldn't resist)! The physical cravings should have peaked by now, so the psychological aspect is probably gaining prominence. Perhaps in this early stage, substitute a cigarette with something else nice, so you don't feel you are depriving yourself?

  • Thank you peeps. Alibonger, thanks for sharing your honestly about your pregnancy quits. I really appreciate being made to feel normal about this instead of the selfish cow I have been berating myself over being! I have read several of your posts while stalking this site and read that you are doing extremely well, congratulations.

    GrahamA - haha, yes! You're right, I definitely feel that it is my stupid, nicotine junkie mindset now and that in some ways makes me feel better. I thought about your advice and have decided to act...going to have a stroll up town...a naughty but nice kfc instead of a coffee and 4 cigs and a trip to boots after to buy delicious smellies rather than a post lunch smoke.

    I may stink like a 'tart's handbag' (as my mum would say) by the time my partner finishes work but I feel like it may be a more successful plan than sitting here stewing! And of all the things I may be trying to convince myself about the 'joys' of smoking, smelling like a stale pub in the '90's is not one of 'em!

  • Bex , hello and welcome aboard and congratulations on growing a small person :D So exciting - is he/she your first?

    I went straight back to smoking after I had my daughter - in spite of the fact that I was really glad I hadn't been smoking for nearly nine months. It's weird, I remember being so SO happy to have a 'reason' to stop when I fell pregnant. But I think the problem is not being prepared, mentally, for quitting. In my head, I was only stopped for as long as I had to be. I wish wish WISH I'd worked out that I could stop for life then. And I hope you do!

    We'll all be here to listen, offer a shoulder to cry on and help as best we can, stick with us :)

    You're not alone in shutting yourself away - when my other half quit, he didn't speak to ANYone for a fortnight!

    KFC and smellies sounds like a good plan, I hope it helped! I've found that getting up and doing something is absolutely invaluable - my car's tidy and clean, my cupboards are sorted, my house has never been hoovered so often...do anything to distract yourself and the nasty claws-in neediness will back down.

    Love and strength x

  • Congratulations on your pregnancy and welcome into the group. All our quits are different so we all react differently. Your hormones will be all over the place just now but I'm sure you will find it easier soon.

  • You are an inspiration sitting in a sunny bar and riding out your cravings like you did. Good for you, what a milestone. Be interested to find out if it was easier the next time? Thank you for commenting and offering support

  • Congratulations on your quit, your pregnancy and on joining the forum; I cannot tell you how supportive and encouraging it is.

    Sometimes it's a lot easier to do things for others than ourselves, and your growing baby is paramount. Although you might argue that you would be smoking for yourself, actually the opposite is true. By not smoking you would actually be doing something for you AND your family. So, spoil yourself and accept what a good thing you are doing for you. And deep, measured breaths, as if you're inhaling a cigarette, but it's clean air. :D

  • The deep breath thing really does help surprisingly! Thanks!

  • You're welcome. It works for me; when I remember to use it! :o)

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