Still struggling

Hi, I should be doing an oh yay one month done post, but am not feeling the yay at all.

Had a hellish day yesterday and it's not getting any better for me - even asked one of the girls at work for a fag, but she wouldn't give me one.

I am trying really hard, but somehow I can't stop craving a fag, it's ridiculous!!

I know that if I do fail, it's going to take time to get back on the wagon, and that I'll have to do this again - but right now it feels like I'm one of the people who can't quit.

40 Replies

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  • Oh Gemma...:(

    Sorry you're having a bad one again. You know really that it will get better and that smoking is not going to solve anything. All it will do is make you feel a whole lot worse.

    Look what you say in your signature- that one day you realised smoking did nothing for you- and repeat at least twenty times. That's really what you believe.

    Come on girl- you can do this. Don't let the Demon in. You're strong enough not to. :)

  • Gem I think we are all capable its just when it clicks. I will be honest here and say you must be exhausted I am watching from the sidelines. I think all the extra nrt u are taking is not helping your body levels are going up and down like a yoyo. I was a heavy smoker:ut only used patches. I dont get craves I get the voices and no amout of nrt is going to take them away. x

    I am exhausted by it Deb, it's taking so much out of me!!

    I have tried using less NRT but that makes it even worse, at least the minis take done of the crave away, without that its absolutely awful and I don't ha e the energy to fight through a long huge crave session :(

  • Oh Gemma...:(

    Sorry you're having a bad one again. You know really that it will get better and that smoking is not going to solve anything. All it will do is make you feel a whole lot worse.

    Look what you say in your signature- that one day you realised smoking did nothing for you- and repeat at least twenty times. That's really what you believe.

    Come on girl- you can do this. Don't let the Demon in. You're strong enough not to. :)

    I'm really trying to, it's not that I want to smoke it's that I'm so worn out with feeling like poo all the time and I think the nicodemon feeds on that!!

    It's a right pain

  • Oh Gemma, I don't know what to say other than I'm sending great big hugs your way.

    Huge well done on getting through the first month. It really will start to get easier. In fact, if you sat and properly remembered exactly how bad you felt in that first week, I bet you'd realise that it already is just ever so slightly easier. It just doesn't feel like it when you have a nightmare day.

    I used to take a good look at how I was feeling every Monday morning. I would realise that something was easier than it had been the previous Monday, be it physical or psychological. Every single Monday showed me that I was improving and I can't say how much that helped me. I did that for about the first three months of my quit.

    Your daily posts at the beginning of your quit are effectively the same. Why don't you go back and read them and try to remember how you felt as you wrote each one. You'll see that you have come such a long way already Gemma.

    Stay strong hun, you can do this, we're all here. :)

  • Oh Gemma, I don't know what to say other than I'm sending great big hugs your way.

    Huge well done on getting through the first month. It really will start to get easier. In fact, if you sat and properly remembered exactly how bad you felt in that first week, I bet you'd realise that it already is just ever so slightly easier. It just doesn't feel like it when you have a nightmare day.

    I used to take a good look at how I was feeling every Monday morning. I would realise that something was easier than it had been the previous Monday, be it physical or psychological. Every single Monday showed me that I was improving and I can't say how much that helped me. I did that for about the first three months of my quit.

    Your daily posts at the beginning of your quit are effectively the same. Why don't you go back and read them and try to remember how you felt as you wrote each one. You'll see that you have come such a long way already Gemma.

    Stay strong hun, you can do this, we're all here. :)

    Thanks hun :)

    I'll go and have a look, anything to try to ease the cravings!!

    I really appreciate it, thanks heaps

  • Hi Gemma

    Sorry you are still having a rough time of it. You might want to punch me some days when you see my happy posts but I am a huge believer of mind over matter. Is there something you can do today that will take you out of your normal routine and relax you? I find a long walk in a really natural scenic environment can help or just a nice long drive along some country roads. Anything to take you away from the mundane normality of every day life and give you some space to clear your head.

    I hope things get better Gem x

  • You could even play some happy music and sing along :D

    Yeah I know, I'm too much lol :)

  • Hi Gemma,

    Sorry to hear you're having a rough time, :( and at the same time MASSIVE

    congratulations on reaching a brilliant new milestone :)

    Over the last few weeks, it's occurred to me that quitting is maybe less about

    conquering smoking and more about conquering ones fear of quitting.

    Max is right...to paraphrase Sarah Millican: stop waiting for the light at the

    end of the tunnel. Stomp along there and turn the ****** on yourself :D

    Easy to say, I know. But mindset is a CHOICE. And I've seen your positivity

    shine out in your words this month, so I KNOW you've got what it takes.

    Do YOU know why you're feeling like this at the moment, though? What it is

    that makes you believe you can't quit? Figure that out, and it'll get a million

    times easier I promise.

    Because life does have a tendency to **** on us from time to time. But you

    know what? The sweetest smelling flowers will grow from that manure, as

    long as you keep watering the seeds...

    Good grief. Talk about mixing metaphors :eek: Oscar Wilde I ain't.

    Stay strong. It's OK to feel bad once in a while. That's what we're here for.

  • So sorry it's so hard still, I think Max is right. You're hanging on to smoking. I think it's the fear that you've nearly quit that is making it so hard for you.

    The demon inside you is realising that if you go a few more days then he's dead in the water and you'll be smoke free and happy about it for the rest of your life.

    List 10 reasons why you want to smoke or what you see about smoking that you still want. Don't say addicted as you're getting the nicotine which is what you're physically addicted to. Why is it that mentally you want to smoke? Is it the standing outside in the rain? lol that's one I'm going to miss as well but hey we'll just have to live without that 'pleasure'

    Smoking is a horrible expensive habit that steals away our dignity, control, health and eventually our life. Makes you smell and just does not go with the pretty positive in control image I have of you.

    Hope you can get you're brain right on this one as you've been such a huge support and inspiration for me and I would hate to see you fall when you're so very close.

    Hugs hugs hugs.

  • I have to agree with the others....

    Linda said it before I could,it's mind over matter.That may sound cliche but I convinced myself I could never quit.Believe me Gem if you knew the stresses Iv had this last few yrs you would understand why I couldn't.my nerves were shot to pieces.But this time was different because though the stresses are still there I know smoking made it worse not better.

    Which takes me to what Max has said(that man knows his onions):)I used to cling onto smoking,didn't really want to quit in my heart.Would put a patch on but smoke by midday.

    Gemma Hun I know I'm not out of the woods yet,but if I can stop anyone can.I was a stressy nervy smoker,and I was smoking more and more.clinging to the thought that I was just a diehard smoker,pushing thoughts of cancer and dying in the back of my mind...ignoring the painful chest.........

    Of course none of this helps your current predicament!!!

    I would do as the others say,kick it all into touch.Scrap most of the nrt,it seems to be making you worse,Just stick to patches or the minis and stop romanticising about the stinky things.

    Come on Gem,you are no different than all the other quitters,it's your mindset that needs changing .

    Have you ever visited a hypnotist..it could be last piece of the puzzle Hun.

    You are nearly there,have done so brilliantyou can go the distance if you put your mind to it!!!

    Come on we are all behind you,every last one of us,because we have been there. X

  • Gemma, it's all in your head now, and the sooner you decide there's absolutely no way you're going to smoke, the sooner you'll feel 100% better than you're feeling now.

    You're getting plenty of nicotine from the NRT, that is the addictive drug, and you're getting plenty.

    The longer you hold onto smoking possibly being an option for you, the more you'll struggle. This is 90% in your head now.

    Doesn't matter how grotty you feel, how much lack of sleep you've had, how stressed you are, how tired you are, what news you receive, how much other smokers seen happier than you, the ONE THING you ABSOLUTELY KNOW, is that you're not smoking. That is completely not an option, it will get much easier Gemma and I promise.

    In you're mind at the moment, you're constantly waiting for the day when it's gonna be bad enough for you to have an excuse to smoke, and that's just keeping you waiting day after day after day. You're constantly waiting for that bit of news that gives you the excuse you need to light up, and that's what's keeping you nervous and on edge all the time.

    Something I think that's very important, is that you can go and smoke whenever you like. You're a grown women. So, you're no punishing yourself, you're not depriving yourself, you're doing exactly what you want now, which is not smoke!

    The mindset you need:

    - I haven't smoked now for ages. And there is nothing that can happen now that will make me smoke. No amount of bad news, no amount of stress. I'm not smoking anymore.

  • Gemma, you wonderful girl, WELL DONE on reaching a huge milestone!

    I know it's horrible right now, but it is such a cause for celebration :) Nasty Nic is starting to get a bit edgy now, wondering how much longer he can keep his claws in you. He's getting desperate hun, but you just have to remember to swat him away! :p Don't let his whispetings in your ear get you down.

    How dare he make you feel so rotten?! And what would you get in return for giving him what he wants? Stinky breath, no money and a feeling of disappointment. That doesn't sound like a fair deal to me! *begins waving frying pan around*

    Hang in there and believe that YOU CAN DO THIS. If you worry about failure it's almost inevitable. Instead, embrace each craving as another step forward to freedom. xxx

  • Thank you guys, there's a lot for me to think about!!

    It's really helpful to get a good mix of support/encouragement and some stern words, which considering I had regressed into a bit of a stroppy teenager were definitely needed.

    I'm still on the wagon, just clinging on but I haven't smoked which is the main thing.

    Am definitely not ignoring any of your posts - they are all very much appreciated!!

    Thankyou again, Gemma xx

  • Ets 147.... Some really wise words and good advice in your post.:D

    Ultimately it's down to Gemma.....in her heart if this is going the distance..:confused:

    I really hope so.x

  • Gemma, it's all in your head now, and the sooner you decide there's absolutely no way you're going to smoke, the sooner you'll feel 100% better than you're feeling now.

    You're getting plenty of nicotine from the NRT, that is the addictive drug, and you're getting plenty.

    The longer you hold onto smoking possibly being an option for you, the more you'll struggle. This is 90% in your head now.

    Doesn't matter how grotty you feel, how much lack of sleep you've had, how stressed you are, how tired you are, what news you receive, how much other smokers seen happier than you, the ONE THING you ABSOLUTELY KNOW, is that you're not smoking. That is completely not an option, it will get much easier Gemma and I promise.

    In you're mind at the moment, you're constantly waiting for the day when it's gonna be bad enough for you to have an excuse to smoke, and that's just keeping you waiting day after day after day. You're constantly waiting for that bit of news that gives you the excuse you need to light up, and that's what's keeping you nervous and on edge all the time.

    Something I think that's very important, is that you can go and smoke whenever you like. You're a grown women. So, you're no punishing yourself, you're not depriving yourself, you're doing exactly what you want now, which is not smoke!

    The mindset you need:

    - I haven't smoked now for ages. And there is nothing that can happen now that will make me smoke. No amount of bad news, no amount of stress. I'm not smoking anymore.

    I know what you mean, it is a mental thing now (in more ways than just one) and I need to uncover the thing in me that like you and Max said, still clings onto the idea of smoking.

    It's annoying and a bit worrying because while I *know* that smoking is an incredibly expensive, addictive, deadly addiction and it has nothing going for it, somehow there's this bit of me that can't let go of the past.

    Got to track it down and stamp on it, lol.

    It's really hard to put into words - it's not that I want to smoke, I don't like the smell, didn't like the taste when I smoked over 30 of them a day so now it would be enough to make me puke, but there's this sort of crave going on? If that makes any sense I mean!!

  • Oh WELL DONE Gemma!! :D

    You just carry on clinging girl.

    So glad you're still with us. :):)

  • Thank you guys, there's a lot for me to think about!!

    It's really helpful to get a good mix of support/encouragement and some stern words, which considering I had regressed into a bit of a stroppy teenager were definitely needed.

    I'm still on the wagon, just clinging on but I haven't smoked which is the main thing.

    Am definitely not ignoring any of your posts - they are all very much appreciated!!

    Thankyou again, Gemma xx

    Clinging on will work just fine sweetie pie :) Just as long as you don't let go. Feel free to PM me if you need anything at all! xxx

  • Yes it's very hard, Gemma. It's a habit you've had for a very long time.

    Instead of being scared and frightened by it though, just accept it's tough some days. It's not gonna kill you. You're not gonna end up in hospital. It can just be frustrating some days.

    So just accept it for what it is. Don't let it scare you, don't let it frighten you. You're just busy at the moment breaking a long term habit.

    Every single day you do, you're further and further away from that habit.

  • I have to agree with the others....

    Linda said it before I could,it's mind over matter.That may sound cliche but I convinced myself I could never quit.Believe me Gem if you knew the stresses Iv had this last few yrs you would understand why I couldn't.my nerves were shot to pieces.But this time was different because though the stresses are still there I know smoking made it worse not better.

    Which takes me to what Max has said(that man knows his onions):)I used to cling onto smoking,didn't really want to quit in my heart.Would put a patch on but smoke by midday.

    Gemma Hun I know I'm not out of the woods yet,but if I can stop anyone can.I was a stressy nervy smoker,and I was smoking more and more.clinging to the thought that I was just a diehard smoker,pushing thoughts of cancer and dying in the back of my mind...ignoring the painful chest.........

    Of course none of this helps your current predicament!!!

    I would do as the others say,kick it all into touch.Scrap most of the nrt,it seems to be making you worse,Just stick to patches or the minis and stop romanticising about the stinky things.

    Come on Gem,you are no different than all the other quitters,it's your mindset that needs changing .

    Have you ever visited a hypnotist..it could be last piece of the puzzle Hun.

    You are nearly there,have done so brilliantyou can go the distance if you put your mind to it!!!

    Come on we are all behind you,every last one of us,because we have been there. X

    Thanks :)

    Molly suggested hypnotherapy to me as well and it's a route i might well go down - I want to beat this, hell I have to because if I do go back to smoking after blowing 2 quits in quick succession my confidence would take one hell of a knock and goodness knows how long it would take to get back on track!!

    Am going to fight as hard as I can for this!!

    Please don't give up now I know you can do this :D

    You said to me the other day how happy I sounded all the time.

    Believe me from yesterday I haven't been, voices in my head so much I had a banging headache and cravings still going strong now.

    There are two things keeping me going one I don't want to go back today one, and two your comments to me on day 22 which gave me a boost.

    You are strong just having a bad time at mo :(:( but I know you can do this:cool:

    Xx

    Aww thanks hun, it's lovely to know i've helped!!

    How about we promise each other that come hell or high water, we'll neither of us smoke today? :D

    xxx

    Hi Gemma

    Sorry you are still having a rough time of it. You might want to punch me some days when you see my happy posts but I am a huge believer of mind over matter. Is there something you can do today that will take you out of your normal routine and relax you? I find a long walk in a really natural scenic environment can help or just a nice long drive along some country roads. Anything to take you away from the mundane normality of every day life and give you some space to clear your head.

    I hope things get better Gem x

    Thanks Linda, believe me I never wantto punch happy, positive people!!Myself sometimes yeah but it's very inspiring to see people doin so well!!

    You know what hon, the "yay!" posts are wonderful and we all love to see them, it helps remind those who are having a rough time that better days are coming, BUT there is definitely a place also for the "this sucks" posts because it shows those who are having a rough time that they are not alone. We can all sail along, happy as Larry, when it's going well and it's easy but it takes determination to press on through when it's foul and rotten and you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel.

    Hang in there hon, listen to us folks who've made it to the Penthouse and can say, with complete honesty and total truthfulness, that we NEVER thought we could do this BUT WE HAVE and smoking is a thing of the past. You can consign it to history too petal, just keep taking that next step before your feet and don't look too far down the road.

    Proud of you sweetpea xxx

    Thanks Kat, that's really helpful - it is good ot know that other people have been the same as me and have kicked smoking into the dust!!

    xxx

  • Yes it's very hard, Gemma. It's a habit you've had for a very long time.

    Instead of being scared and frightened by it though, just accept it's tough some days. It's not gonna kill you. You're not gonna end up in hospital. It can just be frustrating some days.

    So just accept it for what it is. Don't let it scare you, don't let it frighten you. You're just busy at the moment breaking a long term habit.

    Every single day you do, you're further and further away from that habit.

    That's true, I started social smoking at 13, and have been an on/off smoker since 16 so I guess it's a case of learning how to live as a non-smoker.

    It is overwhelming at times, almost as if it's too strong for me but it's got to be done - and if I blew this quit it would only mean going through this months, years down the line - and then it would be even tougher.

    I'll dig down and try to power through :)

  • You have a deal neither of us smoke today, we are stronger than this just a bad day, its going to be better tomorrow :D:D xx

    You're on :D xx

  • Well done, Gemma :)

    At this stage in our quits, we're still prisoners to the weed.

    But -- prisoners who don't move aren't aware of their chains.

    And we ARE moving.

    And yes, we do sometimes get reminded of the chains keeping us trapped.

    And yes, that reminds us that we are still prisoners.

    And yes, that sometimes makes us feel bad.

    And yes, that is perfectly fine.

    As long as we know that hour by hour, day by day, we are BREAKING those chains.

    We will be free

    You know! You know! You know! Shamon!

  • Well done, Gemma :)

    At this stage in our quits, we're still prisoners to the weed.

    But -- prisoners who don't move aren't aware of their chains.

    And we ARE moving.

    And yes, we do sometimes get reminded of the chains keeping us trapped.

    And yes, that reminds us that we are still prisoners.

    And yes, that sometimes makes us feel bad.

    And yes, that is perfectly fine.

    As long as we know that hour by hour, day by day, we are BREAKING those chains.

    We will be free

    You know! You know! You know! Shamon!

    I love that, YAY Michael, er sorry, Steve :p

    I am feeling - well not better have acepted it's going to be a long slog - but at least i feel it's doable now!!

    I guess, because I've smoked for a large part of my life, and for most of that enjoyed/thought I enjoyed it, the transition to becoming a happy non-smoker is going to be a hard one. But, it's worth doing, and it's worth doing well :)

    Thanks to everyone who's taken the time to post, whether it's been hugs and come on or sterner words, I've read and appreciated all your posts :)

  • And Gem:). Max said you,ll stop if it kills him:)

    You wouldn't want that on your conscience would you:D

    Ps just sit Dow and revaluate your whole quit and what your using.1mth under your belt,onwards and upwards from here...things can only get better:D

  • And Gem:). Max said you,ll stop if it kills him:)

    You wouldn't want that on your conscience would you:D

    Lol, it might make the poor bloke cry :eek::eek::eek:

  • :(

    Ahhh hun

    Lots of wise words spoken from everyone showing compassion understanding and care

    I really hope you manage to get through this and come out the otherwise

    Sending gentle hugs and love to you

    Just keep in mind Dora singing

    "just keep swimming"

    :)

    XXX

  • Something to read Gem x

    whyquit.com/whyquit/A_Carin...

  • :(

    Ahhh hun

    Lots of wise words spoken from everyone showing compassion understanding and care

    I really hope you manage to get through this and come out the otherwise

    Sending gentle hugs and love to you

    Just keep in mind Dora singing

    "just keep swimming"

    :)

    XXX

    Aww thanks hun!! xxx

    whyquit.com/whyquit/A_Carin...

    Oooh I'll have a look, thanks!!

  • I threatened to come and arrest Gemma if she failed her 9 month quit-and she failed it :rolleyes: some threat that huh :D

    Gemma it occurs to me also,that you are not so good at doing this stuff alone-no offence there-what you need is a QUIT BUDDY someone like Tractor girl perhaps,someone you can check on each day,bounce ideas off,someone who you will be letting down if you fail.Cos although you seem to absorb the support people offer,and you say all the right things,I get the distinct impression that you only really take any notice of what Gemma's brain says to her,when you two are alone ;)

    Gemma's brain is NOT giving you the right answers.

    WE are giving you the right answers,listen to US not that brain. :D xx

    Lol yeah you did and I was watching out for a police car whenever i sparked up!!

    That's a good idea Max, I do need some extra encouragement in a way - and yes i have a stupid brain :eek:

  • I only have 2 brain cells so cant help with the brain bit. You need at text buddy Gem x

    LOL I ain't exactly the brightest crayon in the pack either :p x

  • That's because we share one and I needed all of it today because I've had so much on my desk! Will give you half back now, promise!

    YAY I need the brain back!! :p

  • How are you feeling?

    Hope you are feeling better today honey bunch!! It's a real roller coaster but you know you can do this. Hang in there!!

    Lots of hugs coming your way....

  • Gemma the fact you posted this and didn't just sneak of to buy cigarettes speaks volumes.

    Hope today you have woken up and it's a better day :)

    That's true :)

    I did get really close but it wasn't that I wanted a fag, or thought it would be nice - I *really* want to beat this, but I felt so overwhelmed by it!!

    It really helped posting here and reading everyone's advice - I even managed to fill my car up and stand in front of the fag counter without being tempted. My old fags have gone up *again* by the way :eek::eek:

    I am feeling a lot better today thanks :D

  • Hope you are feeling better today honey bunch!! It's a real roller coaster but you know you can do this. Hang in there!!

    Lots of hugs coming your way....

    Aww thanks hun :)

    I'm a lot better and still a non-smoker YAY!!

    How can you feel like someone who can't quit, you are quit silly!! :rolleyes: Now you just need to stay quit, it sounds to me like you're allowing the grip of the addiction to slowly sink it's claws into you, you need to STOP!!! Stop that right now, you're allowing this to be this bad honey with with the low ebb you're feeling, come on Gems!! COME ON!! You can do this, if you smoke and quit again you won't be getting in that pent house with the Cupster and then where will you be hey :p

    Gems, get up, get busy, lots of deep breaths, do not allow this to drag you back under the murky depths of this misery we call smoking, it tastes vile, it smells vile, it costs shed loads of money and it slowly kills us, you only want one because you're addicted, the only way to not be addicted is to keep going, straight forward, don't look anywhere but ahead and keep marching forward with me, we can do this, we will do this!! I'm sorry I've not been about the last few days but I'm here now so come on, together we will get to that pent house because we're ace :D:D

    Aww thanks Cupster!! Yes you're right and I am thinking about it wrong, 'cos I am a non-smoker and I am doing it!!

    I guess because I'm a worrier, and definitely overthink things it's easy for me to think myself into failing :mad:

    In a way it's because when I feel rubbish (and quitting can definitely do that in the early days) my mind goes back to when iwas happy and tries to convince me that it was because I smoked, not because i was just happy anyway. Does that make sense?

    What I need to do is refresh my memory of how flipping miserable smoking made me - and it did. No way do I want to go back to that, all the money, all the smell, the cough none of it was good.

    I'll definitely look into hypnosis, and will go on the hunt for some more quitting books to get the demon right off my back!!

    Oooh and yes we'll be walking through the Penthouse doors together :D

  • That's the get petrol trigger crossed of the list.

    My brand are £8.65 a packet :eek:

    Oh wow!! They're incredibly expensive, my old ones were about £8.40 yesterday :eek:

  • So glad you made it through the wobble Gemma and you sound even more positive. (If that's possible):) Maybe it works that way, every wobble you get past strengthens your resolve.

    I'm not brave enough yet to approach the fag counter. I've been using the pay at the pump option so I don't have to go in.

  • So glad you made it through the wobble Gemma and you sound even more positive. (If that's possible):) Maybe it works that way, every wobble you get past strengthens your resolve.

    Aww thanks :)

    I think in a way every time you do face down the nicodemon, it shows that you don't have to smoke, that you're fine and life goes on without putting a cigarette in your mouth, so it makes his hold that bit weaker!!

    I'm not brave enough yet to approach the fag counter. I've been using the pay at the pump option so I don't have to go in.

    Oooh I don't blame you but you'll be fine!!

    Lol I did get my mum to go in the shop for me to pay before :p

  • Ah, but did you :p at them?

    LOL!!

    Um no, I think they might have thought i was a bit mental :eek:

    I saw the white packets looking down at me, thought "meh" then "oh wow they've gone up again"

  • Hi Gemma Lou

    You won't remember me, however you gave me great support last year and thank you, sooooooo nice to see you doing well :p

  • Oh totally, that's what's slipped here is your memento, you must get it back to make this as smooth as you can, read, read and read some more!! As soon as your positive mind set slips you've lost half of the battle :o get that strong spirit back Gems so we can fight this head on together :D

    Yeah i know what you mean Cupster - it's a mental battle far more than a withdrawal one!!

    Well I'm working on finding what sets it going and then I'll splat it like a bug!!

    Logically the last thing in the world I want is a fag - hated the flipping things when I smoked so it's a case of getting to the bit of me that can't accept that. Probably because mentally I'm still 14 :p

    Perhaps I should find something else "rebellious" to do? *ponders* :p

    You won't remember me, however you gave me great support last year and thank you, sooooooo nice to see you doing well :p

    Aww hiya Tracey!!

    Welcome back :D

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