I'M STARTING TO BREAK

Oh god I'm not as strong as I thought. He's pushed my buttons all morning and I'm on the verge of breaking. Is he right would they be better off with him? If I can't even quit smoking for my own health what type of mother am I? Maybe I should stop worrying about what others will think and what will happen to me and let the madbabies go and live with him or me go and he move back here! Everything is such a mess I don't know what to do, I don't know how to start putting things right and making us happy. At least with smoking I had something to fall back on, something made me feel good albeit for 5 mins, they never complained, they were always there and now I making it sound great. What's the matter with me, why can't I just stay strong because I'm weak. No one needs to answer me I just need to get this out before my head explodes.

EDIT: I never broke and I never gave in

12 Replies

oldestnewest
  • MM please don't doubt yourself, smoking is so very hard to quit I have tried on and off for years as have loads of others, what you have achieved is amazing so far please don't say you are weak you are anything but, you are giving it a go, I'm not sure if you are talking about real babies or fur babies but either way finding it hard to quit smoking is no reflection on you as a mum, you are brilliant for even attempting to quit so don't forget it hun, sending you massive hugs xxxx

  • Same as me Lostie but we are all here for a reason and that's to support each other, how you are ok xx

  • Hey MM how are you doing? Let us know you are ok xx

  • Hi mm, you are strong, you my lovely are getting through a tough day, I took my buddy grandson ( he's 3 ) back home yesterday , he just wanted to see his mummy! quite right , you need faith you are your babies mummy and you might have to fight to have what is rightly your.

    At times we all feel weak, and indeed some times can't see the way forward,but you know forward it will go, you are amazing,

    Please hang tight your children know you love them, they need you like you need them my lovely. Hang tight, in time it will get better, but for today, it's ok to feel carp, upset, but I beg you a year from now you will indeed be in a much better place, t

  • Poor you, what a dreadful day. Just because you smoke, it doesn't make you a bad mum. Like the rest of us here you just made a bad choice starting smoking but you are not a weak person. Stopping smoking is hard, especially when you have so much other stress in your life at the moment. You are now choosing to quit and one of the hardest things is to get through all these triggers without giving in.

    Whatever happens with your quit be kind to yourself and I hope things get better for you soon.

  • Madmummy, this is a horrible day just about everywhere I think. There must be some ill planet reigning or something.

    Please don't let him undermine your confidence. I rather suspect he's been doing that for years (which is why you made the very wise decision to get shot of him). He's almost certainly nose out of joint because you're managing to not only cope without him but to do extremely well (and reinvent yourself in the process) and he's therefore trying to pull the rug from under you. Just tell yourself what a strong, wonderful, clever and beautiful person you are and be proud of yourself and your children (who will do far, far better with a positive roll model like you than they would with him :mad:).

    I hope that by the time you read this you're feeling better and the crisis of confidence has passed. Big hugs heading your way and tomorrow will be a better day. :)

  • Hi everyone, thank you for all your support. I am pleased to announce that I NEVER gave in!! I nearly did and if it hadn't been for the bus coming around the corner and me changing my plans at the last minute I may well have got some cigs.

    After the ex came and picked up the madbabies, I was in all truthfulness heading towards the shop, I did however take the bus into town and I went shopping. I got a new pair of jeans and I had lunch on my own (don't be sad it was actually very nice). My phone went off a billion times because he'd decided to drop the babies off after an hour and half and I wasn't there. It felt great telling him I would be back when I was ready (that's what he tells me all the time and like a muppet I sit and wait in case he brings them back early and he usually does).

    I arrived back home to find them sat in the garden waiting for me and him with a face like a slapped bum. The babies were glad to see me and he was just irrelevant and I just walked past him and let the babies back in the house and I closed the door behind me, I could feel the death stare through the door. One thing I will say though about giving up I can smell everything and I mean everything.

    So all in all what started off as the biggest crappiest day in the world actually ended as a really good one and I will keep looking at this day as the one that has helped me the most and break a cycle.

    P.S We've decided to go bowling and pizza as our treat next week for my 1 month free xxxx

  • So all in all what started off as the biggest crappiest day in the world actually ended as a really good one and I will keep looking at this day as the one that has helped me the most and break a cycle.

    Tremendous stuff today MM :)

    I like your thinking above, it's exactly what I did during the start of my quit and I'm now over 3 years free! :)

    Remember today forever. It was hard, really tough and you thought you would smoke, but you didn't!

    If you can get through a day like today, you can get through any day. Every time the going gets tough, remember today - it was tough but you made it!

    How great does it feel :)

  • And a treat is well deserved, quite a emotional time your having, but wow you are pushing mr NICO to the ground quite nicely.

    Am hoping better times a head for you.

    A huge congratulations from me

  • Day 21 today who would have believed it after the melt down at the weekend. I'm actually feeling great both mentally and physically. I have been a little bit tetchy with the madbabies but at the moment I am seriously so tired I could just hide under the covers when the alarm goes off, but we have to get up and go to school and work, roll on next week for half term!!

    I do have a chest Xray booked for tomorrow morning as I've had this cough (and I know it's just my lungs clearing out) but the DR wants to make sure there are no air pockets forming which will cause another collapsed lung. So I'll be moving out from here tomorrow and moving into the month free section sometime soon, it feels great and the month just seems to be flying.

    I do want to THANK each and everyone of you who's helped me get this far and will continue to hold my hand and listen to me moan whilst we all carry on our journey and become Nick free!

  • By how that time is passing, and doing so very well, nearly a month done and dusted, fantastic.

    Am hoping all will be fine tomorrow, as you said my lovely more precautionary,

    Doing really well, huge congratulations

  • Brilliant news MM, so near to that first month now, hope the x ray goes well and glad you had a good day in the end yesterday xx

You may also like...