Oh god I'm not as strong as I thought. He's pushed my buttons all morning and I'm on the verge of breaking. Is he right would they be better off with him? If I can't even quit smoking for my own health what type of mother am I? Maybe I should stop worrying about what others will think and what will happen to me and let the madbabies go and live with him or me go and he move back here! Everything is such a mess I don't know what to do, I don't know how to start putting things right and making us happy. At least with smoking I had something to fall back on, something made me feel good albeit for 5 mins, they never complained, they were always there and now I making it sound great. What's the matter with me, why can't I just stay strong because I'm weak. No one needs to answer me I just need to get this out before my head explodes.
EDIT: I never broke and I never gave in