So - I have triggers to deal with

OH (see day 1 post) has decided that today I am not worth speaking to, apart from his unerring need to articulate (every 30 mins) my flaws.

Today my flaws are:

Having an inexcusably offensive gap in my fringe

Talking too loudly in the garden

Sending a text message to my mum at a cost of 10p

Using 272 grams of chicken in making a curry, not 250g

(Note - this is not unusual, or something I can't handle, just I am writing it down as a quit aid idea this time round!)

Apparently the above make me an OBVIOUS abomination to the human race.....well I beg to disagree - but the anticipated Friday night curry and movie are not happening unless I....

Sort out my hair

Apologise for talking

Don't use the mobile for a month

Remove 2 pieces of chicken from the curry

This is not happening so...

The evening is lovely, the air smells sweet, the wine is cold and I will manage despite the temptation to turn to my old matey Mr B&H

:)

M

19 Replies

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  • Well, you could always:

    Comb your fringe

    Speak quietly in the garden

    Don't send text messages

    Weigh the chicken before cooking

    :):):):):)

    or

    sit back and enjoy that glass of cold wine ;)

    Smoking will solve nothing at all.

  • Fab advice....

    - Hair sorted

    - Whispering only

    - Phone boiling as I type

    - chicken weighed

    :D:D:D:D:D:D

  • Wow, now that you have done all that I hope you enjoy the evening! :eek:

    Hey chica, I am just glad you are maintaining your sense of humor :)

    Kill em with kindness and be good to yourself. Btw: Ol B&H is not your friend ;) just remember one more day almost done....

    xoxo take care!

  • Gosh!

    That hurts

    M

  • Karri,

    I think maybe you've mistaken Mina's reasons for posting this. I think (forgive me if I'm wrong Mina) she's trying to highlight how difficult the situation is and what's triggering her stress moments which in turn trigger her to smoke.

    Concrete examples of the day to day realities of living/ caring for someone who has a condition like this is the only way that outsiders can understand the true nature/horror of what looks like a simple medical definition.

  • Mina, I think you are amazing even thinking about quitting let alone giving it another bash, and reading about your situation makes me think what a strong, loving, supportive person you are. I don't see a blow by blow account of your OH's failings but a synopsis of the condition, written by a professional, and copied by yourself on to the forum to give us an understanding of the illness. You have only given us a glimpse of what you put up with on a day to day basis (I doubt you'd ever find the time to write everything down!!) and IMHO would think your OH wouldn't give a monkeys about you posting on here, his condition won't allow him to take ownership of a problem, therefore the problem is yours and nothing to do with him. I probably shouldn't, but I can't help but envision BBT's Sheldon, but on uppers and downers at the same time. You work, you run the house, you deal with partner struggling with mental health issues yet you still find the strength to support and encourage everyone else! You say you put on a brave face in front of friends and family which means you can't really talk to them, that being the case you need to let off steam somewhere - do what's right for you, at the end of the day other members opinions are just that - opinions, use them like tools, take the ones that help and disregards the ones that don't. ;)

  • I read Mina's original thread about her husband and his conditions. Then I also read this thread.

    He sounds like a bag of douche and I think if I lived with him I wouldn't ever be able to quit smoking.

  • I had thought to post as a way of exorcising the craves, nothing more than that – somewhat naively I had considered this as something of a tool to help my quit, but should have been more alert to the sensibilities and sensitivities of others.

    To those of you who understood this motivation, flawed or otherwise, – big thanks :)

    Anyway – enough of that – Day Four, this morning my oriental poppies have burst into bloom, and I am feeling good again - I know that 72 hours done means the nicotine is gone from the system…..now it's down to me and my head!

    Onwards :cool:

    M

    x

  • Just read this and Jen has hit the nail on the head perfectly, vent away hun if it helps you keep off the blasted cigs xxx

  • Mina, I think you are amazing even thinking about quitting let alone giving it another bash, and reading about your situation makes me think what a strong, loving, supportive person you are. I don't see a blow by blow account of your OH's failings but a synopsis of the condition, written by a professional, and copied by yourself on to the forum to give us an understanding of the illness. You have only given us a glimpse of what you put up with on a day to day basis (I doubt you'd ever find the time to write everything down!!) and IMHO would think your OH wouldn't give a monkeys about you posting on here, his condition won't allow him to take ownership of a problem, therefore the problem is yours and nothing to do with him. I probably shouldn't, but I can't help but envision BBT's Sheldon, but on uppers and downers at the same time. You work, you run the house, you deal with partner struggling with mental health issues yet you still find the strength to support and encourage everyone else! You say you put on a brave face in front of friends and family which means you can't really talk to them, that being the case you need to let off steam somewhere - do what's right for you, at the end of the day other members opinions are just that - opinions, use them like tools, take the ones that help and disregards the ones that don't. ;)

    Pure wise words, jenninegs :cool:

    Mental health is a complex spectrum of greys.

    So hats off to you Mina! You're a bit of a hero, hey?

    Karri -- I think if Mina were fishing for sympathy, she would've told her story a few months ago. BUT I don't think Mina is an attention seeker!

    However....I do agree with you, too, Karri. I'd feel pretty ****ty if I were Mina's hubster reading this thread. I can only assume though that Mina has ensured that never the twain shall meet. And therefore...it's not a problem and no-one has to feel bad.

  • Hi Mina.

    This has stirred up a mini storm, I think you are on here to quit smoking.

    So whatever it takes as long as you are successful, sod everyone else.

    You just keep going my dear :D

  • Hi Steve,

    At last, someone who talks directly to me lol.

    I wasn't implying Mina was an attention seeker. What I was saying was that it felt as though now that everyone knows about things like the chicken weighing and the fringe etc, if Mina fails people will no doubt say "well I'm not surprised." It's getting more sympathy for a failure which is where I was coming from

    What makes me laugh about this thread the most is that Debbie tells Mina to leave her husband but Jen chooses to pick up on my words and all I said was it's not right to talk about him!!!

    I have two things in common with Mina. I fail quits and I have a member of the family who is autistic so I know all about criticism and accuracy. I also know that it's hard but that is just the way the person is and you have to let it go over your head. It isn't a reason to throw in a quit though, it's just an excuse like any other.

    It's lovely to see so many nice people on the forum but nice doesn't help people struggling to quit. Telling Mina she is brave to be trying to quit is sweet but it's not going to help her sustain a quit. Quitting smoking is hard and the more people say I'm not surprised you failed living with your husband the more likely she is to light up.

    Just to clarify I do sympathise with Mina but I want to see her quit smoking. She isn't going to do that if her hubby is seen as a loophole for smoking.

    ........

    Just to clarify

    This reply is an absolute misrepresentation of me, my relationship with OH and the support I need to maintain a quit - and it made me very angry, and hindered rather than helped

    DONT tell me what I do or do not find supportive - I can do that myself, and empathy can move mountains for me, I'll judge that

    Gearing up to plonk myself back on day 1 - let no one think that the above has anything to do with who I am

    It may be well meant, it remains inaccurate, and ill advised

    M

    x

  • Hi Mina

    Just wanted to say good luck on your new day 1. :)

  • Hi Mina, just wanted to drop by and say hi...."..."... Hope your doing ok my lovely :)

    Take care 🐥

  • Hi Mina, turn the anger on the filthy yellow beast Nicotine! You are a strong, determined woman and you can conquer this addiction - looking forward to seeing you back in the saddle with a firm grip on the reins xx

  • hey

    Welcome back Mina, so glad you're here, good luck with day 1.:D

  • Stay strong Mina x

  • Yessss Mina good for you, wishing you lots of luck for your new day 1 xxx

  • Hi Steve,

    At last, someone who talks directly to me lol.

    I wasn't implying Mina was an attention seeker. What I was saying was that it felt as though now that everyone knows about things like the chicken weighing and the fringe etc, if Mina fails people will no doubt say "well I'm not surprised." It's getting more sympathy for a failure which is where I was coming from

    What makes me laugh about this thread the most is that Debbie tells Mina to leave her husband but Jen chooses to pick up on my words and all I said was it's not right to talk about him!!!

    I have two things in common with Mina. I fail quits and I have a member of the family who is autistic so I know all about criticism and accuracy. I also know that it's hard but that is just the way the person is and you have to let it go over your head. It isn't a reason to throw in a quit though, it's just an excuse like any other.

    It's lovely to see so many nice people on the forum but nice doesn't help people struggling to quit. Telling Mina she is brave to be trying to quit is sweet but it's not going to help her sustain a quit. Quitting smoking is hard and the more people say I'm not surprised you failed living with your husband the more likely she is to light up.

    Just to clarify I do sympathise with Mina but I want to see her quit smoking. She isn't going to do that if her hubby is seen as a loophole for smoking.

    ........

    Just to clarify

    This reply is an absolute misrepresentation of me, my relationship with OH and the support I need to maintain a quit - and it made me very angry, and hindered rather than helped

    DONT tell me what I do or do not find supportive - I can do that myself, and empathy can move mountains for me, I'll judge that

    Gearing up to plonk myself back on day 1 - let no one think that the above has anything to do with who I am

    It may be well meant, it remains inaccurate, and ill advised

    M

    x

    I love you Mina...but this seems a bit harsh.

    Best of luck with your new quit though, obviously :)

    TELESCOPE!!!?!??!?!!??!??!! WHERE IS IT?!?!!???!!??

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