struggling alot atm

i have been debating about posting this as i dont want to scare any new quitters with the fact that even though i am coming upto 4 years quit in october i recently started having thoughts yearns urges whatever way you want to say it to want to smoke :eek:

its not helped with the fact that my daughter who i share a house with has recently started smoking again and even though she smokes outside the house stinks dont matter what room i go into i can smell stale smoke its in my nose i can taste it and it seems to have awoken my personal demon trying to tempt me back :(

ive had alot of upset in recent times what with my mum in and out of hospital and her deterioration in her battle against dementia is having a big effect on me plus i have to stay strong and supportive for her as im it i have no other support from my siblings and somedays i feel like im losing the battle with my own mental health problems not to mention i am having a hard time trying to keep on top of paying bills and trying so hard to address other issues

for the most part at least i havent had to go back on my meds for the depression my ulternative treatments i use daily is def helping

just wish these smoking thoughts would go away

i feel like a BIG FAT FRAUD coming on here how can i offer support to others when a part of me wants to smoke im so scared as i dont want to go down that road again

23 Replies

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  • Carol so sorry your having these horrid times, sometimes it's all so consuming, as life throws you a bad hand, and of course your going to revert back to the romance of the thought of smoking, as all those years ago life was probably different for you!

    I really hope, you can manage, but if not a little trip to the docs maybe.

    Have you had a god cry, just to let some frustrations out, a cry helps me;)

    Just to say thinking of you my lovely, and a hug or two coming your way.

    Take care x

  • i feel such relief now ive wrote it all down and shared how i have been feeling

    so thank you for all your kind lovely words and pic :)

    i did go back to bed and have afew tears as i have been so overwhelmed and have been in such a horrid place with these thoughts of smoking as up untill my daughter started smoking regularly whenever i smelt that horrid disgusting smell it would make me feel sick and raise my determination even more to never ever smoke again

    but over the last few months ive noticed that my reaction to the smell has changed infact when i was out in town the other day i didnt even notice the smell when i walked past afew people smoking

    i used to have some sort of radar and kept my distance when i got that first rancid sniff from a smoker

    ive even had a couple of smoking dreams and normally wake up horrified that i had smoked but now i keep thinking maybe i should try one just to see

    i am trying to ignore these thoughts and that inner demon and really hope they go away soon also i saw a friend i hadnt seen in years when i was out and they offered me a smoke and seemed really surprised when i told them i didnt smoke anymore and instead of feeling proud like i normaly do when i say that i dont smoke anymore i just had a thought pop into my head oh go on one wont hurt :eek:

    i am determined not to start smoking again i do not want to let myself or you and my family down by giving in especially my grandsons they were my inspiration in the first place to start this quit journey and the youngest one has never known me to be a smelly nanny and never will

    Thank you for your continued support reading your replies are helping to reinforce and strengthen my resolve

    sending love and hugs to you all xxx

  • Carol u lovely lady. Do u feel that because you have so much to deal with and feel low that u almost dont care and cant be bothered about yourself. So to have a fag is almost like saying well I feel crap anyway what the hell might as welk have one.

    Thats my problem when I lose my quit.

    Just trying to work out with u why now U are having thoughts.

    Sending love your way x

    now i have my rational head on yes i think your right Deb old familar thought patterns are def not helping thank you xx

    Netti is completely right

    I am so sorry that you are having a hard time

    Don't whatever you do go back to smoking

    Do you know just how expensive they are these days too

    Alfie sends lots of love and hugs

    🐶💚🐶💚🐶💚🐶💚🐶💚🐶💚💚💚🐶💚🐶💚🐶💚🐶💚

    thanks Alfie you are such a sweet dog :) sending love and hugs right back to you both xxx

  • Carol you'll never be a fraud, you're going through a lot of life stuff, it probably makes the smoking thoughts sharper than maybe they would have been usually. I am over 22 months now and don't miss it at all but who's to say that if I had going on the things that you have, it might change?

    KK is right, keep it broken down into simple sections, a day at a time, and remember what you've done to get here.

    You post away on here, it's what the forum is for......but we know you better too, so we can offer virtual hugs too, not just words ;)

  • Aww Carol, I haven't been on here for a few months and something just drove me to log on today. I am so sorry you feel so down as I always recall you as the strength despite your troubles. Also Fridays were a great day due to your cats! Keep strong sweetie and remember why you stopped, you will feel really cr&p if you start again and have to give a smelly cuddly to the grandkiddies.

    I hope this link works, will keep your mind off the smelly horrible cancer sticks xx

    buzzfeed.com/expresident/be...

    Love and Hugs

    Trea xxx

  • Dear Carol, I know what it's like to be totally overwhelmed by what life throws at you and to feel that you are sinking further into the mire as time goes by. That is all I can say, really, because I don't want to just give you empty words. I really, really do feel for you and I hope that somehow you will find the strength you need at this particularly difficult time. Bless you........you were so very kind to me when I started my quit and I'll never forget that. I hope that things will soon get easier for you.

    Val

    xxx

  • Hi Carol,

    I hope you're feeling a bit better by the time you read this.

    Please don't EVER feel you're a fraud. You're one of the pillars of the forum and that will never change. You've touched so many people's lives with your posts- your wisdom and humour always shines out and I for one would miss you terribly if you weren't here.

    So sorry you're having a rotten time at the moment. It does always seem to be the way that if one thing lands on you from a great height, so will two or three other things. You have so many plates to spin and so many burdens to shoulder that it is no wonder you have moments of craving a crutch to get you through it. Of course, having a fag would not only solve nothing it would make everything worse but logic doesn't always come into it when you feel that way.

    Forgive me for wading in with my size 10's when I know next to nothing about your circumstances, but is there any practical help you could enlist? Being a carer is a hard, thankless job how ever much you love the person you care for. Is there a local Carers Centre (Princes Royal Trust) you could make contact with? They're often fantastic resources both in relation to advice and support. In addition, is your mum and are you receiving all the benefits to which you are entitled? It doesn't help when you have financial worries on top of everything else. Some local CAB's are excellent on benefit-related issues but if you happen to have a local Welfare Rights Unit or law centre or similar I would be tempted to contact them for advice as well. That's my field so you're welcome to PM me if you want to..

    Anyway, I hope I haven't spoken out of turn.

    There are many virtual hugs wending your way from me Carol, and I will hope that things improve for you soon. :)

  • Sent you a pm Carol but it wouldn't go through.

    Have sent you an email.

    xx

  • Sending you positive thoughts and I'm sure that you will stay strong x

  • Carol sweetheart, I can only echo what everyone else is saying. You are struggling with things that most of us only ever experience in our worst nightmares. I know when I was at a low point the first thing I wanted wasn't a cuddle or kind words - I wanted a fag. Like alcoholics, we envision the one thing that will do us the most harm but we can't see it, we see a comforting "friend" who has been beside us through all the good, bad and terrible times in our lives.

    Sending love, hugs and the most disdainful stare my moggie can manage xxxxx

  • I hope you're feeling better by the time you read this Carol. There is no way you're a faud. You mad woman you.:D

    We all know that you can be super confident and cheerleading with the pom poms twirling. Safe and secure in the knowledge that you'll never smoke again. Then 5 minutes later we're climbing the walls and would rip a cigarette from an unsuspecting stranger's grasp.

    I think it's great you post your concerns as a long term quitter. It serves as a warning to us all about how difficult it is to stay quit when life throws you several curve balls at once.

    Also you can't be the only one so I'm sure by posting you've helped somebody else to feel 'normal'.

    Massive hug.

  • i have been debating about posting this as i dont want to scare any new quitters with the fact that even though i am coming upto 4 years quit in october i recently started having thoughts yearns urges whatever way you want to say it to want to smoke :eek:

    its not helped with the fact that my daughter who i share a house with has recently started smoking again and even though she smokes outside the house stinks dont matter what room i go into i can smell stale smoke its in my nose i can taste it and it seems to have awoken my personal demon trying to tempt me back :(

    ive had alot of upset in recent times what with my mum in and out of hospital and her deterioration in her battle against dementia is having a big effect on me plus i have to stay strong and supportive for her as im it i have no other support from my siblings and somedays i feel like im losing the battle with my own mental health problems not to mention i am having a hard time trying to keep on top of paying bills and trying so hard to address other issues

    for the most part at least i havent had to go back on my meds for the depression my ulternative treatments i use daily is def helping

    just wish these smoking thoughts would go away

    i feel like a BIG FAT FRAUD coming on here how can i offer support to others when a part of me wants to smoke im so scared as i dont want to go down that road again

    Hi, carol how's you feeling to day my lovely ;)

  • morning!

    Morning everyone, I too am wondering how you are feeling this morning Carol so have logged on specially to find out. Please post and let us all know, and if you ever do dlip up don't be scared to scream for support to jump back in the saddle. However I am sure that will not happen :):)

    hope to read a happy purring message from you soon Carol.

    Take care sweetie Trea xx

  • I'm so overwhelmed atm with the amazing responses I've had

    So thank you all so much for thinking of me

    Still feeling upset but hoping to bounce back up soon

    No I haven't smoked I have been rereading my reasons again as to why I quit

    It just scared me when I started having these feelings about smoking again I wasn't expecting them and I'm really hoping that they will go away soon

    trying to read all the responses and type with one finger while crying is hard

    Again thank you and once I've gotten my emotions in check I will be back

    X

  • Oh my lovely , THANKYOU for update, life is truly hard sometimes, and you are coping with so much right now, but believe me it will not always be like this for you.

    You my friend are inspiring, lovely, sympathetic to others, kind, thoughtful. The list goes on.

    I for one sending cuddles, but we are all thinking of you, hold on my lovely tomorrow is indeed another day x

  • Hope you're feeling better Carol

    Hi Carol -so sorry you've been feeling down.

    After all the times you've helped people on here, a fraud is one thing you're not.

    This is a fraud:

  • Thanks for posting, Carol :)

    So long as you're bearing up, chuck, you take as long as you need...

  • Oh Carol thanks for letting us know. Hope you feel better soon. Emotions can be a real pain sometimes ay. A good weep never hurt anybody and always makes me feel better.

    It doesn't improve a situation but it does relieve a lot of pent up stress and frustration which enables you to deal with the situation better so don't feel bad for taking time out to have a good cry.

  • Hi carol im one of those newbies :)

    im glad to have read this Carol.. sad to hear your going through an iffy patch but also its good to hear realism about whats ahead :) to think it will be plain sailing is crazy,, to see the reaction from everyone and support you received is reassuring and to see how you are so strong is brillaint!! you havent put me off infact i am just as determined to carry on and if i hit a hard patch... i know i can come on here and just shout for back up :) keep going lady you have you reasons they are in your heart x

  • Chin up :)

    Hi Carol,

    I've only just had time to read your post and I wanted to send you a big, virtual hug!! *squeezes the life out of Carol*

    I chose to leave the forum recently, as I felt like I'd done my fair share of posting and had also gained what I needed to "go it alone", as it were. I soon realised that being addicted to smoking isn't something that just goes away for everyone. I do know people who say years down the line that they don't ever think about nasty cigs, and I still hope to reach a point where I don't miss it, but I for one have started noticing those familiar fond memories for nasty nic coming back.

    That's why I chose to get back on here sharpish and remind myself of why I quit in the first place. I'd also like to pick up my Allen Carr sometime soon and give it a read again.

    I've noticed we seem to forget, as time passes, all of the horrible times we had with smoking and all of the unpleasent things about being addicted to nicotine.

    I have also started noticing that the smell of a freshly lit cigarette is not as offensive as it used to be and the thought of sparking up when drinking with friends doesn't seem too horrific to me either.

    Don't get me wrong, after only one year I can still remember those terrible first few weeks as an ex-smoker and the nostalgia I have at the moment is nothing like that initial period. But the longing has certainly found its way back in, as I begin to lose sight of my reasons for stopping. This is when we need to sort it out and have good talking to ourselves! :mad::p

    I think you're doing the right thing by taking yourself right back to the start and reminding yourself of those very important reasons and all the negative feelings you had towards being a smoker.

    I kind of wish I'd kept a diary when I decided to quit, as it would be nice now to go back to that time and be inside my own head again. I think it would give a bit of a boost at times like this!

    Carol, you are doing so so well. With everything you have on at the moment I'm not surprised your resolve has been waining a little. But you can have all the thoughts and nostalgia you want to, as long as you don't smoke a cigarette! :D You are definitely not a fraud!!

    Remember to be kind to yourself through this patch and, like others have said, there's no harm in going to your doctor if you need some help of any kind.

    Keep plodding hun, you're doing fab!! :cool:

    Thanks for keeping us up to date :)

  • Tried contacting you Carol... would not accept my pm attempt. And I'm unfriended to boot. Hope this finds you well today. Vike.

  • i am pleased to say that i am passed that stage of thinking i needed to smoke and in hindsight can to a degree work out why i kept obsessing about smoking again :eek: scary stuff thats for sure

    thankfully i didnt actually go down the road and smoke and im even more determined then ever to stay on course to keeping my freedom

    Thank you doesnt come close to the support i have had since i first started this post

    it helped no end to actually get it out of my head and reading the responses have made me cry on quite afew occasions since

    i am proud to be apart of the N O P E group and will do my best to continue supporting others in there quest to freedom

    sending hugs and love to you all xx

  • i am pleased to say that i am passed that stage of thinking i needed to smoke and in hindsight can to a degree work out why i kept obsessing about smoking again :eek: scary stuff thats for sure

    thankfully i didnt actually go down the road and smoke and im even more determined then ever to stay on course to keeping my freedom

    Thank you doesnt come close to the support i have had since i first started this post

    it helped no end to actually get it out of my head and reading the responses have made me cry on quite afew occasions since

    i am proud to be apart of the N O P E group and will do my best to continue supporting others in there quest to freedom

    sending hugs and love to you all xx

    So glad to see you back on track :) Well done Carol! xxx

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