I'm struggling

Hi everyone, I know I haven't been posting for ages but have been lurking and glad everyone is doing ok. I feel awful today. I've just come home from work where I made a complete a** of myself at the team meeting arguing for the sake of arguing. I have been crying non stop for weeks and when I reach out for help, my family don't have time to talk to me. Some of you may remember that I lost my mum 18 months ago and when I approach my sister for support, she told me that she 'won't be filling the gap my mum left in my support system'. All I wanted to hear from her was keep your chin up or some other encouraging phrase. This is not because of mum-of course i miss her but she was not a huge source of support to me, it was the other way round and my sis never bothered beyond the barest minimum telephone call one a week. its hard getting used to not smoking....and all the other times on a bad day, I would have smoked.

I'm usually strong but I'm really struggling today feeling sorry for myself. I am very isolated and don't have any real friends but I can usually just get on with things. I know a smoke won't change the fact that I'm having a bad day and I don't really want a smoke but I just want to know if the way I feel is just part of giving up....any thoughts would be appreciated. Please don't tell me to join a gym though - I've never cared for the gym. I enjoy walking but I'm more of a bookworm. Why I digress is when I tried to talk to a couple of friends, that was the unhelpful response I got.

I know I'm having an absolute self pity party but to be honest if I could to talk face to face with someone who I knew would listen, I would. Sorry for the ramblings but maybe someone on here can steer me back and stop this damn crying, lol.

15 Replies

  • Hang in there Cupcake, what you are experiencing was at least normal for me and still is some days!

    These "bad" days will get further and further apart and lose their intensity as we get further along apparently, so that is what we have to hang onto.

    You've come such a long way on your own girl, I'm dead proud of you!

    You say you're a bookworm? That's perfect for losing yourself for a while, forget everything, including your family.

    I wish I could give you a great big hug chuck :)

    Most of all, when you feel like this, look back and see how far down this road you have come, know you've done it all by yourself, and admit to yourself how flipping strong you are!

    If you can get through quitting on your own, you can do anything and everything :D

    Be proud of yourself and get reading!

    Sending hugs x

    Molly x

  • PS you'd best dry your eyes if you're going to read, I always find it blurs my vision something terrible :D

    Chin up :)

  • Thanks molly, you made me smile with your comment to dry my eyes. I wish you could give me a hug as I really could do with one.

    Lostie, thanks for your support and you are totally right about there being something else...since the new year, I've been dreading another birthday being a spinster no hoper. I'll be 43 and have the worst track history with men....but this is not the site to talk about that. Needless to say, my sis has the whole package and if I raise the issue, I'm jealous....in the old days, cigs comforted me....

    Guess this will make me stronger in the long run but wish I could zoom off to a desert island somewhere......

  • Hi Cupcake,

    I'm thinking you are about 3 months quit. That's a time when lots of people find it hard. I became depressed then and stupidly let the doc put me on anti depressants. That's all in the past. I'm going through a bit of a bad time at the moment but I'm thinking I'm coming out of it.

    I won't tell you to join a gym. To me that is the most boring thing I can think of. I know exercise helps but I've got to this age without too much of it except a brisk walk, preferably in a shopping mall. I generally cuddle up with a good book and hope it all passes.

  • Hi Cupcake

    Stand by for a group hug!! we're walking towards you with arms out...not all wavy like ghosts or even scarecrows you understand...just sort of like.....oh..you know what I mean :)

    Don't worry by the way, I'm a 44 year old male and I don't have much luck with men either...hehe :D (I'm married by the way in case you think I'm a pantomime dame! :eek:)

    Is your sis an older sis?

    Sibling rivalry can be a bugger you know...but you are your own person. Strong, honest and open (I gather after reading your post) .... look how far you have come, as Mols said, on your own.

    That chuck, should be praised.

    I think you are stronger than you realise.

    I have wallowed in self pity during my quit and can agree it is hard to shake off and can be all encompassing. We have to try and not let ourselves slip in to it if we feel it coming on.

    As soon as you get yourself back out of this little bout, as you said, you'll feel so much stronger....remember that feeling and keep it close to you for future wobbles.

    Don't regret or doubt your decsion to quit....ever.

    Don't think about the future, you can't change that, just live for right now...that is the only thing you have control of.

    Good for you posting how you felt, it helps so much to write it down...maybe even more than speaking it out loud.

    Keep taking those baby steps...as we all still are and you will be fine.

    Take good care of yourself :)



  • day 25 for me.

    big hug big hug cupcake, cheer up XXX

  • Thanks Una, I'm glad things are improving for you. I was encouraged to go to my gp for anti-depressants but resisted. I just need someone to listen and the occasional kind word. Not a huge ask but something the folks in my life don't seem to be able to give. I suppose everyone has busy lives and their own difficulties to contend with.... I'm glad I've got this forum and have been cuddled up with a good movie this afternoon which helped.

    Nifty, I so wish you were my sister (I am fully aware you're male and most certainly not a pantomime dame) because of the response you gave. That's exactly the sort of support I need. She's younger then me and I'm surprised at her lack of warmth but that's for a different forum. Most of all, thanks for not fish slapping me, lol.

    Thanks max414 and poppy

    One step at a time, one day at a time. I didn't give in and won't be giving in...

  • Hi Cupcake, nice to see you posting, even though things are tough for you right now.

    It sounds from what you've written that you are experiencing a perfect storm. Yes, quitting can and does make you feel down and negative at times. On top of that you had a bad day at work, and then there is the general backdrop of your family situation - your mother passing, and the less-than-helpful attitude of your sister. So, given all of that I am not surprised you feel things are getting on top of you right now. I think most people would feel the same - I would.

    Try and take it easy this evening, and give yourself a treat if you can. It won't seem quite so bad tomorrow. Chin up Cupcake, you are doing really well. :)

  • Keep posting cupcake, you've found your support system I think ;) books are wonderful, I have boxes and boxes full I've collected over the years, enough to start a library, what do you read?

    This forum has got me to nearly seven months, lean on it by all means. I even spent my quiet New Year's Eve on here with a couple of members, it felt like I was with friends,we had such a laugh :D

  • Cupcake, you are doing so well. I am sorry you don't feel the people in your life are supportive enough, but you do have your forum friends who from my experience are very supportive. Keep posting and there will always be someone who will be here to offer support and friendship to you. Bloody well done though for staying quit, I think you are marvellous!:)

  • a quick update

    Thank you all for your support, I really have found the best support forum in the world.

    A few days on and I'm feeling much much better.

    I am still off the cigs and my stats are 111 days smoke free and £570.00 saved.

    For those of you who have read my past posts will know that I love and take comfort in motivational phrases and have posted a few on here and I came across this one which summed up this experience for me with the help of my forum friends...

    Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass,

    It's about learning to dance in the rain.

    Thanks everyone, xoxoxoxo

    Sharon :)

  • for Max414

    How about this one...

    Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit

    Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad :D

  • I am sure glad you feel much better today, I am sure it helps knowing there are motivational and inspiring people on this forum, you being one of them, with the length of your quit (111 days, that certainly is inspirational) and your motivational phrases.

    I love the tomatoe one, will be using that one myself.:)

  • Glad you feel better. Remember, that some people are looking at you as on an example of strong willpower

  • in the old days, cigs comforted me....

    Guess this will make me stronger in the long run but wish I could zoom off to a desert island somewhere......

    This is exactly how I feel some days, it's so hard to cope with certain situations especially when you're not smoking & that's how you coped before... I'm so glad you're feeling a bit better now but we are all here for you when you're having a bad day, i'm always having them - lifes a bitch eh' :(

    Love the quotes too :D

    One of my favourites at the moment is: If at first you don’t succeed, try try & try again"... It's my 5th or 6th quit so it applies to me :p

    Denise x

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