Hi everyone, I know I haven't been posting for ages but have been lurking and glad everyone is doing ok. I feel awful today. I've just come home from work where I made a complete a** of myself at the team meeting arguing for the sake of arguing. I have been crying non stop for weeks and when I reach out for help, my family don't have time to talk to me. Some of you may remember that I lost my mum 18 months ago and when I approach my sister for support, she told me that she 'won't be filling the gap my mum left in my support system'. All I wanted to hear from her was keep your chin up or some other encouraging phrase. This is not because of mum-of course i miss her but she was not a huge source of support to me, it was the other way round and my sis never bothered beyond the barest minimum telephone call one a week. its hard getting used to not smoking....and all the other times on a bad day, I would have smoked.
I'm usually strong but I'm really struggling today feeling sorry for myself. I am very isolated and don't have any real friends but I can usually just get on with things. I know a smoke won't change the fact that I'm having a bad day and I don't really want a smoke but I just want to know if the way I feel is just part of giving up....any thoughts would be appreciated. Please don't tell me to join a gym though - I've never cared for the gym. I enjoy walking but I'm more of a bookworm. Why I digress is when I tried to talk to a couple of friends, that was the unhelpful response I got.
I know I'm having an absolute self pity party but to be honest if I could to talk face to face with someone who I knew would listen, I would. Sorry for the ramblings but maybe someone on here can steer me back and stop this damn crying, lol.