And yet.. and yet... I have been drawn here as I am on day 15 of Champix (2nd time round) and ... some of you have been doing this for longer- is it normal at this point to.. .. not feel the urge to smoke as in the craving, but to... still have that thing whereby you want a ciggie?
trouble is -I smoke roll ups with a menthol filter tip, which was my undoing last time I tried as the menthol took away some (all) of the blecch taste when smoking a ciggie....
Is it ok to have thoughts like - I can't do this. obviously the habit is so strong - that it's going to make me smoke even though my body dosnt even want one. .. I am working on a self delusion is the key to happiness method - I choose to decide that I've got the habit on the run and it's trying to make me panic smoke - but I'll conquer that soon.
I roll ciggies - I used to smoke about 10 ish a day - I am now down to rolling 4, having one puff of each and throwing them away so it is working, but it's that rolling one in the first place... haha DUH!! don't have any baccy to hand? oh yeah! I didnit bring any tobacco today and whilst at lunch time I thought - I'd have a ciggie about now usually, I didn't feel the yearning or panic to not having any...
I do love champix though - yes it's endless queasiness and trial and error as to what is going to minimise that - funnily enough so far a glass of red wine is the closest I've had to no queasiness - but other than that a bite of cheese or a milkshake and actually - when I feel sick I want to sit verrrrry still and concentrate on my breathing but I've now discovered that moving around outside in the cold takes that away as well.
the dreams are incredible - I love it - I dream of bus crashes, and getting shot in the stomach and terrible anguish but it's just a dream and gives me a real whoosh in the morning thinking about last night's dream.
I've haven't been a non smoker since I was 12 years old. I'm 37 now. .. I wonder what it feels like. and it's mad - I quit heroin 10 years ago and yet ciggies are harder because they are everywhere and easily attainable.
what will be will be.