Quandary

So.......

I think this is more an articulation for me than anything else - so apologies in advance if it is slightly incoherent!

Does it matter to anyone but me that this is my first ever quit?

Probably not

So many quitters are flying, not me, I have failed again..

I have smoked again - currently I seem to be incapable of getting beyond a few weeks....I have been quitting since 5th Jan, this will be my 3rd flop.

I have no life trauma to blame this time, just personal weakness.

I'm kind of learning what my triggers are - bit by bit - but as I overcome one I succumb to another-----I am not even sure at the moment whether I create new triggers in order to find a reason to light up, I certainly think this is a possibility.

Cigarettes hang like a "cure all" solution over my life - I would also add, they seem to work too :mad:

I'm not even a stressy person - I go through life pretty chilled out in the face of most things.......has trying to quit changed me so much I can no longer cope? I would hope not!

I begin to see in myself a tendency to escalate previously inconsequential nothings into "reasons to break the quit"....

And I am now looking Day 1 in the face yet again.......

And I wonder - should I stay in this forum?

Personally I'm obviously not blind to the fact that I have not yet mastered my quit, but I also feel I am well on the way, and despite having a ciggie in my hand as I type, remain convinced I am on a quit path - I have smoked less since Jan 5th than I have since I was a teenager, so I'm kind of taking this as a success, and yet, here, I know, if I plonk myself back to Day 1, I will be posting a failure:(

The success of others, whilst being really fabulous on the one hand, only make me feel weak and inadequate on the other. Does it inspire me, or make me feel even worse? Remarkably selfish to not be able to answer that!

I have nothing BAD in my life like so many are having to deal with, and still I CAN'T make it.

People don't really fail here, they either make it or, seems to me, leave and disengage.....I certainly know in my time on this forum I will be a record repeater for Day 1 if I start out yet again! So that puts me smack bang bottom of class.

I'm not feeling sorry for myself here, I'm wondering why I am so uniquely BAD at this....

My quandary - how many times is too many in this forum?

What encouragement can I seriously expect when I am proving to be a serial failure?

Am I actually better categorised as "preparing to quit"? Maybe in the spirit of the forum YES, but this would make me smoke more - if that makes sense!

I don't want to retreat, but there are only so many times you can expect to be taken seriously and my scenic quit route must be starting to look like a round the world hike, and in the meantime, my fellow Jan starters are over the hill and faraway....

Where can I go so that "I only smoked 100 fags this year" is not completely rubbish? Even if it is........

Sigh - I am weary of testing others patience - I am not yet ready to think I am too weak to NOT make this but who would believe me? - I wouldn't!

To the external (non forum) world I am a shining example of a successful quit - what a hypocrite! I just figured not sharing my slips would be a way of keeping me on track after the slip ups, but it just makes me a liar, BIG SIGH.

Should I just go away - and come back and announce my success (should it happen) in a Month 1 entry?

Join in another name?

Find another place?

Engage more?

Engage less?

Even now, in my head the pull of smoking is so strong I'm thinking some of you are liars - you can not all have made it when I haven't!

I can not be the only one who is so SH*T at this! What is that about????

Don't even answer - ugly thoughts!

Think that's it

confused.com signing off

12 Replies

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  • Oh hun please don't beat yourself up!!

    I've been trying to stop for years, flipping years and it doesn't matter. I can think of maybe 2 people on here who are on their first quit everyone else has tried and failed before - it doesn't matter, quitting smoking is b/loody hard at times and you need to find a way that works for you!!

    You definitely do *not* need to leave here, I failed last year and almost everyone was nothing but supportive. Actually, i hung around while i found my quit again, and if i hadn't there's no way I'd be quit now, it is helpful and inspiring to see people doing what seems impossible - living happily as a non-smoker!!

    We all want to help you quit and do it for good - that's the honest truth.

    We've been there, we know it's b.loody hard, we know how the demon works, we know the ups and downs so please *never* feel bad about being here while you work out how to beat this :)

    I mean that, this is a forum for people who are, or who want to quit smoking - you are definitely in that category!!

    Pick yourself up, work out how you're best off quitting and we're always here for you :)

    xxx

  • Hey Nina

    I remember once 8 years ago lasting 48 hrs and never trying again, now that is a big fat fail...as I couldn't face it! You on the other hand are coming back and fighting time and time again! That's real courage and brave and I for one just KNOW that you are going to nail this!

    I think you are very honest posting and opening yourself up the way you do on this forum, and yes I admire you. I too can imagine that if it was I struggling then I would have all these thoughts. Don't beat yourself up for being human!

    I started the same day as you so I might even be one of the ones that make you feel inadequate BUT Nina I am far from home and dry. The challenge for me is that KNOW I would not be able to place myself back in day 1 as many times as you or others have....that makes me very vulnerable :(.

    There is nothing inadequate about you lady, find the path that works for you and you will do it!!!

    Stay strong Nina!

  • Thank you all - to me this forum has been nothing but good, I am somewhat anxious of setting a "failing is fine" precedent that I don't believe myself by once again plonking myself on day 1!

    I wouldn't have made the smoke free days I have without knowing others are on the same journey - I will be back tomorrow, Day 1..........

    (small secret - I will be 50 ....lord knows how that came upon me so fast!!.....21st March) I HAVE to be not smoking then - I have to be - I have the holiday booked, which involves taking my (yet to be earned) telescope.

    Linda - what a rock u are, fly girl!

    Gemma - what an example u are - fought the demon and won!

    DB - if you can, I can - loving you x

  • Thank you all - to me this forum has been nothing but good, I am somewhat anxious of setting a "failing is fine" precedent that I don't believe myself by once again plonking myself on day 1!

    I wouldn't have made the smoke free days I have without knowing others are on the same journey - I will be back tomorrow, Day 1..........

    (small secret - I will be 50 ....lord knows how that came upon me so fast!!.....21st March) I HAVE to be not smoking then - I have to be - I have the holiday booked, which involves taking my (yet to be earned) telescope.

    Linda - what a rock u are, fly girl!

    Gemma - what an example u are - fought the demon and won!

    DB - if you can, I can - loving you x

    That's the spirit Nina! I look forward to your insights and posts and remember it doesn't matter what day you are on, we are ALL helping each other. Love and hugs!!!! Linda x

  • You CAN do this, Mina. I'm another one who had to go back to Day 1, after 5/6 weeks of being quit.

    It was horrendous, having to go back, but not to do so would have been cheating and I couldn't live with that. So, what I did then was to use going back as a spur to not ever have another fag, because I didn't want to go through the horror of going back to the start again. It was very hard and I kept off the forum until I'd got back to where I was before, because I didn't want to have to go through the Day1, Day2 business again. As a method of staying quit, it was b/loody hard.....I really punished myself, but it worked for me. It may or may not be the way for you, but there it is.

    I'm not advocating this as a method which will work for everyone, because we are all different. I think I'm posting to let you know that you are certainly not a lost cause, you just need to find the right way forward for you.......because there is a way....you just have to find the one that is best for you.

    So, do not despair......just keep trying different tactics until you find the one for you. As I type this, I can't see your sig, so I don't know if you are using any NRT or anything. If you really feel that you are never going to stop wanting a fag, maybe you would consider Champix? It worked for me, despite the meltdown that resulted in my "failure". It just needed an adjustment to the dose and then all was fine again.

    Have you got a stop smoking advisor or nurse whom you could talk to?

    Val

    xxx

  • Just another thing....are you constantly fighting and struggling with your quit? If you are, the maybe you need some weapons to help you win the battle....NRT, Champix, Allen Carr etc. There are so many different weapons/tools available to help us all along....I'm sure people will come up with loads of suggestions if you ask! :)

    Val

    xxx

  • Mina,

    One thing's for sure: you'll get a lot of encouragement and no guilt trips from me :)

    Feel free to PM...I'm a virgin quitter too.

    If I can help, I will.

    Don't smoke tonight.

    S xx

  • Mina

    I feel your pain and guilt. I could have written it! I've had many attempts and at one stage been a secret smoker for 6 months, lying to the guy I love because I couldn't bear to disappoint him yet again. Now that was stressful and did our love life no good as I'd avoid kissing him!!!!

    Keep going, every attempt teaches you something. You're doing the right thing, analyse your motives, look for triggers. One of my favourites was always thinking I could control it and just have the one. Took me several attempts to get over that lie.

    Another one was the tantrum, I want one so I'll have one! even though I didn't really want one. OR you may as well smoke now because you'll fail anyway. Took me years to realise I was afraid of succeeding as I still believed smoking did something good for me. Reading Allan Carr's book sorted that one out but didn't stop me smoking as i found other excuses/reasons.

    Everybody here knows how hard it is, there are no failed attempts just learning experiences and no failures just people still struggling with the demon. Good luck.

    Sue

    x

  • Thank you all - to me this forum has been nothing but good, I am somewhat anxious of setting a "failing is fine" precedent that I don't believe myself by once again plonking myself on day 1!

    I wouldn't have made the smoke free days I have without knowing others are on the same journey - I will be back tomorrow, Day 1..........

    (small secret - I will be 50 ....lord knows how that came upon me so fast!!.....21st March) I HAVE to be not smoking then - I have to be - I have the holiday booked, which involves taking my (yet to be earned) telescope.

    Linda - what a rock u are, fly girl!

    Gemma - what an example u are - fought the demon and won!

    DB - if you can, I can - loving you x

    aww thanks :)

    Really don't worry about having a blip, we've all been there, what matters is not smoking today - tomorrow can take care of itself, so don't stress and don't beat yourself up!!

    If I can do it, anyone can!!

    xx

  • Hey Mina, I would say the only "requirement" if you like, for being a forum member, would have to be to want to quit. If you're in between quits but it's still your plan, as it clearly is with you with the amount of thought you're giving it, then why should you leave?

    I have seen people posting "I'm on day 1" on a daily basis; you'd have to ask how much they really want to quit if they're doing that, but personally I don't get involved and just ignore their posts; it's not for me to ask them to leave (I'd get the doorman Max to do it hahaha *just kidding*) :p.

    I've been lucky so far, I'm holding onto my first quit, but I'm under no illusions, this forum's given me the power to do that, it's utterly invaluable. Left to my own devices, I'd still be smoking.

    It's so hard to do, if it wasn't, most smokers would probably have given up. At least you're trying to do something about it, and if you're honest with yourself, you'll get there in the end ;).

  • Hey Mina, I would say the only "requirement" if you like, for being a forum member, would have to be to want to quit. If you're in between quits but it's still your plan, as it clearly is with you with the amount of thought you're giving it, then why should you leave?

    I have seen people posting "I'm on day 1" on a daily basis; you'd have to ask how much they really want to quit if they're doing that, but personally I don't get involved and just ignore their posts; it's not for me to ask them to leave (I'd get the doorman Max to do it hahaha *just kidding*) :p.

    I've been lucky so far, I'm holding onto my first quit, but I'm under no illusions, this forum's given me the power to do that, it's utterly invaluable. Left to my own devices, I'd still be smoking.

    It's so hard to do, if it wasn't, most smokers would probably have given up. At least you're trying to do something about it, and if you're honest with yourself, you'll get there in the end ;).

    ^^^^ What he said ^^^

    You want to quit, it's just b.loody hard getting to that forever one and nobody is going to judge you on that, 'cos for most people it takes several goes before the right one clicks, so this place is *definitely* for you :)

    It's a stop smoking forum, you want to stop, you've already given it a good go - you're qualified!!

  • Hi Mina,

    We have something in common in that I am turning 50 this year too (June for me) and like you, I was determined I wasn't going to be 50 and smoking (or, indeed, 50 and porky, hence the diet :o).

    We also have something in common in that this isn't my first quit either- not by a long chalk. I was a classic 'yo-yo' quitter. I would manage 48 hours, cave, decide it was OK if I didn't smoke much, manage to smoke less than 10 per day for a few weeks (occasionally a few months) and then it would creep up and up until I was back on 20+ roll-ups per day. Then I would feel disgusted with myself and start the whole cycle again. Pathetic. :o

    Yes, this time (so far at least) is different and I do really feel like I have turned the corner, but it's pure luck that this is the quit that coincided with my joining the forum. What's more, I deliberately didn't join until I reached the point where I really believed it was going to be my forever quit because I didn't want egg on face, which makes me a raving coward in comparison to you :)

    I really, really, really hope you decide to stick around because I would miss your posts and your wisdom very much. Whether you start another quit tomorrow, next week or in 6 months time makes no difference to me. You're one of us and that's final as far as I am concerned. Though, obviously, I hope you decide to get back on the horse sooner rather than later. :D

    All the best Mina :)

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