Funtimefranky is back! :-(

In October, I managed to quit cigarettes for a little over 5 weeks. I did it with the help of this forum and the wonderful people here who helped me through the rough days. I was stupid to go back, I was well over the worst of it. No severe cravings. I was angry with myself about something. I think smoking, for me, is a form of self harm. That probs sounds a bit extreme for most but it's what has got me back on the cigarettes every time I have managed a successful quit. I had two seven year periods smoke free and both times I gave in when I felt angry at myself about something. Anyway, I'm back to do this again....and I am hoping that this time really will be the last. I don't like smoking at all....in fact I hate everything about it. So tomorrow will be my day 1.

50 Replies

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  • Welcome back :)

    I definitely know what you mean - actually after a friend explained it to me - but smoking *is* self harm.

    What matters is that you're back and going to have another bash!!

    Am hoping to join you soon :)

    Good luck with it!!

  • Welcome back :)

    I definitely know what you mean - actually after a friend explained it to me - but smoking *is* self harm.

    What matters is that you're back and going to have another bash!!

    Am hoping to join you soon :)

    Good luck with it!!

    Thanks Gemma....I just need to get the first few days out of the way. If you fancy jumping with me let me know.:-)

  • I posted on the other one . Good to see u back trying x

    Thank you. I double posted. Spelt my name wrong, lol.

  • All the best with your day 1 :)

    Thank you Karri....I'm ready to kick this beast!

  • Thanks Gemma....I just need to get the first few days out of the way. If you fancy jumping with me let me know.:-)

    You'll be fine, especially if you post here if you have a dodgy time :)

    Ooh and thanks!! I'm trying to sort my stupid brain out at the mo, am plotting my quit and when - not going to fail this time!!

  • Are you going CT and keep posting x

    Yes CT. I keep telling myself I've done it before...

  • You'll be fine, especially if you post here if you have a dodgy time :)

    Ooh and thanks!! I'm trying to sort my stupid brain out at the mo, am plotting my quit and when - not going to fail this time!!

    I posted loads last time. The people here were such a help I can't praise them enough. I've had my last cig for the evening....think I'm going to get an early night before I try and squeeze in an extra one! That's the spirit....I'm not going to fail either....we can do this!

  • combined the 2 threads for you :)

  • Thanks for all the support so far. I'm all geared up and ready to go. See ya in the morning.:D

  • combined the 2 threads for you :)

    Thank you:)

  • I posted loads last time. The people here were such a help I can't praise them enough. I've had my last cig for the evening....think I'm going to get an early night before I try and squeeze in an extra one! That's the spirit....I'm not going to fail either....we can do this!

    Yeah it's amazing on here!!

    Am glad I was persuaded back 'cos it's really focussing me on stopping again, not just thinking it'll happen whenever :)

    Have a good sleep and tomorrow is the first day of your new, smoke free life :D :D

    You can do it and you will do it!!

  • I think you're quite right about smoking being a form of self-harm. I know I always smoked more when I was dogged off with myself.

    Good luck Franky- I'm sure you'll do it this time. :)

  • I think you're quite right about smoking being a form of self-harm. I know I always smoked more when I was dogged off with myself.

    Good luck Franky- I'm sure you'll do it this time. :)

    It's bizarre isn't it?

    But like i said my friend explained it and it does make sense in a way!!

  • Yes i totally get the self harm bit! Ive always relapsed when I feel so down I just dont care about anything like 'sod it' lets smoke too much, drink too much etc What I discovered is you have to learn how to self soothe! Find something that makes you feel better and gives yourself a big hug. For me its hot bath, dimmed lights and music and im in a better space to think out my issues.

    Smoking is self harm it is also a walking excuse for not really solving our problems, its a horrible smelly blanket and well...when we take it off we have to get through alot of stuff before we create our new, sweet smelling blanket! :Dxxxx

  • Yes i totally get the self harm bit! Ive always relapsed when I feel so down I just dont care about anything like 'sod it' lets smoke too much, drink too much etc What I discovered is you have to learn how to self soothe! Find something that makes you feel better and gives yourself a big hug. For me its hot bath, dimmed lights and music and im in a better space to think out my issues.

    Have had some s**t times recently and that's exactly how it feels.

    How did you get out of that thought trap Nikki?

  • I think Ive seen it as a kind of self harming thing. Like f*ck it I dont care anymore, I dont care if its going to kill me. It is in a way self harming because you are harming yourself on purpose.

    Its not like you are cutting your wrists or anything but it is a way of sticking it to yourself I think?

    :-/

  • Have had some s**t times recently and that's exactly how it feels.

    How did you get out of that thought trap Nikki?

    Well Once im in my nice hot bath and relaxed a little I ask myself 'will smoking improve anything right here now like this split second' then i answer (its always a no lol) and then I remind myself of the benefits of stopping and i just move my thoughts else where completely!

    Like I got so upset with my quit zits. I really wanted them to stop and i didnt know how long it would take. I was devastated they were huge and along my jaw line so my whole face shape was ruined if you get me. BUT when thinking it through smoking at that moment wasnt going to give my lovely skin suddenly, either way it would take time so why not give it time as a non smoker? plus i would only have to face it again if i quit again. You need to accept defeat sometimes and wait it out.

    and yeah princess explained it, Its more of a 'I dont give a F' which happens to be self harming. Like someone who eats 10 donutts, its self harm..but they are not doing it to die but for a release.

  • mmmmm donuts *dribble*

  • now thats the sort of self harm that i enjoy best ha ha :D

  • I love donuts - to stop myself from eating them - I call them dog-nuts. :eek:

  • I screwed up and shame on me for not posting. Back tomorrow, giving it another go. Sorry guys.:(

  • Yes - life always offers you a second chance - it's called tomorrow :)

    Good luck

  • Franky, its really not easy but is definitely achievable.

    After 9 months I started again with one puff, to quit just don't do it.

    You can manage this, plenty others are trying with you :)

    Paul.

  • Franky the most important thing is you are going to give it another go that takes courage. So see you tom x

    Thanks Debbie. I have smoked my last cigarette so here goes. I hate the fact that for the next few days at least my mind will be preoccupied with fags. It really is a mental challenge. I need to be strong.

  • Yes - life always offers you a second chance - it's called tomorrow :)

    Good luck

    :D thank you Mina

  • Franky, its really not easy but is definitely achievable.

    After 9 months I started again with one puff, to quit just don't do it.

    You can manage this, plenty others are trying with you :)

    Paul.

    Thanks Paul. I'm determined to win this battle, I really am!

  • You can do it Frankie :)

    Thank you. I can't wait to get this day over with. Although I think it was day two that was the most difficult when I last quit. If only I could take a magic pill, fall asleep and wake up next week sometime. Ugh!

  • I'm going to make a lot of changes in my life. Quitting smoking is just the start of things. I've had a long look at my life and I'm not happy with as much as 80% of it.:eek: a friend of mine has a saying. She always says, nothing changes until you change. Well this is me changing, lol.

  • I'm going to make a lot of changes in my life. Quitting smoking is just the start of things. I've had a long look at my life and I'm not happy with as much as 80% of it.:eek: a friend of mine has a saying. She always says, nothing changes until you change. Well this is me changing, lol.

    Go for it! :D

  • I'm going to make a lot of changes in my life. Quitting smoking is just the start of things. I've had a long look at my life and I'm not happy with as much as 80% of it.:eek: a friend of mine has a saying. She always says, nothing changes until you change. Well this is me changing, lol.

    You sound very determined! Best wishes to you:):) I am sure you will do this!

  • I'm going to make a lot of changes in my life. Quitting smoking is just the start of things. I've had a long look at my life and I'm not happy with as much as 80% of it.:eek: a friend of mine has a saying. She always says, nothing changes until you change. Well this is me changing, lol.

    Nothing changes until you change. - Such poetic words. Keep up the good work!

  • I'm going to make a lot of changes in my life. Quitting smoking is just the start of things. I've had a long look at my life and I'm not happy with as much as 80% of it.:eek: a friend of mine has a saying. She always says, nothing changes until you change. Well this is me changing, lol.

    I can identify with that. I'm happy with all the 'external' bits of my life but I turn 50 this coming summer and decided it was time to reinvent myself physically. Quitting smoking is Stage 1 and I'm also battling with Stage 2 (lose 2 1/2 stone). I've lost 10 lb so far.

    Good luck with your quit, Franky- you can do it :):)

  • Thanks Haze and Sami. The reality is I have a fight on my hand but as my doctor said (I've quit in the past for long past for long period) I've done it before and I can do it again. Well, I really don't want to have to do this again, so this is it! I think one of the reasons smokers don't attempt to quit is the feelings you get after a failed attempt. It really chips away/ alters your sense of self. I can't imagine anyone likes feeling out of control. It certainly does not allow one to feel proud of themselves. To say one thing and do the very opposite is not good for the soul.

  • Goodness - this sounds like me too ! stopping smoking then hitting my running again - glad its not just me :p

  • I can identify with that. I'm happy with all the 'external' bits of my life but I turn 50 this coming summer and decided it was time to reinvent myself physically. Quitting smoking is Stage 1 and I'm also battling with Stage 2 (lose 2 1/2 stone). I've lost 10 lb so far.

    Good luck with your quit, Franky- you can do it :):)

    That's great Skiddaw, I want to lose a few pounds too. I'm not that over weight but could do with shifting a few pounds so losing weight is something I am also tackling. I know that lots will say not to worry too much whilst quitting the cigs but for me it's important to watch my weight. I won't swap fags for food. I guess I'm just sick of feeling out of control full stop.

  • Thanks Haze and Sami. The reality is I have a fight on my hand but as my doctor said (I've quit in the past for long past for long period) I've done it before and I can do it again. Well, I really don't want to have to do this again, so this is it! I think one of the reasons smokers don't attempt to quit is the feelings you get after a failed attempt. It really chips away/ alters your sense of self. I can't imagine anyone likes feeling out of control. It certainly does not allow one to feel proud of themselves. To say one thing and do the very opposite is not good for the soul.

    Very true. But the opposite can be said for quitting. I feel SO in control, and very proud of myself. Even after this short amount of time.

  • Goodness - this sounds like me too ! stopping smoking then hitting my running again - glad its not just me :p

    I'm seriously considering the fact that all smokers are unhappy at some level even if they are not aware of it. Believing we actually enjoy smoking and are in control is a big fat lie IMO. Good luck LUcy.:)

  • Very true. But the opposite can be said for quitting. I feel SO in control, and very proud of myself. Even after this short amount of time.

    How long since you quit Sami? I so want to be where you are right now. You're right to be proud of yourself, well done. :)

  • How long since you quit Sami? I so want to be where you are right now. You're right to be proud of yourself, well done. :)

    Thank you. I quit on the 2nd (i had an early morning smoke at a NYE party on the 1st).

    Not long, but the worst is nearly over!

  • Thank you. I quit on the 2nd (i had an early morning smoke at a NYE party on the 1st).

    Not long, but the worst is nearly over!

    That's great, really pleased for ya! I'm on your tail, lol.

  • Sami, I just noticed you have your quit date in extra large font at the bottom of your posts....Feel silly now, hehe.

  • It's getting rough now peeps. Internal dialogue is going crazy. I sometimes wonder who is actually in charge upstairs! just one more fag, you can start tomorrow....but I've committed to stopping....no one will know, make this the last time... And on it goes!

  • Franky keep talking to us read old threads on here. Keep your mind busy do not give Nic any airtime.

    I am Debbie, I've been reading old posts most of the day. I never want to forget how hard this is. It's like Nic is laughing at me. He knows me inside out and is going test me all the way. Ugh! Sorry, just feeling sorry for myself. Going to try and watch something funny, maybe that will help. Thanks Debbie.:)

  • I watched airplane the other day that film makes me howl. Any probs come back here xx

    I haven't dragged myself away yet, lol. I will and in any case I'll be around later. Thanks for the support. x

  • I'll have to give airplane a go!

  • Im on call this weekend want to be here for my fellow freedom fighters. x

    That's really kind of you....I'll certainly be calling on you. :D Just going to watch the new Birds of a Feather on Iplayer, hopefully I'll get in a few laughs in...

  • Sami, I just noticed you have your quit date in extra large font at the bottom of your posts....Feel silly now, hehe.

    Lol put it down to the withdrawals :p

  • I don't know what's wrong, I just don't seem to be able to stick with it....I smoked last night and all of today. :mad: I really, really want this....more than anything but this ******* thing has me over a barrel.:( About to sink into a bottle of red.:(

  • Awww Frankie :(

    Firstly you need to stop beating yourself up. You need to be in a positive place when you re-start your quit.

    Look at what went wrong and when the successful quitters see your reasons they can help you. They can't quit for you but they might be able to see what you can't.

    You can do this Frankie - we all can x x

    Thanks Karri, I'm preparing for tomorrow. Not sure what is wrong....guess I just need to find the strength to see it through.

  • Hardly anybody wakes up one day and quits then never looks back so don't beat yourself up too much. I would suggest practicing saying no to yourself. Push yourself to your limits, but you have to start controlling those nicotine urges. And remember, YOU are in control, not your cigarettes. Every time you smoke you are extending your withdrawal in an endless cycle until you stop.

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