Day 7 - ive killed the demon

wow! Ive had the most emotional 3 days. literally bursting into tears for no reason. nearly screaming. phone calls to various people about what i should do. this morning was really bad. probs the worst i ever felt tbh

my mum said to me 'please just have a squirt of your nicorette spray before you do anything stupid' so i did. it helped abit but i still didnt feel any better kept thinking 'only a fag will will help'

my friend phoned who said to me 'i think you should just smoke 5 a day, its too much for your body goin cold turkey'. at this point i agrred and left the phone call as going shop for fags.

I thought about it more and thought....I dont want to have to smoke 5 fags a day to feel alright though!? IT THEN DAWNED ON ME!

fags have done this to me! not giving them up! fags have made me feel sh*t inless i have one! I was happy before i started smoking and i will be happy again! urika! :D you know what i still feel anxious but i know now that i dont want to smoke. I NICOLA dont want to smoke, the nicodemon wants to smoke. and by god, i will kill him before he kills me!

so yer, i had a squirt of nicotine. but I DID NOT SMOKE and im happy i did squirt actualy because it gave me that lil bit of breathing space i needed to clarify all this in my head. Im going gym now to have an angery run on the tredmill lol.

anyways long post i know, but i had to share as its a bit of a revalation for me.

I look foward to when the anxiety dies as im just regular me, minus the fags :)

7 Replies

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  • Max is SO right - That Nic Demon is an evil, sneaky son of a gun and will try all ways to get you to give in - I've been really positive in waking hours but every night I dream I've given in and am back to smoking full time, and in each dream I am ashamed and disappointed with myself for being weak, then I wake up and the realisation that I haven't smoked just makes me stronger for the day - Evil and sneaky he may be but he ain't too smart, he's made us all stronger by realising who he is and what he does. Use whatever weapons you need to keep him at bay, sprays, screams, hell for leather workouts - anything but don't let him get his slimy hands on you again - you are definitely stronger than him, just keep on showing him your tail and he will eventually get the message and leave you alone. :)

  • Fantastic

    You did really well so congratulations! I don't think I could put it any better than Max. I wish you good luck on your road to freedom

  • Nikki!!!! :D:D :D

    Yes it's a eureka moment!!!

    I Love these moments,you have made a huge breakthrough here! A realisation that fags don't make you feel better or more relaxed they just carry on the cycle of stink and death and only by having another fag can you temporarily calm the bad cravings from the one before.The only answer is to STOP and get off this insane roundabout of death.:mad:

    You don't want to be a slave to Nic O'Tine any more and that is brilliant :p he will not take this news well though Nikki and he will fight like mad to get you back in his sweaty,smelly yellow hand so you too must fight to stay out of it.

    You are really pushing along now into new territory and remember the most honest words we would all say are these-Hang in there,because it really DOES get easier,MUCH MUCH easier :) X

    I believe you 100% i am starting to feel for myself that it is actualy becoming manageable. Dont get me wrong im still psychologically a smoker, my brain is looking for ways and reason i could have one BUT that fire in my belly that was yelling for it has shut up and im beginning to feel relaxed.

    Thank you so much for all of your encouragement it really does make someone having a hard time see some hope :)

    This weekend a few girls are going out. I wasnt going to go but i am going to rock along now for a few hours. Im not going to drink because i just dont feel ready to battle that one yet, so im being easy on myself, but it will still be nice to get dolled up and get out even if i will end up being the coat and bag minder :rolleyes: lol xxx

  • Gosh! Well done Nikki for beating the deceiving craving....when you get to this stage, your body has already changed including taste buds, smell etc...so the feeling, taste etc of smoking has gone too....we remember what it was like, but the actual taste etc will now be totally different and not as enjoyable as we might imagine. We're training our brain to accept that nicotine is no more....day 5 was incredibly intense for me as was day 6 but I was amazed at day 7 and today that I've hardly had any cravings or nowhere near the intensity they were....so glad you had that revelation!....keep strong and remember you knew you wanted to stop and knew it wouldn't be easy but your nearly at the other end....so keep beating that monster down :)

  • wow! its amazing how day 5 and 6 was the worst days for both of us, it must be the physiological changes in the body after removal of nicotine, its the only thing that explains that one.

    I always thought day 1,2 and 3 were worse tbh, but they were a walk in the park compared to 5 and 6!

    I am really glad i dont have to do that again though. I think even if i went to light a cig i would think 'you know what, not again thanks'. ;) lol xxx

  • I've killed the demon

    It's great that you feel so positive - and please don't take this the wrong way - but you absolutely haven't:eek:

    The demon is a permanent resident inside you forever - inside every one of us. You will never stop being an addict. He is sitting in a corner, silent, sulking and weakened, but always there and waiting for a moment of complacency. Never forget he is lurking, never forget to respect him, and never think you've killed him for good - drop your guard for one second and he will bounce right back into your life and take it over. Again.

    I know this to my cost, as do many others on this forum, who have thrown away a long term quit in the past, by thinking we'd won the battle, and 'just one wouldn't hurt'. Your demon is there, just waiting for moments like this - he has learnt to bide his time, but months (or years) down the line, just try feeding him and you will find him just as strong as he ever was.

  • Oh yeah i know that. I ment more the hold he has on me as like you said, he is starting to go to sleep! I still want a fag so im well.aware of his being there:D choosing not to tho.

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