wow! Ive had the most emotional 3 days. literally bursting into tears for no reason. nearly screaming. phone calls to various people about what i should do. this morning was really bad. probs the worst i ever felt tbh
my mum said to me 'please just have a squirt of your nicorette spray before you do anything stupid' so i did. it helped abit but i still didnt feel any better kept thinking 'only a fag will will help'
my friend phoned who said to me 'i think you should just smoke 5 a day, its too much for your body goin cold turkey'. at this point i agrred and left the phone call as going shop for fags.
I thought about it more and thought....I dont want to have to smoke 5 fags a day to feel alright though!? IT THEN DAWNED ON ME!
fags have done this to me! not giving them up! fags have made me feel sh*t inless i have one! I was happy before i started smoking and i will be happy again! urika! you know what i still feel anxious but i know now that i dont want to smoke. I NICOLA dont want to smoke, the nicodemon wants to smoke. and by god, i will kill him before he kills me!
so yer, i had a squirt of nicotine. but I DID NOT SMOKE and im happy i did squirt actualy because it gave me that lil bit of breathing space i needed to clarify all this in my head. Im going gym now to have an angery run on the tredmill lol.
anyways long post i know, but i had to share as its a bit of a revalation for me.
I look foward to when the anxiety dies as im just regular me, minus the fags