Oops

Damn.

Day one again for me :(

After 190 days(ish) of not smoking I crumbled and have been smoking again for the last 2 weeks. I have come to the realisation that whilst nobody else knows, its only myself I am cheating. My 8 year old daughter asked why i smelt of "ash" the other day and I managed to explain it away. It would seriously upset both my kids to know I have been smoking again.

Lessons learnt: By having to hide, I know what I am doing is stupid and wrong. I have to stop again!

So here I am. Again.

16 Replies

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  • omg Paul, I'm quite shocked, you seemed pretty solid in your quit, I'm only a week or so behind you! Can I ask what triggered the relapse? Well played for coming back on here and admitting that you don't want to be in that place. You will kick them permanently I'm sure of it.

  • I really don't know Karen, just a moment of downright stupidity I guess. I wont make that mistake again!

    Thanks for the support, at least I know what I face now :)

  • I guess it shows just how quickly nicotine can take a grip again! You'll be good, like you said, you know exactly what you have to face now, you've done it before and will do it again. Stay strong:-)

  • Gutted

    Paul,

    I know you are more gutted than anybody and sounds a bit ashamed as well. GOOD.

    Welcome back to the wagon mate, use these feelings of guilt and shame to make sure you grip on tight and don't go falling off...

    The hot weather has been a bit of a challenge here too and the wee git has been coming in with a very little devious voice claiming the summer is his... DO NOT LET YOUR GUARD DOWN...

    I am keeping my eye on you even more closely now...

    Ps: any newbies the craves I am talking about are not proper take your breath away craves they are little... Niggles like an itch on your toe... Easily dismissed but quit tempting to give a good old scratch too... The bad craves go very quickly into your quit.

    Paul

  • Oh Paul

    You monkeyte tunkety as we call our 1 year old grandson!!

    OK, each and everyone of us have been where you are, please just dust yourself down and start again. You've done the baby steps, now up a notch and take toddler ones!

    Fi x

  • Damn.

    Day one again for me :(

    After 190 days(ish) of not smoking I crumbled and have been smoking again for the last 2 weeks. I have come to the realisation that whilst nobody else knows, its only myself I am cheating. My 8 year old daughter asked why i smelt of "ash" the other day and I managed to explain it away. It would seriously upset both my kids to know I have been smoking again.

    Lessons learnt: By having to hide, I know what I am doing is stupid and wrong. I have to stop again!

    So here I am. Again.

    Such a shame Paul :(

    But glad you're back here fighting stronger. It's quite a scary reminder that all it takes is one and, if you don't get yourself back on the wagon straight away, you're back to being a smoker again.

    x

  • I am so glad you are sharing this. I was feeling quite confidant in my quit and you have helped me to remember that it can happen at any time. Good on you for coming back! I am so proud of you! You did this once and you can do it again. This time you know how to identify your weak spot and fight against it better. I honestly don't know if I would be strong enough to give it another go.

    Many hugs!

    River

  • Thanks everybody for the encouragement and kind messages, I will get it right this time. Over 200 days and now back to the beginning. Ah well, I just have to get on with it now and not make the same mistake again!

    This time! :)

  • omg

    reading your post , makes me feel omg will it ever end , am feeling so good about myself at the min , but after reading what you have to say , will it all be in vain ????????? x help why why am i making myself think of smoking , i really don't get it , last cig 29 dec not had one puff , nothing well patches , but not had them for over 3 weeks so am free , SO WHY TONIGHT DO I WANT A CIG help x HELP X

  • Thanks everybody for the encouragement and kind messages, I will get it right this time. Over 200 days and now back to the beginning. Ah well, I just have to get on with it now and not make the same mistake again!

    This time! :)

    Paul,

    A nasty tale and a grim reminder to us all of how easy it is to fall back under the evil spell. I remember blowing my last big quit and I was horrified at how quickly I was back under the thumb - and it took me four years to take the plunge again - hope it doesn't take you that long:eek::eek:

    You sound like you want to climb back on the wagon which is great - what's the plan this time?

  • Paul,

    A nasty tale and a grim reminder to us all of how easy it is to fall back under the evil spell. I remember blowing my last big quit and I was horrified at how quickly I was back under the thumb - and it took me four years to take the plunge again - hope it doesn't take you that long:eek::eek:

    You sound like you want to climb back on the wagon which is great - what's the plan this time?

    I re-read Allan Carrs book whilst I put my last one out, updated my application that runs at boot and stopped cold turkey again. Sad stats now :(

    imagemuncher.com/?img=24137...

    I *WILL* do this!

  • Paul,

    I am so sorry to hear that you slipped up so far along. I can understand how badly that must have made you feel. Nothing to be done about it now except to dust off, learn from the over confidence and begin anew. I will be right here travelling with you.

    You already know you can do this!! Go get em... :)

    ~Sherri

  • Paul,

    A nasty tale and a grim reminder to us all of how easy it is to fall back under the evil spell. I remember blowing my last big quit and I was horrified at how quickly I was back under the thumb - and it took me four years to take the plunge again

    Me too, although it was 3 years in my case.

    Scary how "one or two when I want a treat" becomes 20 a day and more isn't it?

  • I will do all I can to help anyone, I hope I learnt from my mistake(S). *WE* can do this! :)

  • Still going strong, GTF nicotine! This time I *WILL* win! :)

  • Excellent news Paul, so glad you managed to nip it in the bud.

    I hope you are feeling strong in your quit once again.

    The whole episode highlights the danger (to each and every one of us) of complacency.

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