I am a strong person. My mother has died, I have organised everything and I mean everything on my own. I have taken I don't know how many phone calls from people that have incorrectly assumed I can cope. I have coped though and that is because of a few very special and precious people.
As a result, all of the people I have helped get to this point are, so they are telling me "emotionally ready" for my mums funeral, which is Monday, and I am so so SCARED, I am terrified. I feel like a little girl and I do not want to go. I would give anything not to have to be there.
God, I want to give in right now. I want to run away, I want to pretend that I smoke, that she is with me.
I am so sorry to do this to everyone