I'm so scared

I am a strong person. My mother has died, I have organised everything and I mean everything on my own. I have taken I don't know how many phone calls from people that have incorrectly assumed I can cope. I have coped though and that is because of a few very special and precious people.

As a result, all of the people I have helped get to this point are, so they are telling me "emotionally ready" for my mums funeral, which is Monday, and I am so so SCARED, I am terrified. I feel like a little girl and I do not want to go. I would give anything not to have to be there.

God, I want to give in right now. I want to run away, I want to pretend that I smoke, that she is with me.

I am so sorry to do this to everyone

Molly x

47 Replies

  • Oh Molly, Im so sorry, I do know exactly what you mean about everyone thinking your strong, but we all need someone to be strong for US sometimes, Funerals are not nice anytime, but when its a close family member its very hard. Just try to get the strength to do this, Its the very last thing you will do for your mum.

    Just try to get through this, I know you can do it....... I will be thinking of you my lovexxxxxxxxxxx

  • So sorry

    Hey lovely,

    It's ok to be scared and it's ok to feel small and helpless.

    The best thing you can do right now is just accept the fact that Monday is going to be one of the worst days of your life. But it will be over. The pain might still be there, but the terrifying prospect of burying someone you love will pass.

    Its a horrible - horrible thing, and people wrongly assume that if one is strong enough to deal with all the practicalities, then they will be ok to deal with the emotions. They are so wrong.

    Try and take some deep breaths, maybe run yourself a bath (I had one earlier when I was having a wobble and it really helped) and remind yourself that it is perfectly NORMAL to not want to go to your mum's funeral.

    I really feel for you and I'm sending you lots of virtual hugs and healiing vibes. You know having a ciggie isn't going to bring her back. And throwing away your hard earned quit won't make you feel better.

    And another thing - you may have NO control over what happened to your mum, or having to go to the funeral, but you are in control of yourself.

    Carry on being strong and post as often as you can.

    Lots of love and hugs



    PS: Will be thinking of you! x

  • Molly, I know exactly where you are coming from, Lost my Dad, then 6 weeks later lost my mam, the day of her funeral is a blur, i know i got through it, but couldn't tell you how.

    There is no right or wrong way, if you fall to pieces, you fall to pieces, simple, do not be afraid to be afraid, if that makes sense.

    You will do it, you will get through it, i promise, in the meantime here is a great big ((((((hug)))))).......

    Angela xxxx

  • So sorry Molly.

    I started to pen something poignant with the expectation that it might make Monday somehow more bearable, then accepted that there is nothing I can add to ShoeGal's post. That's it for me. We chaps think we can fix everything, truth is we can't. All I can hope for is that you get through the next few days knowing that you're supported, encouraged and waved at by a bunch of strangers who are blowing kisses your way.

    Bless you!


  • Some lovely messages posted there and I agree with all that's been said. Thinking of you Molly and have PM'd you. xxxx

  • Molly, my heart breaks for you. It would be wrong to say I know how you're feeling because of course I don't. But I do know that feeling of dread, of losing the plot at the funeral.

    All I can say is that I'm sure you will find the strength within you to celebrate your Mum's life, to give her the farewell she deserves, and maybe find some memories to make you smile as well as cry.

    Try not to worry about people's expectations of you. The day is about remembering your Mum in whatever way you need to.

    There will be huge waves of heartfelt prayers and strengthening thoughts coming from all your fellow quitters on this site. Me included.

    I hesitated about posting this poem, but it helped me a lot when I lost my brother last year. In fact I read it at his funeral (God knows how). You might find something in it that helps.

    Thinking of you. Really.


    You can shed tears that she is gone

    or you can smile because she has lived.

    You can close your eyes and pray that she’ll come back

    or you can open your eyes and see all she has left.

    Your heart can be empty because you can’t see her

    or you can be full of the love you shared.

    You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday

    or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.

    You can remember her and only that she has gone

    or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.

    You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your


    or you can do what she’d want: smile, open your eyes, love

    and go on.

  • Oh Molly, your post made me cry...

    Sending you a big virtual hug, I have no idea how you are feeling right now but i'm imagining you are feeling pretty isolated & scared - when we smoked we used it as a way of coping with certain situations, whether it be sad news, happy news, anxious moments, stressful times... When you've smoked a long time it's not just going to go away that quick so you are bound to be feeling this way...

    I think people always think people are coping, it makes them feel better to think that way but usually we hide the way we are really feeling & put on a brave face for everyone else... I'll be thinking of you on Monday, I had a stillborn daughter 21 years ago & I was numb throughout the funeral but everyone said I coped well (I didn't) brave face thing again.

    You are entitled to be sad & to grieve & miss your mum, so do what you have to do (without cigs) and only be strong for YOU not for everyone else.

    Denise x

  • I'm gone, I have smoked

  • (((hugs Molly))) xxx

    You will do whatever you have to, to get you over the coming days/weeks/months xx

  • Don't beat yourself up Molly, do what ever it takes to make you feel better & when the time is right you can start again... i think you have shown great strength & most people would have crumbled days ago.

    Thinking of you,

    Denise x

  • I can't stop shaking

  • Ok, a few mature and sympathetic people on line right now Molly, how can we help?

  • Try & take some deep breaths, deep through your nose & slow from your mouth... Sounds like you're in a bit of a panic - smoking has probably made you feel a bit light headed too...

    Try to relax & don't stress about smoking, you will get through the weekend & Monday but you need some support around you.

    (((big hugs)))

    Denise x

  • Molly,

    My heart goes out to you, and I am sending you a hug and praying for you.

    Stay strong my love and here's a little help from him above. I've pm'd too.

    Footprints in the Sand

    One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord.

    Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.

    In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.

    Sometimes there were two sets of footprints,

    other times there were one set of footprints.

    This bothered me because I noticed

    that during the low periods of my life,

    when I was suffering from

    anguish, sorrow or defeat,

    I could see only one set of footprints.

    So I said to the Lord,

    "You promised me Lord,

    that if I followed you,

    you would walk with me always.

    But I have noticed that during

    the most trying periods of my life

    there have only been one

    set of footprints in the sand.

    Why, when I needed you most,

    you have not been there for me?"

    The Lord replied,

    "The times when you have

    seen only one set of footprints in the sand,

    is when I carried you."

  • Have inboxed you Molly xx

  • Molly, is there any chance you can see a Dr, to see if they can give you anything to help you get through Monday. x

    You will find the strength to get through it. x

  • Have inboxed you Molly xx


  • Ditto xxxxx

  • I really don't know what to say. I am shaking too much as well

    I think that is from being stupid stupid stupid and I WILL NOT be doing that again ever. The only time anyone would ever do what I have done tonight is for self destructive purposes.

    I cannot say that smoking a cigarette tonight was because of my mum because smoking is what took her from me. Why would I do that? That's stupid!

    Thank you so very much all of you, you pulled me out of what was the worst tailspin in my life!

    I will leave this forum because I will not go back to day 1 but it is what I agree with so I can't decide

  • please don't leave molly, not just yet, forget the smoking for now, think of the support you so obviously need hun xx

  • Molly, you need to do what you have to do, to get through Monday, that is your priority, please don't think you need to go back to Day one, that was a hiccup, do not give up on this forum, or quit. We are all behind you.


  • You have the strength

    I am so sorry Molly. I wish I could put my arms around you and just stop everything for a few precious moments. Nothing will ever be the same again. I am so sorry. You have the strength to do this and you will do it and when it is done, everyone of us who is apart of this online community will help you through the best we can.

    Don't leave.

  • Molly, nobody would expect you to go back to day one. You are going through one of the worst things you will ever have to do. I would have been smoking like a chimney. We are all here for you.

  • Messaged you X

  • Oh Molly

    Very very sad news Molly, my thoughts are with you at this sad sad time x

  • Oh Molly I'm so sorry you're having a horrible time, it's awful for you ((((( Molly )))))

    Please don't feel you need to leave here or go back to day 1, you've always been a huge support to everyone on here and nobody's going to want to make you start over. If they do I'll slap them :p

    I hope you get through the next few days as well as possible, I'm sending lots of love over to you

  • Hello everyone,

    Thank you all for your messages and posts. I wanted to let everyone know how I am. I woke up this morning feeling a lot calmer and much better able to cope.

    Last night I hit such a morass of emotion and I just couldn't handle it at all. I suffered a moment of utter madness and a desire to hurt myself, after all the only thing smoking achieved last night was to cause myself hurt and pain. I wanted that last night.

    I have woken up this morning with absolutely no desire to ever smoke again and what's more I know I will not.

    With that in mind I have decided to move forward from this and treat it as the monumental act of stupidity that it was. As such I am going to treat 28th September as my original quit date, that way I get to keep a beady eye on Kazzy and Nifty. However, in my heart of hearts, my unofficial quit date will be today, after all it is my first smoke free day.

    Best of all, I now have two dates to celebrate, a bit like the queen and her birthday! I've always been greedy :)

    Anyway, thank you from the bottom of my heart for everything you guys have done for me. You are all such amazing people and I am blessed.

    Lastly, please don't worry anymore, I seriously do feel a lot better. Sadder, older, a little wiser but much calmer.

    Molly x

  • Bloody Hell Molly

    Checking in to make sure you are on the straight and narrow Molly and see you are having a crap month... bloody hell.

    Straight off Sorry about you mum Molly. Sometimes it seems that somebody up there is having a proper laugh at our expense and is throwing everything at us all at once - if that doesn't provethe big man has quit a wicked sense of humour I dunno what does. I am really sorry your are having all this crap land on your plate.

    Secondly when we are in the penthouse (ON THE 28th SEPTEMBER - regardless of what you think or feel) that 1 smoke will seem pretty irrelevant cause we'll be so tanked on the free bar.

    In 10 years when we are 10 years : quit believe me 1 smoke 6 months into your quit will be a bit of a non-event Molly. My father-in-law has been quit for 30 years expect one week he smoked 25 years ago when he burried his wife... I would still say he is quit 30 years and given his emotional state likely in the one week he did in those 30 years during extremely traumatic stress I don;t think he even remembers the smokes or cares given the circumstances...

    Heres to 30 years smoke free for us!

    Take care of you Molly I might be largely absent but that is no excuse... your arse will still be getting booted into that penthouse in 7 months.


  • Good for you!

    Hello Molly, so glad you are feeling better and that is a good plan. I knew you would come up with something. You are an amazing young woman to go through what you have been through AND to do all the arrangements too. I take my hat off to you. Lots of love coming your way Molly from me! xxxxxxx

  • Hi Paul, thank you for that. Feel free to boot me into the penthouse. You just made me look at it in yet another way!

    No more slips for me I promise

    Molly x

  • Thank you Haze, I remember you saying that my mum was proud of me, and do you know what, she told me she was really proud of me for staying off them about 2 weeks or do before she died. You were right. Love and hugs coming your way too xxx

    Hi Max, thank you, you are lovely and always there for people.

    I'm not sure I warrant admirers to be fair. After all it was a huge mistake.

    Molly x

  • Double Dipping

    PS : You will not be getting a second cake and stuff either on todays date either... I know your tricks young lady... x P

  • Hi again Paul,

    You can't blame a girl for trying!! :D

    I was always brought up to get the best out of any situation!

    Molly x

  • I'm so glad you are in a better place today and that you are feeling so much better than you sounded last night ,Molly. Sometimes things overwhelm us and this past couple of weeks you have been put under such strain and stress it's no wonder you had a blip...and that is what it was, a blip.

    Here's something to make you smile.Well it made me smile anyway and it's making me smile every time I look at it. xxxx I now want one of these BTW.

  • Big sigh of relief!

    What would we ever do without you, Molly?

    So glad you are back and feeling in control.





  • Lol Becky, that's so cool!!

    I want some of those for my pup xx

  • What would we ever do without you, Molly?

    So glad you are back and feeling in control.





    Thank you Nik but I don't feel as though I really do anything. Thank you for your pm too, it was beautiful xx

  • Molly I know !! When you see the Springers ,Cockers and GSD's wearing them on duty you just know they are so sensible in their line of work. But lots of people are having to get them for their dogs because the salt on icy roads are causing injuries to dogs' feet. I just love those little Boston Terriers. They look so cute, don't they? xxx

  • Molly I know !! When you see the Springers ,Cockers and GSD's wearing them on duty you just know they are so sensible in their line of work. But lots of people are having to get them for their dogs because the salt on icy roads are causing injuries to dogs' feet. I just love those little Boston Terriers. They look so cute, don't they? xxx

    I know what you mean, he has such sad eyes! Very cute indeed. You should get one. I want a border terrier but my current is anti social!


  • hey Molly :D

    Off topic but-

    Do you have a photo to put on my best shots thread? Its a bit like collecting England world cup 1966 player cards and not having Roger Hunt,not having your pic ;) x

    I would love to Max but unfortunately I have yet to have a successful photo taken, the camera keeps breaking!! :D

  • Nice to see you're feeling a little bit better Molly :)

    You're a strong woman...

    Denise x

  • I'd love another Boxer, Molly. They are my real favourites. But since having a German Shepherd, I am now not sure.....

  • Nice to see you're feeling a little bit better Molly :)

    You're a strong woman...

    Denise x

    Hi Denise, I am fairly strong I suppose but I also have fantastic friends, including you lot on here. You wouldn't believe what a difference this forum made last night and today. I would never have believed it if someone had asked me 6 months ago that this level of caring and support could come from perfect strangers!

    Molly x

  • I'd love another Boxer, Molly. They are my real favourites. But since having a German Shepherd, I am now not sure.....

    My absolute favourite breed is Labrador, they're like boxers in a way, so very loving xx

  • Molly, you seem much better than 24 hours ago, I'm really pleased! :)

  • Thank you Hawkeye, I feel a lot calmer. I still feel really sad but last night it was like having every bad emotion going on all at the same time and I just couldn't manage it. I'm not usually an overly emotional person so I just wanted to self destruct, that sounds weird doesn't it? It's how I felt though.

    I'm relieved that I didn't feel like that anymore when I woke up

    Thank you for your message as well Hawkeye it meant a lot

    Molly x

  • Hi Molly

    Im so glad to see that you have been posting on here yesterday and feeling abit more upbeat

    keep in mind that your going through a very difficult time atm and your moods are going to be all over the place so be kind to yourself and it is part of the griefing process to hit out and being the sort of person you are instead of hitting out at others you hit out at yourself but so glad yesterday you felt calmer

    really hoping today you will still feel the same

    as you can see from the responses you have had on here you know you can come on and post and receive all the support you need

    sending you *((HUGS))*

    Carol xx

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