I have a Demon in my head!!!

Today is day 1 of my new life as a non smoker. And day 12 of Champix. In the days leading up to my quit day I smoked less and less and thought that today would be a breeze. How stupid was i. It has been a long rough day but the worst part was that little voice inside me head telling me how I love to smoke, and I should have a smoke oh and why not just go have a smoke!!!! I'm trying to be strong and keep telling myself that this is my choice and that's all it is. Yesterday I chose to smoke and today I do not. This works most of the time. I haven't caved to the voice and I'm determined not to but I'm thinking I'm gonna end up in the nut house!!!

11 Replies

  • Hi peta - that voice is all too familiar. If it helps, name it as the voice of the addict. The addict is a kind of phantom which whispers bullshit addict thoughts. All addict thoughts are lies, without exception! The addict is only interested in one thing - survival. It will die if it isn't fed cigarettes, so it wants you to smoke - at all costs. So let it die!

    My addict is so feeble now it hardly exists. As you starve yours, it will go the same way.

  • Thanks for your reply :) please tell me how long this will roughly last. I'm trying to keep busy and active and I'm also trying to face all my triggers head on.

  • It's intense where you are. I would like to say that it will be gone in an hour or so, however that is unrealistic.

    Concentrate on the short term only. By short term I mean the next hour. Set yourself the target of getting through the next hour. Then, don't think about anything further ahead. Just concentrate on getting to the end of the hour. Repeat this for the next hour, and so on.

    Once you realise that you can get through an hour, that will give you confidence, which is a great help.

    Also, keep posting, and have a good rant if you need to.

  • Thanks to both of you for your advise. Today has been one hell of a dark day. I used to smoke roughly 30 a day for almost 19 year and was well and truly addicted. I'm also a stay at home mum to four kids so life can be a little stressful at times. And extremely boring at times as well. My OH has decided not to quit and I respect this completely as I know that to quit for good you have to be really ready to quit, which I am. The thing is if I can learn to deal with this demon in my head, will facing my triggers head on make it easier in the long run??

  • There are different types of triggers. Some you hit daily, i.e. the reglar smokes you used to have, such as first thing in the morning. Others occur less often - like being down the pub. Still others are rare - weddings, funerals etc.

    You can't really avoid the daily triggers (unless you lie in bed all day!), so there is nothing to decide there. For the less frequent triggers, I would advise you to not pile on the pressure any more than you have to. It's probably better to avoid them for the first couple of weeks. That said, some people want to get out there and slay as many triggers as they can. So really it's up to you. Just don't let over-enthusiasm endanger your quit.

  • Hi Peta,

    Some great advice here with which I completely concur, so I won't repeat it.

    I just want to add something which might help, as a fellow mum. I used to believe that cigs helped me cope with the kids when they were driving me up the wall. What I learned, slowly, as my quit progressed, was that it was quite the opposite. I used to get aggravated with them *because* I was craving nicotene, and it was affecting my mood. The longing to escape into the garden and smoke made me so much more impatient. They weren't actually being that aggravating at all. And whereas I thought that without fags I would be a much grumpier person, once I got past the first few weeks I was so much calmer - not just with the kids but all round - that I barely recognised myself. So stick this rough patch out because I guarantee you, it will get easier and it will pay dividends.

    The other thing is the boredom: this is the killer of many a quit. You are used to smoking to relieve boredom (although really, how we thought breathing smoke in and out made our life more exciting is a bit of a mystery!). So this is a huge trigger for you and you have to think proactively about ways to tackle it. Find something to do with your hands, make a list of activities you could try. Some people found knitting or sewing helpful. Some people cleaned like loonies to get rid of all the stinky fag smell! Crosswords, computer games, going for walks, hot baths, baking cakes, colouring books, whatever floats your boat, but find some distractions for when boredom hits.

    Finally - that inner voice is so familiar to all of us quitters. As someone said, that's your inner junkie. Picture your inner junkie - ugly, pale, smelly, greasy haired, with bad teeth and disgusting skin, with a whiny voice, desperate for a fix. You don't want this horrible being inside of you and the only way to get rid of them is to keep making that conscious choice not to light up when you get the urge. Keep making the choice and I promise you, hand on heart, it will get easier and easier. You CAN DO THIS.

    Take care,


  • Yes thank you for all your wonderful advice. After a great night sleep I'm ready to tackle day 2 head on demons and all:) creating new 'healthy habits along the way :)

  • Hi Peta

    Sounding all too familiar!!

    I am three months in; the first about 6 weeks for me were the most trying, especially in the evenings where I must say I felt anger! So I decided to change my routine of watching TV when the family chores were done, by going jogging or a long walk, followed by a hot bath and bed, it really got me through those first few weeks! Everyone is different, its like we have to re-train out minds to not think about it and find an outlet to get through the firts while.

    Everyone has different thresholds; my experience has been that entering month four is very different and much easier!!

    Best of luck!

  • thank you for your reply cause tonight has been hell. I have 4 kids and have fought with them all including my partner! This seems to be getting worse sooner than better but tomorrow night i will go for a walk....wish me luck :I

  • I totally sympathise with you....................It does go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hope the walk helps!!

  • Hi I am new on here, I am on Day 6 cold turkey and I am still finding it hard.

    Aged 39

    Stopped on the 18th January

    Smoked for over 20 years

    20 roll ups a day

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