Ok so another of my motivations was my baby boy- he outright asked me to stop ( should really get round to writing a list in one place)

and despite the fact im past the 2 month mark im laden with guilt as he is sat next to me on the sofa barking like he's been chugging on and exhaust pipe for a year,

I smoked while i carried him (justified by its my body HOW DARE YOU tell me what i can /cant do, theyre ultra lights & its only 4 a day instead of 20 and ((the truth i was never ever prepared to have kids it wasnt part of the plan))) yet as soon as i had him i quit. no craves, no temper, no issue it never bothered me to be around smokers i was indifferent, then when he was about 9 months old i just picked oneupand started again (right about the time i stopped feeding him) same happened for my baby girl.

So now he's barking away feeling rotten and so am i, i can (just about) cope with the damamge i may have caused myself, but what long term crap have i lined up for them? If guilt offsets it they should be ok, if not im screwed

im off to eat choccy and cuddle him and generally make him say mu-um get off me im not a baby

3 Replies

  • Hey Sassy,

    Whatever damage you may or may not have done to your children by smoking, you cannot take back, you have however given them the best chance from now on by never smoking a cigarette again x

  • Hi Sassy

    guilt is a terrible burden to carry around with you especially when its because of your actions :(

    but like anything that is negative you have to draw a line under it and forgive yourself and move on

    yeah i know thats easy to say but it is achievable you can do it

    just remember that you are only human and you have alot to be grateful for

    the fact that you saw the light so to speak and have quit while your kids are still small is blooming brill :D

    kids are very resiliant and they will heal and recover and i bet they are loving the new mummy that doesnt smell or leave them to smoke and then come back smelling and being able to spend more time with them too doing things without even thinking about your next smoke/fix

    look forward rather then back as you cant change whats happened so why beat yourself up about it as it doesnt do you any good

    you have got the freedom and control back in your life



    Carol x

  • thank you Karen & Carol

    I know its too late and as you say move on, but i spent from about 2am to 5am crying in bed (not just over this - there are a lot of anniversarys "due") and feel much better

    and at least now they have me and they have all my attention when we play, cook whatever rather than having half my attention because im planning when i can escape earliest for a smoke

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