im so down and want a fag

My o/h moved out on Tuesday and all i want to do is run away and i really dont no how im ever going to get over this.

We have lived together for 10 years,we both got into a rut he had very little work sat on his x box many hours sat on the pc many hours,woudnt take me anywere.He said i have gone against him because of the situition we are in, he said i have put my barriers up and shut him out, he said all i have done is nagged him about money,bills,never going anywere with me,him allways on x box.He said i drove him away.

The only way he would of stayed was for me to commit 100%and drop down all by barriers and not to keeo havening a go at him about the suition we are in and at what he does.

I told him i coudnt do that so he has left me moved 150miles away.

He has rang me to see if im ok all i do is cry

please help me anyone x

10 Replies

  • Hi Kay,

    Sorry you are going through such a s**t time. Maybe some time apart will be good for both of you in that it might help put things into perspective. It's easier to think straight away from the situation that is causing the stress/upset. I hope that will be the case for you hun.

    Gaynor xxx

  • Oh Kay my heart goes out to you and I can see exactly why you would refuse to give 100% it has to be 50/50 and if thats not possible then you have to move on and you have and I know you will come through this and be a stronger and more independant lady, he is putting all the onus on you and relationships dont break down because of one it takes 2 to make or break a partnership I am sure, you are trying so hard to give up something that is so hard to do and I dont want you to smoke cause even if you do he will not come back and you want feel any better only sadder that you have given up your quit, wish I could give you a hug and rub your back for you, have you noticed that is what we do when we try to comfort someone, things will get better and you need to stay on line and chat if you can at least it will keep you focused on something else, take care babe and we are here for you xxx

  • Hey Kay,

    I too agree that he's put the whole focus on you and that's plainly wrong. You gotta know and accept that this isn't all of your fault.

    But the thing is you're needing someone right now, somebody to rest your head and troubles on their shoulder. Can you give someone, a relative, a close friend, a call asking for them to come round?

    Don't smoke because that will just add to the awful feelings you have at the moment.

    I don't know what pma is but do know it's something that you women send to each when one is, I'll be an honoury girl at the moment - loads of pma to you :)


  • first - a big hug from all of us out here who understand your distress . please keep strong if you can -and dont buy some cigs . it wont change what has happened. I wish I could help.

    Do you think he may be depressed because of losing his job?

    if you can when possible -keep talking . xxxx

  • Kay my lovely.....I know it hurts and it will take time but you will get through this and there will be a brighter future for you. No arguments, and no one pulling you down.

    Stay strong

  • Kay,

    Hang on to what other friends and family have told you.

    Since quitting they believe you have changed ........... but for the better.

    Time, Kay, and patience and being strong for you and your daughter


  • My friend has been here for a bit now she has gone home o/h rang me to see if i was ok and to tell me he had no choice and he still cared for me but he said we coudnt of gone on like we were any more.He said i changed from a very loveing person to someone very bitter who was so wrapped up in money bills and what he was doing well more so what he wasent doing x thanks to you all so much xxx

  • Well, there you go, Kay! Loads to work with and possibly you could get some external and professional counselling help to work it through for the both of you. From what you are saying it seems that he wants to work it through too. Both of you'll get there, sure you will :)



  • He's being very unfair ...

    Oh Kay, I'm so sorry you are going through this. You know what though, the fact that you would not accept his unreasonable demand of changing 100% to basically accepting what he was doing 100% means that you deep down know that he was/is being unreasonable and that you cannot accept that. Obviously the situation you were in was making you unhappy enough to let go and keep your self-respect - the fact you have quit smoking shows your inner strength so you can do this and you can stick to your guns. I think he is being totally unfair trying to lay emotional shxt at your door when it sounds like you were the one doing the work, paying the bills etc. I am sure it wasn't his fault not having a job in this climate but was he actively looking for work or helping around the house etc? it sounds not if he was always on the x box? Maybe he couldn't afford to take you out but did you offer to take him out? He could have felt a bit of a failure and a bit depressed so the xbox was an escape but if he didn't actively look for work or help you out then he has no right to lay the blame on you. If he was helping in the house and actively seeking work then maybe there is more for you to discuss and look at from both angles? It must be very tough to be a couple living in that situation.

    I wish you all the best how ever this pans out but DO NOT let yourself take the blame ... you are better off without a person who treats you like that.

    We are always here for you Hun.


    Jodi :p

  • so sorry Kay ((((((hugs))))). What a sh*tty excuse. Why should you do all the compromising, it's a two way street. The way I see it is this, he is acting like a spoilt child who can't get his own way, having said that, he probably feels low because of the rut you have gotten into. Take some time for yourself, get to know the new non smoking Kay, I'll bet she is not as bad as he is making out. Take care Kay, and be strong, you will get through this because you are a strong woman xx

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