Friday nights are the hardest

[nsd_user663_51869]

Hi everyone.

I stopped smoking two weeks ago after many failed attempts. I am 26 and began smoking (on and off) at 13.

I am (generally) really happy that I've stopped. I feel so much better and really pleased at starting to feel free. I read Allen Carr's book and have been finding it quite easy to cope with. This time feels different.

However, I really can't deal with Friday nights. I am not very good at so******ing (I am rather shy) but somehow, I felt a lot more confident with my cigs. And I used to have a cig (or ten) with a drink at the end of the day as a reward for a hard week's work. There is no way I can face going to the pub now, because I know I will freak out.

This Friday and last, I cried on the bus home and the only way to cope with the urges was to go to bed at 7pm. Of course, I'm messing up my sleep patterns and it's now 3am on Saturday morning.

I'm scared I'll never so******e again. That the only way to not smoke is to hide away. I mean, I find it difficult to so******e anyway, but smoking did help. My boyfriend is clearly getting fed up of this. He goes out without even trying to wake me up.

Does anyone else feel a similar way? How have you dealt with it? Thanks for listening.

[nsd_user663_51869]

Ha, this forum doesn't like social ising! I guess it's the name of a well-known sex drug.

[nsd_user663_42390]

Hi I know exactly how you feel that is how I felt at the start of my quit. I too used to like a drink and a smoke on a Friday after working all week. It used to feel like I had nothing to look forward to and I thought I would never enjoy weekends again.

It gets better.

It just takes some time to get used to, but you will stop thinking about it and a Friday will come along and you wont even notice that you didn't think about smoking.

[nsd_user663_51726]

8 days in

I know how ya feel, i should of gone to a BBQ last night but i couldn't face it.

I'm lucky i'm not as shy as you but i do feel like the weekend will never quite be the same.I know everyone says one day at a time and that is really helping but i'm looking back with such fondness at the moment and yet when i was smoking I really hated it (how does that work)... anyway back to you I guess it will get easier (it must).If you read the post's of people who have managed to stay quit for some time they all say it... I reckon you just gotta hang in there for a bit longer and it will all sort itself out... good luck if it means staying in for a couple of weekends to make this thing stick it will be worth it.... Once you don't want a fag then you won't want one for confidence (I hope I'm right) , good luck again and keep the faith

[nsd_user663_51869]

Thanks everyone! I was browsing other parts of this forum and I found a few posts which suggested that a change of routine can really help because it breaks the habit and association of cigarettes with certain things.

I never, ever go to the cinema or out for meals on Friday nights but I think I will make a plan to do something like this for next Friday. Maybe I'll have my G&T and gaze out of the window (without the cig) on Saturday evening instead.

I know and I believe that life is better without smoking, so I'm trying to be positive. And yes, I totally know what you mean when you say you look back with fondness even though you hated it at the time. I did enjoy my smokes with a drink but I still had to smoke even when I didn't want to. Life IS better now.

[AngryBear]

Hi, I was all for pattern changes when I first quit but on this forum read that not everyone agrees with that route. I say that you must do whatever works for you, especially in the early days...whichever way you do it, good luck and stick with it, as you say yourself, you feel better without cigs now so it's worth it

[nsd_user663_20558]

Hello, and welcome to the forum.

I do a lot of acting, and I always used to liken smoking to a personal prop: you rehearse with it, you gesture with it, you have little comforting routines associated with it, and you use it so much it seems to be an inherent part of your character. Therefore, when it's taken away and you have to go 'on stage' without it, you feel lost and panicky and unable to perform because your prop is missing and it's all you can think about.

But actually, all it takes is going on with the show a couple of times, and it doesn't seem nearly so important. The 'character' you are comes from much deeper inside, and a prop doesn't define you.

Think about it rationally. How does smoking actually help you soc1alise? Does it make you cleverer, funnier, livelier? How exactly does breathing poisonous smoke in and out make you more confident? Well of course, it doesn't - even if it feels that way. You are who you are and you deserve to feel strong and confident without the need to hide behind a cloud of choking smoke. Just stick it out a couple of times, it will get better. Friday nights are just another smoking association which needs to be broken. It's not impossible!

If you think it will help to break the routine and avoid the pub for a while then go for it. But don't leave it so long that it becomes a huge mental stumbling block. You can do this!!

All the best.

Helen

[nsd_user663_51869]

@helsbelles: wow, that's a really useful way of seeing it. I like that. Thanks everyone for your help and encouragement.

I went out for a meal last night (do not usually go out for so many meals!) and had three drinks - a beer and a half and an amaretto. It was tough and I was tearful and frustrated on the walk home - because I didn't see how I could ever be socially confident again. However, I do believe it's very slowly getting better - there's no way I could manage a whole evening of social interaction right now but I can do an hour or so, say in a restaurant with my boyfriend, or office drinks with colleagues.

I don't want to let the nicotine addiction win. People say 'Why can't you just be a social smoker' but it doesn't work like that.

At the same time, it's really bad for me to be avoiding all social events because I'm the sort of person who'll lose friends and start to get even more frightened of going out. It really sucks. I guess I just have to accept that if I don't want to be a slave to cigs, it's the price I pay - for now, at least.

Anyway, on to week three.

[nsd_user663_50410]

Hey & well come to the forum! Congrats on your quit...... it is soooooo worth it! I too struggled with this part of the quit. For 19 years, everytime I had a drink, I would spark up (40 a night on a heavy one) & trying to change this habit was difficult..... but not impossible! After my slip on my B'day, I stayed away from such occassions & would only allow myself a couple of drinks with close friends either at home or local pub. No clubs or wild nights out & it has got easier & easier to deal with. I have started drinking with my mates again & to be honest, it doesn't bother me any more. It can still be a little tricky when the demon starts with his triggers but I just smile & laugh as they soon pass plus there is NO WAY I am ever going to go back smoking again! Smell better, have no cough anymore, happier, more energy, more money in my wallet...... the list is endless! Chin up, take one day at a time & before you know it.... 1 month, 2 months, 6 months, a year!

[nsd_user663_51671]

know what you mean about the cigarette being a social prop. I've never beeen a great one for so******ing anyway but if I did it was one after another on the fags. Truth is it's always been a dubious at best social prop made worse by the ban; pisses my wife off if we're out and I do the usual 'back in 5 minutes' routine. Then come in wet, wind-blown, shivering and smelly.

I certainly don't miss all that. Neither do you - you're doing great.