The hardest day of my life.

This morning I was told that my beautiful, smart sassy hilarious 89 year old mother who daily supported me on the phone on my smoking is dying..... on the way to the hospital I thought about buying that packs of smokes because my heart is aching beyond belief.. but in doing this all the past few weeks of my mothers support was all for nothing. At this moment I am having a constant battle inside and I am praying that I make it out of this one. Why must I be challenged at this stage of the game? this seems so unfair :(

36 Replies

oldestnewest
  • Oh Annette, I am so sorry to read this, but please, please take some time alone for about 10 minutes with deep breathing inhaling for 4 and exhaling for 4 and while doing this, think how smoking is not going to anything for your Mam and how horrendous you will feel if you smoke, hang on to your Mams support and you will get through this.... there is nothing as strong as a mother and daughter bond, you can do this, post throughout the night even if no replies (have all time zones covered with members), I will check in first thing in the morning, wishing you strength xo

  • Thank you so much, I feel so detached from the world... I dont even feel human anymore. But one thing is for sure I refuse to give up I would upset my mother and everything, every word she has spoken to me before today about smoking would all be a waste and I will be damned if I start again, for me and for her I will never go back. Tomorrow is my turn to spend with my mother at her side until she passes unless she does tonight. Thank you Roisin01 I will post again. I wish for inner strength I need it now more then ever.

  • I am so very sorry,my heart goes out to you, All I can say is smoking never made anything better,we had just been brain washed to believe it did,stay strong you can do this xxxx

  • I am really very sorry to hear this news. It is just awful and 'no', it is not fair, not fair at all. I imagine the urge to smoke is massive but this is not a reason to do so. In fact, if you do smoke it will likely make you feel worse than ever and will do nothing to alleviate the grief you are feeling.

    Just plod on. Smoking won't change anything and will have a negative rather than positive impact.

    I hope you are ok. 🙂

  • today I am okay .. It has been days but I am starting to deal with my smoking .. my mother.. I am good! I think : ) thank you so very much for your help because even if you dont think so I read all of these posts every night to keep myself above water... I thank you for helping me do that .

    Annette

  • This is probably the worst challenge you will face and you won't have to face it alone, we are all here for you. Your main supporter can't do it personally but you'll remember everything she ever said to you. Keep those thoughts with you and the love you share.

    I've just completed day one again after so many attempts and within days I've fallen. My reason for this are minuscule compared to what you're facing. If you can get through this then I really need to up my game.

    You are an inspiration, don't undo what you and your mother have achieved.

  • Ciggie my apologies for not thanking you sooner, keep going buddy I am so can you :)

  • Hey Abratforu any news? Hope you are doing OK?

  • Hello all I just wanted to thank you for all your kind words, Roisin I am still on the straight I am not smoking, and I am as okay as I can be. I am off to the hospital for my shift with my mother. thank you all again

    Annette

  • Ah Annette, good to read, you are doing amazing - sending you best wishes for your Mam and wishing you continued strength xo

  • How is things today Abratforu ?

  • HI I have been by my mothers side for so many hours I cant even count... my mother went into the hospital with massive bleeding in the brain... old age.. I am happy to tell you that I have not smoked , do not intend to smoke for the rest of my life because my last conversation with my lovely mother was me telling her dont worry mom.... I didn't smoke. She is still breathing and still alive and I have to tell you this is probably the most painful hardest thing I have had to go through I am losing my mother and she is so stubborn to be alive.. oh gawd i wanted that smoke but NO way I am sitting here and still smoke free... as I cry for my smokes I cry harder for my love of my mother and will never again be controlled by it.

  • "Why must I be challenged at this stage of the game? this seems so unfair"

    Sometimes we want to write Karma and send a list of people missed.... but "keep on smiling and someday life will get tired upsetting you"..

    I know at this stage very difficult for you but please hang on in there and know our thoughts and prayers are with you and your dear mom.....!!

  • thank you

  • I am having such a difficult time please help me......... please

  • Hi Annette.i hope you are doing ok. I'm smoke free over 5 weeks now and I just wanted to let u know that in the last week when they were days that I found hard,I used to come on here and read the posts. Seeing how you were progressing was one of the things that kept me going so when I came on here this morning and saw after everything your going through and not smoking,shows me that I don't need to smoke. You are someone that inspires

  • thank you I am sorry if I have not acknowledged your post I have just been so way out there... and hearing that your probably more then 5 weeks now inspires me more :) thank you

  • badgio I do apologize for not replying sooner... today is the first day that I can come here and say hey thank you :))) really I am very sorry it took me so long but I miss my mom and when I thought about her before I could not even be alright because I love her so much.. but because my love for her is so strong that kept me from lighting up the smoke :D I am proud of myself.. my heart still hurts but would hurt more if I went back to the way I did.. thank you again for your message and I am so sorry I couldn't have been stronger then to answer you back.

  • Hi Annette.it's no problem at all...I hope your doing okay.I'm delighted you didn't have to pick up a cigarette,I cant imagine how hard it must been for you. We'll all stick together and beat these god awful cigarettes.Very proud of you.

  • thank you :)

  • Hi Annette, you are doing great and will get through this and will be so stronger in your journey never to smoke again, I promise - wish I could offer you some advice and help to ease this devastating ordeal you going through, please know you are doing so well and that we are proud of you...again post any time....

  • How is things now Abratforu

  • HI, well mother is still hanging in and so am I :) I feel much better accepting that she will no longer be with us , I will be okay.. thank you so much for everyone's support !! still a proud non smoker :D

  • Our prayers are with you..Strongs !!!

  • thank you everyone for your sweet thoughtful posts.. I am feeling much better although my mother is still hanging in there, the shock is over now just to wait . Still not smoking :D thank you all again

  • How is things now Abratforu ?

  • Roisin thank you for thinking of me... I have had a difficult month.. my mothers funeral is this Thursday... but I feel strong stronger then before.. I know in my heart that there will not be another day that I will pick up that smoke because I am stressed... thank you all for your kind support means the world to me.. I am the woman who survived! I am so very proud of myself and so very proud of all the posts I have read of all the people who are starting where I began... trust me... your strength is within yourself... your strength blooms to all around you... be strong because many need to follow your path... I am strong and I will beat this.

    Annette

  • Ah Annette, l am so sorry to hear of the passing of your Mam. May she rest in peace. I/We are so very proud and wish you continued strength and courage over the coming days and weeks. Post anytime.

  • Thinking of you today Abratforu as your Mam is laid to rest xo

  • Hello Roisin, got back from my mothers funeral today it was beautiful in the church my mother took us all to for many years.. I shed some tears, she is at rest finally and now I can carry on. I have not let myself down no smoking for this girl, in 2 days it will already be a month! thank you for thinking of me, will take some time I do love my mother.. but time heals they say so in time I should be back to me . Thank you again.

  • Good to read you got through what must have been an horrendous sad and emotional day - time is a great healer but she will be forever in your heart - just take it day by day and post anytime - here for you...

  • HI today actually since Friday I have had to really watch myself.. very hard cravings so hard I cried myself to sleep.. I do not know why maybe I missed my mom, tonight has been extremely difficult for me I dont want to talk go outside nothing... I dont know whats going on but my heart feels like It's in a grip that will never let me go :(

  • Hey yah, I'm so sorry to hear this. I hope you can stay strong through the difficult times ahead and don't let the down times get to you. Sherryl

  • Welcome to our community 8123 - perhaps create a new introductory post and share your story - have you or in the process of stopping smoking?

  • Had quite a few stop starts as well. 9 weeks stopped smoking today.

  • Well done 8123 - nearly at 3 months - we are here for you if needed, just create a new post so will be seen straight away by members :)

You may also like...