New Thread for Jokes

[nsd_user663_13779]

My new found friend Shellywinters has given me a good idea.

I am starting a new thread so that everyone has a place to go for a laugh when you need it. If you have a joke please feel free to add it and if you don't have any jokes please feel free to search the internet until you find one so you can it.

I will start with one that I found earlier today. It may not be all that funny but it fits the subject we are here for - Smoking

In a School science class four worms were placed into four separate jars.

The first worm was put into a jar of alcohol.

The second worm was put into a jar of cigarette smoke.

The third worm was put into a jar of sperm.

The fourth worm was put into a jar of soil.

After one day, these were the results:

The first worm in alcohol --- dead.

The second worm in cigarette smoke --- dead.

The third worm in sperm --- dead.

The fourth worm in soil --- alive.

So the science teacher asked the class --- "What can you learn from this experiment."

Little Johnny quickly raised his hand and said. "As long as you drink, smoke and have sex, you won't have worms."

[nsd_user663_13779]

one more.....

Two voices, one male and one female, overheard on a plane:

“I think everyone’s asleep, let’s go”

“This one’s empty … no-one’s looking… you go in first”

“It’s a bit cramped – let me sit down”

“Have you got the condom? Quick – put it on”

Sniff sniff

“Ah perfume – you think of everything”

“This is great…..” (long sigh)

Static on the loud speaker then a new voice.

“This is the captain speaking, to those two people in the rear toilet. We know what you’re doing and it is expressly forbidden by airline regulations… Now put those cigarettes out and take the condom off the smoke detector!”

[nsd_user663_10813]

Hello no good at jokes cos I forget punchline -but love to laugh

all jokes and fun stuff so good to help forget the :eek: side of quitting xx

[nsd_user663_13779]

Hope it dosen't offend anyone

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is leaning against the headboard smoking a cigarette, with a satisfied smile on its face. The egg, looking a bit pissed off, grabs the sheet, rolls over and says, "Well, I guess we finally answered THAT question."

[nsd_user663_13779]

Hi Chrissie,

I will try to explain it but if you still find it not funny I apologize

Ok here it goes................

The big debate in America has always been which came first the chicken or the egg. Like which one existed on the plant first.

The slang word for came is cum which is slang for sperm. (The white stuff guys make when they finish doing whatever)

In the joke the egg gets mad because the chicken finished first and left the egg unfinished / un satisfied.

Hope this explains it a little better

[nsd_user663_13779]

An American travels to Spain, and after seeing the sights, he decides to see the “real” Spain, to get off the beaten track and be a real adventurer. So, he goes to some dusty provincial village with only one hotel, one restaurant and a bullfighting ring. After checking in, he walks over to the restaurant to get some dinner. Unfortunately, the man speaks no Spanish, and the waiter only the most rudimentary English. Confusion ensues with the menu, and finally the American just says “Bring me the special!”

A little later, a plate arrives with what appears to be two very large meatballs and some garnishes. The man doesn’t recognize them, but he figures that he’s on an adventure, so he digs in. And, he likes his dinner quite a lot, but can’t quite identify the kind of meat. So, on finishing, he calls the waiter over and, speaking slowly and loudly, in the customary fashion of those travelling beyond their linguistic abilities, asks what he just ate. The waiter explains: “Is, uh - ¿como se dice? - da tentacles of da koo… No, da tes-tee-cos - testicles! Yes, testicles of da bool from da bool fight today.”

The American’s first reaction is disgust, but after thinking about it for a moment, he concludes that if you eat some of the meat from cattle, you can’t really start complaining about eating the other parts. Besides, it tasted good!

So the next day, the American tourist returns to the same restaurant and tells the waiter to bring him the same thing as he had eaten the day before. Only this time, the balls of meat are much, much smaller. Confused, the American calls the waiter over to explain. And the waiter says, “Well, you know, da bool in da bool fight, you see, ‘e not always lose.”