oh my!!!

Ok had the worst mornig , I stopped twice at the tobacco shop, wanted to get out and buy a pack but I just sat there. I could not make myself get out of the car. I guess that is a good thing. But I realised that It wasnt me that was stopping me from gpoing in there cause this morning I couldve cared less about myself. I just kept seeing my sons face and how disappointed he would be in me...(((crying)))

I just cant do this I thought to myself. Why waist 40 days...But, who cares. I will smoke during work hours only and my son would never know. Who am I kidding, I cant be dishonest with him. Im so lost. I want a cig sooo bad. Why if its already 40 days? That should be long enough right? Y have the cravings come back????? Help!:(

13 Replies

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  • Be strong...

    Hey ZaNaDoO,

    Sorry you're havin a bad day, but stick with it. Imagine how you'd feel if you smoked after 40 days!!!! You'd be gutted and nothing else will have changed.

    Be strong.....

  • Yah, ur right. I just feel like the only thing that I enjoyed doing and was ALL FOR ME and now is gone. I know that may sound a bit stupid. but it makes me feel crazy, especially dealing with family issues,marriage, work and inlaws! need I list more. No. ok. its overwhelming sometimes. Its like I carry the world on my shoulders. Idk? I do know that i have come to a point of no return....I am 28 with 3 kids and do nothing but cook, clean, work. I dont go and cigs was the only thing I did for me?

  • Oh my lovely, feel for you. Please, please don't give in now. You say smoking was the only thing you felt was yours, maybe it was but it was, is could kill you. Sorry, sounds cruel but please try & find something to do for you that doesn't involve harming yourself. Life is a b***h sometimes & as a mum I know where you are coming from. the number of times I felt like I had lost me. Who was I? Could have walked out the front door & shut it & walked away on many occasion, it just gets too much. I didn't needless to say but smoking won't give you anything back.

    Gaynor xx

  • This will pass, I promise. Please hang on in there. Think of something you can do for you every day. Whether it's a walk on your own, a bath, anything but it must be for you. Even half an hour a day of YOU time will make you feel better ;)

    Gaynor xx

  • Stay strong ZaNaDoO - you have done so well - 40 days!

    And if you really think about it -can a few leaves and a bit of paper solve anything?

    Gaynor is right, this will pass and time for yourself is very important.

    Come on lady - you can do it - deep breaths and count to a hundred :D

  • I'm so sorry to hear you're having a bad time ZaNaDoO, it will pass, I know it will.

    It's so tough being a young mum, and I totally identify with that feeling of not having anything else for you apart from the cigs. I still struggle to buy myself clothes and things, cos when my kids were little, I felt so guilty for spending money on cigs, that I couldn't spend any other money on myself at all. No haircuts, no clothes, nothing to make me feel nice. Guess how rubbish I felt about myself, and for how many years, as a result?!

    This quit is the best thing you could ever do, the very best present to give to yourself and your family. There are no cheats, you can't bargain with the nicodemon that you'll 'only' smoke at certain times, and you know it!

    Hang on in there - I know it's day 40 and you weren't expecting a crave, but you've made massive changes, and it will take a while for your brain to catch up. Scream and shout and cry and grieve if you have to - but don't give in.

    We're all thinking of you - one step at a time. Smoke and your problems will still be there - you'll just be a smoker with problems. Worse, that negative little voice will start to make you feel like you've failed, and that won't help you at all.

    As Gaynor says, take a little time out each day, replace a monstrous habit with a pleasurable one. I'd recommend the walk if possible, as it will help blow away the cobwebs and make you feel better, but just take that time to do something for you.

    Big hugs

    Lottie x

  • thanks so much to all of you. My OH called and told me he bought a pack of cigs, he has given it. I asked that he please respect my wishes and not smoke around me too often. He agreed. Thats a plus. Im ok now. Him and I are going through a rough patch in our marriage. We married at 18 and I am 28 now, we have grown into different people (or should i say adults.lol) We are getting to know eachother again and it gets tough. Dont know if you get it or not? lol. Well I am here, giving in keeps creeping through my mind but I havent given in. I bought a treadmill, I may run some of this tension and stress off tonight. Hey I tried the counting and deep breaths... I have to say, it helped. Thanks!!...

  • awh zanadoo xx

    ure doing just great xx keep going ..u will be sad if you smoke & you will have to plan to quit all over again & believe me not a nice place...

    i can also relate to the husband thing..but i think wen we quit we put all our thoughts into something else & blame something else ( does that make sense too?) im not saying for one minute that you not having a bad time with your husband....it is maybe just a bad time you have to work through ....It prob dosnt help hes started smoking again wen ure craving so much..huh men!!! u prob feel uve lost support as well

    Well you havent we are here to support ure quit ..xx keep going & never give up ...........quit for keeps right? Xx

  • Hey when I least expect it a 'craving thought' pops into my head and confuses the hell out of me. But I think thanks to reading stuff on this forum I'm expecting it so have my battle plan prepared. Most of the time I'm eating healthy again and I have a little stash of 'treats' for when the craving issue won't go away.

    I do have to say though since giving up smoking I'm starting to notice things about people I hadn't noticed before. Little things they do now drive me nuts -it's not their fault, it's just I don't think I ever really paid attention before as I would be too busy thinking about having a ciggie or having a ciggie!

    This is the furthest I've got with quitting (apart from when I was pregnant) and I so don't want to have to go through all that again. Let's stay strong and we can do it! Not just for our kids but for ourselves...

  • Thank

    Ok Im here and it is barely 9am here. I am glad to say that I havent smoked. I am doing better this morning, thanks for asking. I am so thankfule for this forum. If it wasnt for all of the support here I know that I would be a smoker again. So I thanks all of you who are standing in front of me and behind me to catch me if i fall. lol. Im ready to crawl out from under my rock and get back on track. Have a fantastic day!!!

    P.S. I think you guys are right about the hubby thing. I realised I was actually jelous that he is smoking again. But for what? I laughed at myself when I thought about it. And yes I am noticing things about people that irritate me that I never noticed before. Its crazy, especially sitting side by side in an office with 30 women!! Not to mention that only 3 out of us 30 are non smokers!

  • Hi hun,

    So glad to read you are still on the straight & narrow & feeling better today :D

    Gosh, hope your co-workers are not allowed to smoke in the office. 27 people puffing away in a confined space would be a bit of a killer to say the least LOL.

    Hope you have a happy, non craving day ;)

    Gaynor xx

  • Ok Im here and it is barely 9am here. I am glad to say that I havent smoked. I am doing better this morning, thanks for asking. I am so thankfule for this forum. If it wasnt for all of the support here I know that I would be a smoker again. So I thanks all of you who are standing in front of me and behind me to catch me if i fall. lol. Im ready to crawl out from under my rock and get back on track. Have a fantastic day!!!

    P.S. I think you guys are right about the hubby thing. I realised I was actually jelous that he is smoking again. But for what? I laughed at myself when I thought about it. And yes I am noticing things about people that irritate me that I never noticed before. Its crazy, especially sitting side by side in an office with 30 women!! Not to mention that only 3 out of us 30 are non smokers!

    Well done ZaNaDoO - that sounded like a real nasty situation to deal with and to get through it must give you real confidence. I'm amazed that so few people you work with are non-smokers - that must make things really hard. I've had a few issues regarding my relationship with the OH and I've been thinking about why there's so much conflict at the moment. Before I stopped smoking, if there was a situation where there was a disagreement, I would grab a fag and disappear into the garden and there would be 5 minutes where everything calmed down a bit. Now I'm straight in there with a reply and I also have much more self confidence because I feel I'm finally dealing with the demon weed. This now changes the whole dynamic between us - previously I was this weak person that needed tobacco to deal with a conflict situation but now I'm much stronger and, to be honest, she feels really threatened by it. She's really happy I'm not killing myself anymore but hadn't factored in the change in personality that comes with it. By the same token, because I've faced down my biggest challenge, I'm much less tolerant of her weaknesses and inability to cope with certain aspects of life which makes things worse. I'm getting the same reaction from people at work who can't adjust to the way I've changed but I'm glad they don't see me as this addicted no-hoper anymore (I work in healthcare!) Whatever, I hope things work out for you and I'll be around on this forum for a good while yet - as you say, it really helps:) Al

  • Oh, I remember how nice it was to just escape with cigs outside away from the drama. Well, its getting better. I actually started a low cal and low carb diet, since I quit put on 10 pounds :eek:.....Oh and I purchased a treadmill just waiting for the hubby to get up and help me put it together...:rolleyes: Not sure when that will be. Hopefully this weekend... Thanks for being supportive. I love this forum... Keeps me going..This is my longest quit ever,

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