Well the day started rubbish...

[nsd_user663_7318]

...and it sorta got a little worse.

Over the past three and a half years now I've been settling my late father's estate; today was the day the final settlement documents got sorted for my review. So what I hear you say...well checking through them all whilst watching Summer (a great but very sad film with Robert Carlyle) didn't sit too well with me; the film is about Sean who nurses his best friend from school until is death. Bought lots of stuff back that I didn't think I still had in me. That lead to a trip to the village shop, a pack of 10 and lighting up; thankfully not smoking it ,but far too close for comfort and on that basis I'm starting again.

Strangely enough I new I didn't want it, I didn't crave it but wanted to prove something to myself; I'm not sure what yet! The smell alone made me reach.

So there we go..HAPPY DAY 1 PEOPLE!

[nsd_user663_8098]

keep going!!! you sound like you were doing well dont look at it as failure look at it more like a learning curb.

kate

[nsd_user663_3910]

Hi Stav. Emotions are powerful things indeed. It seems to me though that rather than fail, you have overcome a very powerful trigger. After all, you might have purchased the cigarettes, but you didn't smoke them, and by your own admission the thought made you feel sick.

Only you know how you feel, which way is forward, and indeed what it was you were proving to yourself.

Good luck

Lorraine

[nsd_user663_5920]

Hi Stav

You did well there and I do respect your decision to begin from number 1 again. You want a clean slate and a fresh beginning.

Blimey moses though.... you pulled yourself back there just in the nick of time .... from the brink. Well done, a massive well done for that.

I don't know if you had a bit of an argument going on with yourself whilst walking to buy the pck of 10.... I would of, but with the emotions bought up to the surface, doing what you were doing, it's not a surprise really.

Sometimes these near misses or blips really can serve a useful purpose.

You showed strength not failure, though I don't think your looking at this as a failure anyway:). Think through what this proved and what you went looking for but didn't find/want..... it'll stand you in good stead :cool:

All the best,

Pol

[nsd_user663_4121]

thankfully not smoking it ,but far too close for comfort and on that basis I'm starting again.

Point is you didn't smoke it.... may be too close for comfort but you won, you stared your addiction in the face and walked away.... go back to day one if you must BUT I think it's a victory and you should in my humble opinion stay on the path you're on. Well done, Stav.

[nsd_user663_7318]

Thanks all,

Due to lighting one I'd feel like I'm cheating everybody (and myself) to have carried on as if nothing happened. Seems a little wrong.

I've not reset my counter though, just removing £3 from the total

[nsd_user663_7762]

I'd consider it nothing more than a reality check Stav_98.

YOU bought some. YOU lit one. YOU didnt smoke.

Not failed as far as I'm concerned, just a message to us all that we have to be on our guard, and in control.

WELL DONE on getting this far, and well done for not giving up when it *might* have been so easy to cave in. 3 CHEERS TO YOU!!

Paul

[nsd_user663_4121]

I've not reset my counter though, just removing £3 from the total

Good move... welcome back to your month 2!

[nsd_user663_7318]

Cheers all

[nsd_user663_7344]

Stav you are still with me on 1 month and 3 days ... there is no way that counts ... get your arse back where you belong!

All of you hard work is not undone because you NEARLY smoked.....

I agree the £3 needs to be deducted though! unless you can sell a pack of 9 on eBay??

[nsd_user663_7254]

Just read your post now from yesterday Mart and the point is you DIDN'T take a puff, OK you lit it but you must definately continue in month 1.

You obviously were very emotional dealing with your dad's estate and watching that film, but WELL DONE for not smoking any of the cigs. I'm with you on the emotional time, not looking forward to my aunts funeral next week but stay strong, you have done so fantastically well.

shazie.x