Confident but a bit depressed

Hello all. I'm on my 57th day and don't really think about smoking much except when I'm on the forum. One thing I've noticed since I escaped is that I respect myself a lot more. It's been almost two months and during that time my confidence has been rising every day. This week I applied to uni, something I would never have done if I was still smoking because I thought I couldn't handle the shame of failing the entrance exam, or I couldn't handle hours of sitting there doing the exam because I'd want to smoke. My entrance exam is on Monday and it'll be difficult so I'm not holding my breath but I reckon it's worse not to try than to try and fail cos then I'd have failed before I'd even tried, if you can make any sense of that :rolleyes:

One thing I have been struggling with is a bit of depression. The depression might still be part of this process but could also be due to the leaves already changing color here. I suffer from seasonal affective disorder and every autumn/winter I go quite nutty (Finland is dark and cold). I'll have to go to the doctor and get myself on medication. I will not start smoking again just because of autumn depression. Anyone else got experience with this sort of thing?

8 Replies

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  • Congratulations on 57 days that's fantastic. Sorry you are not feeling so well, I do not know about seasonal affective disorder but have suffered from depression due to illness, I am guessing the feelings are similar. I got some medication which helped, even although I had not wanted to, I am glad now. I hope there is something to help you.

    Look forward to hearing how you go.

    Jackie

  • Hi there HQ,

    It's great to hear that you have got to 57 days successfully. I felt a lot better about myself too once I had quit, a lot more confident.

    I'm sure with your increased confidence you will cope with your seasonal disorder much better. I do understand about the depression but you have a lot of positive thoughts too - you have better health, wealth and you are in control - not the evil nico-demon.

    If you can quit ciggies, you can get through anything!

  • Hi Harleyquine :D

    Well done you 57 days is wonderful keep it going

    Well done also applying for Uni and I wish you every success with it

    I also suffer with SAD and the dark nights can be awful sometimes always feel better when it's lighter though

    Click the bottom link in my signature and scroll down quite a long way there's a bit about depression there that may help you I think

    Love

    Marg xxxxxxxxx

  • hey harley -

    soooo glad to hear you are still going. Im on my 3rd attempt since we both quit together and on day 6.

    you should fit your house out with these, my flat used to be really dark but these have made a massive difference. They are called full spectrum bulbs, and mimic the light wave pattern of natrual daylight. Like the expensive SAD lamps but work in any normal light fitting.

    theres loads of different places to get them from but heres one to get you started. (just google "full spectrum light bulbs")

    uk-energy-saving.com/full_s...

    dont you dare give in. and massive congratulations on the uni decision. If you can quit smoking you can definately get through monday. Best of luck for it. youll do great.

  • hi harley quine well done in 57days + now. I suffered depression has a teenager & when the nights are dark & long that in turn can make me feel fed up, sad & miserable to this day... just think how great you are doing applying to uni will probably be brilliant for you. You should just think leaving smoking behind is part of my past & most certainly not part of my future- keep happy, stay warm & think beautiful thoughts (of which i am missing a few today myself)

    keep going, keep posting & a big well done xx

  • Thanks everyone for the advice, much appreciated. Think I'll have to get in some of those bulbs and give them a bash. I have my entrance exam tomorrow so I've been swotting this weekend and snapping at my better half cos I'm stressed and I hate studying ;) Anyhoo tomorrow evening it'll all be done for better or for worse and tomorrow is also my two month quit marker :D so I'll be into month three, what a journey its been, will never go through that again and luckily the nico-demon is almost dead although am having nightmares that I'm smoking again. Last night I decided in my dream that I'd start the patches again today cos I wasn't going to go back to smoking. I'm rambling.. cos I'm tired and should probably go to my bed so I'll be fresh for tomorrow morning. Fingers crossed.. :eek:

  • good luck today

  • That bulb advice works. I know someone who uses them for the seasonal affective disorder and it helps them lots.

    Good luck, consider this a major bit of a wobble perhaps, but keep the strength up and carry on your success. your'e doing triffic!

    As you've come so far now, you will get by, we all will. we just will not let those demons ever be heard again :)

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