Self Confidence?

Good morning all

I really hope you are all well and your quit is forging ahead J

I am a bit upset of late and need to ask has anybody else felt the same?

My self confidence and self esteem must be at an all time low ….. at this present time in my quit L …

…I don’t know why and at this moment in time I can’t see a clear way back up again.

I was embarrassed and humbled after your unbelievably kind mentions on ak’s thread but to be perfectly honest I feel I actually say a lot of things wrong …. a lot of the time! :o

I thought that one of the benefits of quitting was a boost in your self confidence!

I have yet to feel this in my quit….

I’m sure it will come, I hope soon … I mean …. I can’t be that weird …. Can I? :)

Has anybody else felt this way?

I feel I have made so many friends on this site, it is touching and heart warming.

I actually believe in the human race again….for that I thank you all.

I am wondering if I should maybe bow out of the forum, for a little while, to get myself together and take stock of exactly where I am in my quit at this moment in time.

Thank you for all your kind attention and time peeps :)

Take care



18 Replies

  • no no no

    You can't leave me Greg :eek:

    All of me staying so strong is because of you, so don't get leaving,,,!!!!

    Self confidence of mine has also taken quite a dive, I feel so bloody useless, I also thought that by now all thoughts of smoking would be minimal, but no I think about them all the time and I hate it :mad:

    The only thing that keeps me going is u, Biggrin and everybody else on this forum...

    please stay with us

  • Hi Greg, don't you dare leave. You are an inspiration to so many and your posts are always enjoyable. I found I lost my self confidence as well but I got a couple of apps to boost that and they work.

  • Heyup Greg,

    You musn't think of going anywhere!!!

    Would you deprive all of us of your wit, kind words, positive thoughts, compassion and ability to express yourself better than anyone I have ever (virtually) met!!!

    No no no please don't Greg, you are so very much needed and appreciated by all of us newbies.

    I was told the other day that quitting smoking is a roller coaster of emotions, hmmm I wonder who said that (and followed with a really good visualisation that made laugh and feel better!).

    I hope you feel better soon too chuck. We neeeeeeeeddddd you :)

    Molly xx

  • we need you - you need us!

    SIT !

    STAY !

    we need you - you cant leave us! you find a slant on things that makes us smile and occasionally spit coffee over the screen. but mostly helps us through a crave or really p00 time

    You need us, if you are feeling low we will give hugs and support, we will listen to a rant, we will try and find the words you need to hear even if they arent the ones you want to hear.

    and if you go ill scweam and scweam til im blue in the face!!!!!!

    please stay :p

  • Hey Nifty...not been on here for a while...but this post stuck out like a sore thumb....the message is ain't going anywhere...too many people including yourself benefit from your contributions to this forum....look forward to seeing you in the 3 month crowd!!!

  • nifty's thoughts on quitting

    Good afternoon Nifty I am a fully paid up member of another organisation dealing with the addiction to alcohol. Many years ago I realised I had problem with alcohol(I was addicted) just as much so as we're both addicted to nicotine. However as I mentioned earlier "many years ago" in fact it would be 1971/72 I tried to stop drinking but failed. IT TOOK ME SOME 18/19 YEARS to resume my efforts to stop drinking fortunately succeeding second time around.

    Please don't this scenario happen to your efforts to quit nicotine you've got your foot in the door ,you've done the hard part you've admitted you've a problem with nicotine it does get easier believe me.

    Lefoy123 in Glasgow nicotine free since 22/1/2012 alcohol free 19/7/1990

  • Thank you so much

    Hello all :o

    I really don't know what to say..

    Your responses have just reduced me to tears ... and I am at work!

    I have cried more with you and for you than I have ever have in my adult life!

    Tears of joy, sadness and sometimes just frustration!

    I had to leave the office very quickly :eek:

    I actually love trying to help people if I can but my loss of confidence made me feel I was saying all the wrong things to people who needed real help or even just someone to bounce off.

    I had an overwhelming fear I was making things worse!

    Thank you all from the bottom of my heart for giving me your support.

    I do not know why I feel so useless at times through my quit.

    Most of the time I am right on top of it then all of a sudden I'm lying face down in the mud!

    I was thinking so much, on my drive to work, how to word my first post in this thread. I didn't want to sound like a whinging old wally or that I was fishing for compliments (definitely not me!) ....I just thought it would be for the best to step out for a while.

    Having said that I didn't want to just disappear as I think so much of you all.. Oh my...back in a minute .... getting out of the office for a while again!!!

  • Nifty Sit right down

    You are absolutely wonderful. You help a lot. I know that you are struggling a bit , but that is part of the ride. I know what you mean cos i thought I was a bit off and someone else said everything right, but we all mean well I think. This place surely is not just for people who find it easy- they dont need it so much. I know that I am quite positive but I dont know whats around the corner, could really start mourning my longest ever relationship, and I hope I would be able to ask for help

    We love you man!.

  • youre all quite mad and lovely

    Youre all mental !- you included MrsM you always know what to say , I only seem to say the same things, or if i DO think of stuff youve got there first :) which shows great minds think alike :D:D

    With plain text its all down to the readers interpretation, (smileys do help a bit though) and so far all ive read is common sense lots of luvs and a fabby trout double whammy pic

    Greg this is just a down on your rollercoaster ride, coast down it and we'll pull you up to your next peak where you can enjoy the view and give us a leg up when we need it thats how it works here remember, like i said we need you - you need us x x

    Sarah x

  • ...continued:

    ...I think maybe I never had a massive amount of confidence to start with.

    I always try to cope with situations with a chortle and a titter....I am usually a very happy person but this rollercoaster of a ride is shaking me up, down, left and right!

    I truly wish I had never started smoking all those years ago.

    The true depth of the hold that this habit/addiction had on me is only now becoming apparent and at times ... it frightens me!

    Sian, you have been my rock & strength when I have struggled over these past weeks. Whenever I have felt down I read your posts and tried to help if I could knowing that your inner strength amazed me!

    I drew from it, and dare I say, stole a bit of it from you here and there .... hehe! well.....maybe borrowed rather than stole!

    After your words below, how can I go anywhere now?

    Mols, you were also one of the first to say I had helped you. I was sincerely touched by that. It's moments like these we never forget.

    All of your words stopped me dead in my tracks...

    I was feeling sorry for myself again....

    I certainly wouldn't call it depression, it isn't craving, I really don't know what it is I am feeling....

    The one thing I do know after posting this morning .... is how powerful the people I have met on this site are.

    You are right Karri, I have not been asking for help ..... I didn't think I needed it anymore....I just felt a bit erm....."in the way!"

    I just want to help others forgetting I am just a toddler myself!

    I should have turned to my friends first and for that I apologise.

    I know now I cannot go anywhere!

    I need this site more than ever now …. let me rephrase that … I need you more than ever now.

    Oh bugger, I best get back to work, starting to get some looks sitting here sniffing like a school kid!

    My lunch finished 40 minutes ago! … but this is so important to me.

    Thank you all with all of my heart

    I will PM later



  • Agree and a whole lot more

    Try not to get too down, I have felt the same way now for 3 weeks, I feel useless, as though I am not a man anymore, and now this is week 6 coming up.

    Only reading other posts, has helped me to see that the quitting has caused all these problems.

    Only this morninbg my wife looked at my side of the bed, and my side was dirty from top to bottom. all I can do is hope that it is all the crap coming out of my body that has made the sheets look so dirty.

    It seems to be one thing after another, first lack of sleep, and then too much sleep, then back to normal at week 4, now the sleep thing has started again this week. I could sleep all day if I didn't have to try and do some work.

    Cold sores been with me now for 4 weeks and still not going, although not as bad as they were. One on each side of mouth.

    2 days ago was my wife's birthday, so as a treat decided to take her out shopping for the afternoon, well I was like a zombie, then all of a sudden a really big lump apperared on one side of my face near to my cheek bone, and was very red, and my face just was blotchy red all over, I looked terrible, also had problems breathing again as though I have a large frog in my throat and have trouble breathing (this comes and goes) and so then started to feel really low again, and started crying in the car to my wife telling her that I am a useless husband.

    I never ever felt this bad in my life, or this low, or this many ailments since I quit, but I am not giving in, I listen to all of you and your support, and hope that soon things can get better.

    So from what I can say is don't give up, if your as down as me, then we can set up a club together to compare notes.

  • Hi Greg,

    I don't think there's much to say which hasn't already been said, you've written some great posts and been truly supportive of everyone in their quit. When I read them I smile and think what a lovely bloke.

    I can understand how you feel regarding self confidence, as you have suggested it may have not been high anyway and somehow we feel that not smoking is going to automatically boost that, but I think it is a separate issue entirely. I also think when we stop smoking and once we kind of get past the craves we then look at ourselves and think - why the hell did I smoke? Though this does make us feel good that we've stopped we also then put ourselves down and think of ourselves as stupid and weak for smoking, which has a knock on effect on our self confidence.

    I think this journey will have lots of ups and downs which we have to deal with head on but support from a forum like this and from guys like yourself we have an excellent chance of making it through.

    Stay strong and be proud as you bloody well should be!

    Big hugs

    Karen xx

  • Greg

    You've said a couple of things that I experience too.

    One could be called "posting anxiety". I worry about whether my posts are any good or not, whether they are helpful or irrelevent, whether they are firm or cruel, whether they are funny or disturbing. I haven't done much posting before this site, and it seems to be a learning process. Your find out your own style as you go along. Also, sometimes I have a clear idea of what to say, while at others, I'm a bit vague. It suprises me to hear people - who I think leave high quality posts - say that they don't rate their own posts! That includes you, Greg :).

    I also really enjoy the great variety of different and distinct ways that all the people on this site express themselves.

    The other thing is anxiety/depressed feelings. Not nice. They change your whole outlook, way of thinking and how you see yourself. Once they pass I can't quite believe that I actually thought that way. This seems to be a symptom of giving up smoking. Personally, I think that smoking somehow masks emotions - perhaps sucking them down with the inhaled smoke. Once that sucking down process stops, those emotions (nice, not so nice, familiar, unfamiliar) are out in the open..........:eek:

  • Thank you for your words of encouragement everyone

    When I posted this morning I didn't even realise I needed help.

    I honestly thought that my posts weren't good enough, that everyone else had the answers and I that I was saying all the wrong things!

    The only solution I could see was to get away from it.

    I'm so glad I posted it now, I did consider just hiding! (what a coward!)

    I never thought when I joined this site that I would meet people like you!

    I never thought I would have my own quit buddies!

    I never thought I could make it past the first week if I'm really honest!

    I never thought I would have cried!! :eek:

    I never thought I would get the support I have received.

    Support that, in my opinion, can be better than any "flesh and blood" support group - as you all speak openly without the restrictions of daily life and the embarrassment of spilling out in front of someone (and I don't mean our waistlines! : ) hehe!)

    I have been thinking so hard today ... my head is actually beginning to throb!

    I am placing a line under this incident in my quit.

    That is it!

    I am calling that:

    "My Last Moment of Madness In My Marvellous Quit, No More Mopy Me!" :D

    I asked Sian earlier what she thought, whether it was too long a title or not, I think it's quite catchy! .... but she hasn't got back to me so obviously thinks its crap! :)

    I'm thinking of making it the title of my book, what do you think? Catchy?



    Tee hee!

    Well, onwards and upwards now peeps.

    No turning back, I hope that was the last speed bump (well more of a wall!) outta Dodge!

    Saddle up 'cos we got a long way to go!

    .......cue riding off in to the sunset!.....

    ......."Was that you Nifty?"........

    ..."Yeah, sorry about that, it was the beans we had for tea!" :D




  • Adding a couple of cents...

    For me, the confidence thing is related to how I used to feel as powerful as Humphrey Bogart when I smoked publicly. He, in particular, had this way of coming across like a man's man, you know? His image was part and parcel of the image I foolishly thought I projected when I smoked.

    That, and as a writer (back in the old days when I used a typewriter), I associated smoking with all those cheesy newspaper reporters in the film noir period, who all had one cigarette dangling from their lips with another still going in the ashtray as they banged on the keyboard. They looked powerful to me, and I wanted to be (and look like) them.

    Part of what I went through when I stopped smoking was the notion that a cigarette could boost my confidence. I had allowed it to become that for me. I gave tobacco magical powers.

    When I quit, it took a while, but a growing awareness came over me. It was this insight: I'm more powerful, and I'm more confident, because I quit smoking, not when I smoke.

    When I stopped smoking long enough to break the links between the habit and my feelings, I was able to regain my power and my confidence. When I cite my stats, it's with confidence and pride.

    Once in a while, I remind myself of how the guy in the Marlboro ads died of horrible lung cancer. I'm guessing he didn't feel particularly confident there at the end.

    So from Humphrey Bogart to the Marlboro spokesman, my associations changed. HB doesn't look sexy to me anymore - he looks ridiculous. And by the way, he died of throat cancer.

  • Glad you're feeling a bit better

    Sorry I didn't post earlier, I would have given you a hug and a cuppa and told you what the others did. Your posts always (always) make me see you talking and they also make me smile and forget my own downer moments :)

    You and Sian and Biggrin and MrsM and Kazzy and Cymro and everyone else - lefoy (hi I'm another Glasgow person <waves>) and everybody else who takes the time to come here and post. You are all amazing!

    Try to stop picking apart (edited that from '****ysing' lol) your posts or guessing what others are thinking about you, it is a sure way to allow any negativity you have about yourself/low self esteem to make you feel bad. I am trying to learn it's not my business what others think of me and I have to work out what do I think of me? And if I have a problem with myself I have to work on that until I think good things about myself if you see what I mean?

    Can you tell I have ongoing self esteem ishoooos and have been working on them :rolleyes: Hope my thoughts are useful in helping you make yourself feel better - and if not, please ignore my rambles :D

    <Belated big hug and cuppa>

  • Hi

    Hope ur okay. The fags were ur lifelong friend remember.. I both did everything together. Spoke to people, ate dinner, went on holiday, may even took relaxing baths together. ;)

    But ur now on ur own and need to do theses things without it.. And sometimes you will lose done confidence. It will pass

    I think if u need to take a break from this page then you should do what makes YOU feel good..

    Shell x

  • Just wanted to say hang in there....lots of folks have already said this and I totally agree with them. The cigs were integral to you and this new you, cig free, is going to take some getting use to. You haven't really lost confidence, you're just working on putting together the new you and in the course of getting comfortable with that new you, you have to have some form of release. For what it's worth, I have and will probably continue to blubber and cry for some time to come.

    A big hug from me :)

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