Ok this im gonna be self indulgent and list all of my reasons
Basically I grew up in a very smoky world. Most of my relatives smoked it was the norm. I started in my early teens but did not become a true "Smoker" untill my late teens. That was well over a decade ago. Truthfully smoking was something I picked up easily and naturally. I dont rememeber not liking my first cigarette. Truth is I like smoking, I am a bit socially anxious. I am uncomfotable waiting or being alone I am not the best at striking up converstation. Smoking worked as an icebreaker. In the last few years I have finally felt the health effects of smoking. I never did before it was more in the abstract but not I do really feel crappy from it. This is my main incentive to quit.
Reasons I Smoked to begin with:
Mainly I started becauase it was a great social ice-breaker in school. I am not the best at striking up random conversation and it gave you that in or common ground.
I became a real smoker though because I also used cigarettes as a crutch to control stress. This is one of the biggest problems for me. When I get stressed I can just smoke and smoke and smoke myself sick.
I will also admit that at some level the more socially unacceptable Smoking became the more I liked being a smoker. I do not like to conform.
The last few years I have realized I need to quit. I have tried several times and was almost successful maybe 1 1/2 of those times. I really thought I had it licked and then I just went back to it... convincing myself that I could just smoke on occassion or just for this weekend or just.... whatever you can guess where that led.
Reason For Quitting:
Bronchial hacking cough everytime I get a cold
Being painfully out of breath from running to catch a train
Dreading flying becaise of not being able to smoke on the plane
I work on the 54th floor a smoke break is a real pain in the.... and winter is coming
Stress... you know what I have it anyway
Fear of Cancer, heart attacks etc. finally becoming more of a reality as I get a bit older.
My job... I need to find a new one fairly soon. I know that showing up for an interview smelling smoky would be bad... starting out taking smoke breaks will look bad.
Being addicted... it sucks to feel like you NEED something]
Butts - they are nasty. The day before my quit I did this cleanup in my neighborood. We swept up countless butts off the sidewalk. It was disgusting. I know some of them were mine. EEW
Things I miss:
The random interaction and people you meet. I have met all sorts of people through stepping outside for a smoke or just being asked for a cigarette. I like that.
The kick that nicotine gives to alcohol. I dont get nearly the same buzz I just get sleepy. I can drink alot more without feeling it... although I know I am drunk.
Killing time, waiting for someone or just chilling with a cigarette seems so much easier.
That moment of relief... the minute to step away and "relax" with a cigarette when something is stressing you out and return with focus. I need to learn to take that minute without the cig.
Whats killing me now:
basically I am ok at home and at work... it is the inbetween that I crave a cigarette walking down the street. Getting off the train. Driving my truck. This is where I feel something is missing.
Also the anger thing. It is not that I am angry at new things it is just that I used to be able to step away and have a cig and calm down... now the anger escalates more.
Despite the anger/depression/craving I feel better physically.
I have been spending less $$$
I do not have to ride an elevator 54 foors 2 or 3 extra times a day and wonder if my boss notices how much I am away from my desk
I am not as self conscious about my clothes smelling of smoke... although it was not match for my boss's curry breath anyway.
Getting back in touch with my darker side... I feel much more EVIL it is sort of fun
OK that was my "Reasons" rant. I am sorry it is very long and rambling.