Day 15

[nsd_user663_2176]

Am so glad to be out of week 2 - it seemed to go on forever. Week 3 had better move a bit faster!

Last night was pretty bad. I haven't had cravings like that for a while. (Are they still cravings when there's no nicotine in your system?) Had a terrible night's sleep although that was to do with stuff going on rather than not smoking. Am really stressed about things with the bf (long, long LONG story) and just feel like going home, getting under the duvet and crying.

I really wanted to come on here this morning and post something really positive about day 15 and being in week 3 and it all going well but I just feel like cr*p today. I need a hug

[nsd_user663_1789]

BIG HUG for you Hbav!!!!

Something positive - you haven't smoked for 15 days!!!

I'm having a crappy time at the mo as breaking up with the boyfriend. I know there is no nicotene in my system now (almost 6 wks), but i do still think about the cigs, especially through rough times. Its an automatic reaction, have an arguement, reach for the cigs, get some bad news, reach for the cigs.

I think its the habits and associations that still need to be broken.

Stay strong, you are doing really well!!!

[nsd_user663_2176]

Thanks for the hug, I really needed that this morning.

I don't know whether it's lack of nicotine, having nightmares all last night, hormones, stress, etc but I just feel like I want to lie on the floor and bawl my eyes out - which I'm not sure I can get away with in the middle of the office!

[nsd_user663_1789]

Aw Hbav, i've felt exactly the same the past few days.

Only slept about 3-4 hours each night, been tossing and turning and my brain just wouldn't shut off.

Some girls in the office asked me yesterday if i was ok, i quickly told them i was tired and changed the subject before i started bawling!!! Haven't been able to tell anyone about the break up as i'll cry, but then if anyone ask if i'm ok i'll cry.

I'm feeling ok about the break up, but it is sad, and the tiredness is just making me more weepy.

I keep thinking i'll go home, have a good cry and get it all out. But when i get home, i find something to distract me and don't feel so bad, so i haven't got it all out yet.

I know this is nothing to do with quitting the cigs, its life thats stressfull and trying to deal with without turning to the cigs is quite hard. I've found myself wanting to drink more! Just something to turn to, i guess!!

I'm sure its the same for you, life is hard at the moment, the cigs won't make you feel any better, ONLY WORSE!!!!

Hope you feel better soon, keep your chin up and stay strong, then have a big cry when u get home. (I'm going to take my own advice here, too!!)

BIG HUGS AGAIN!!!!

[nsd_user663_2176]

Yeah I don't think it's even got much to do with the cigs anymore, I just feel sooooo down about stuff with the bf. Have no idea what's going on, feel like everything's out of my control. I just feel sick thinking about where he might have been last night and the last thing I want to be doing now is sitting here at work with nothing to do and having to pretend to be busy for the next 6 hours. Oh I am feeling so sorry for myself today! I just don't know what to do anymore, everything's such a mess.

How are you feeling about your breakup now? Does taking the control and making the decision make you feel better?

[nsd_user663_1789]

Deep down i've known he wasn't right for ages, we've been together 3 years, we had a break up this time last year, and i was kidding myself when we got back together.

Its gonna be hard, i care for him alot, he's portuguese and has no family here, but i've finally realised thats not my problem and not a reason to stay with him, he could've had everything with me but wasn't prepared to put any work into the relationship.

So, yes, it does make it easier to be in control. But i'm just taking one day at a time, not thinking about packing up his things, closing bank accounts, seeing him around the town and how hard that might be. Each day i'll tackle something new and just stay strong and get on with it.

I've actually redirected my emotions by joining an internet dating site!!!!

Just for a bit of fun, but by chatting/emailing some new blokes its taking my mind of my ex. And its new, i've never done it before but wanted to have the courage to try, there are some real freaks out there, but then last night i was chatting to a rather attractive vet!!

Yes its soon to move on, but i've always found it the best way to deal with a break up, find someone new to fancy, makes you feel like an attractive single women again.

Works for me, maybe not for others.

I assume you don't feel in control of whats happening? Can you take control?

[nsd_user663_2176]

Can you take control?

Yes, but only by ending things with him. I've tried everything else and nothing is working, maybe that's the only option I have left. I can't carry on like this, I'm driving myself mad. But I can't bear the thought of not being with him. Maybe I just need to be more patient and things will work out. I just don't know what to do anymore.

Sorry, I'm really rambling on a bit today!

[nsd_user663_1789]

Thats how i felt.

Only you know deep down whats right for you. Sometimes it takes alot of courage to end things, but you have it inside you and you can be strong.

Just remember you can't change him.

You should be with someone you will make you feel good and happy most of the time (all of the time would be perfection!!).

Don't worry what other people think either! (I did), if you did break up, you would be suprised at how many friends and family stand up and support you!

Maybe you can work it out, and i hope you can. But again, only you truly know that.

Best of luck!!!! Stay strong and be true to yourself!!!

[nsd_user663_1789]

Can you talk it through with friends and family?

I found by doing this, i answered all my own questions about whether my relationship was right or not.

[nsd_user663_2176]

Pretty much all of my friends think I should end it. He's done some pretty sh*tty stuff to me and despite all his promises nothing ever seems to change. I suppose part of me does think that I should end it - but part of me also thinks that I'd be throwing everything away when I just need to hang in there.

I hate feeling like this. I can't sleep, can't eat, can't concentrate. It shouldn't be this flaming hard all the time.

[nsd_user663_1789]

Would you actually be throwing anything away?

Does he make you feel good? Is he proud of you? Does he make you smile?

Just be careful you don't start to lose your self respect by letting him treat you badly.

Ok, heres a exercise, imagine your perfect self, the person you really want to be!

What does shes look like?

What is she doing/ how is she acting?

Would she let anyone treat her the way your bf does?

I've tried this myself, my perfect me is full of confidence, smiles alot, laughs alot, stands tall and has alot of self respect.

I've had to make some changes to get there, quit smoking pot, quit smoking cigs and now quit the bf!!! I'm not there yet, but i'm working on it.

Its hard, but i'm getting happier every day!!! (when i'm not crying about the break up )

I'm maybe way off the mark here, and sorry if i'm giving irrelevant advice.

Just trying to suggest some of the things that are helping me get through a tough time.

[nsd_user663_2176]

I'd say you're pretty much spot on the mark.

I am losing self respect and confidence. I'm a mess about what to do about all of this. I know I shouldn't let him treat me like he does, and I know that there's no incentive for him to change as I always put up with whatever he does to me. I'm so annoyed with myself for letting anyone treat me like this.

I really don't want it to be like this, I just don't see any way of changing things for the better.

[nsd_user663_1704]

Big hugs to you both x x x x

So glad you have found each other to help talk through tis all good x x x

I'll just say one quick thing.

When I split with my partner of ten years and 4 kids! I felt really low like that,

No confidence,

No friends,

he'd made sure of that! lol

But I wrote down the pros and cons like choco said and they didn't balance well.

When I really thought about what would change if we split, how much would I have to sacrifice it boiled down to a handful of Cd's!

So I bit the bullet!

It took time to build myself up again

But I am very happy now xx

What I am trying to say is Make sure it's totally what you want one way or the other then start doing it for yourself!

The quit is partly to do with it because there are massive emotional changes during a quit and part of the change is about turning yourself around.

It takes strength to quit and a real need to better ourselves.

Things continue on from there and many people go on to change their lives altogether.

~Buffy x x

[nsd_user663_2176]

I've got such a bad feeling about this. I didn't speak to him last night and today he won't answer his phone. Generally when he's keeping his head down like that it's really bad news. I need to know what's happening. :confused:

I know this is a really pointless rant but I just don't know what to do now. I'm stuck at work with no one to talk to and I'm panicing so much now.

[nsd_user663_1704]

How often does he do it?

If you can't find him or speak to him it is very worrying but try and really try and focus on 'No news is good news' I am sure you are building a hundred worse case scenarios and expecting everyone to of happened!!

But thats going to make you unwell.

Really try and distract yourself with a walk or a magazine x x

Don't panic x x

~Buffy x x

[nsd_user663_2176]

I am sure you are building a hundred worse case scenarios and expecting everyone to of happened!!

The worst case scenario is always right! And going on past experience it's a pretty worst case.

I left a message asking him to call me back and I've not had so much as a text. I know he's got reception as the phone was ringing. Which means he just doesn't want to speak to me - which means that he's seen her again.

[nsd_user663_1789]

If he is with her then he's no good for you.

And if he isn't, then you obviously don't trust him, which is no good for you.

(assuming this her is another woman rather than family member)

Either way is a lose lose situation.

You can gain control by deciding what YOU want.

If i were you, i would stop calling him, i would probably go home and throw all his stuff out on the street too, even if he hasn't seen another woman, just for staying out all night.

But this is just me, and what i 'think' i would do, i don't know what i would do unless i was in that situation.

Do you mind me asking how old you are and how long you've been together?

[nsd_user663_1704]

Tsk *sigh* bad boy

He's no good for you x x

You deserve better and will do a lot better.

These men make us feel we can't cope without them,

tis absolute b****ks!!

*hugs* H x x x x

~Buffy x x

[nsd_user663_2176]

I'm 28, he's 35. We've been together a couple of years and there's been soooooo much cheating and lying in that time. Everytime I think we've turned a corner and he's telling the truth it all kicks off again. His stupid b*tch of an ex won't leave us alone and she's caused so much trouble. I was just starting to believe that she was out of the picture at last but it doesn't look like it now.

[nsd_user663_1704]

Well it is time to make a plan and change this!!

You can not carry on going round in these circles!

He's done this to you,

even if there is an excuse for last night,

(highly unlikely! but if he lies, you still have all the other faults and manipulations to fall back on!)

you are right about the other times and he has made you feel like this!

Make a plan and be strong x x

~Buffy x x

[nsd_user663_1704]

*snigger*

Love choco's Clothes throwing idea hehehehe

I couldn't do that though lol

Soppy moi :rolleyes:

[nsd_user663_1789]

I bloody would if there was another woman involved!!!

My ex wouldn't have dared stray cos he knows he'd be bobbit'd!!!

HBav, if i were you (i'm not, but if), i would arrange going to see a friend tonight, and then knock your phone off.

Eventually he'll come back with his tail between his legs and puppy dog eyes and you'll fall for it.

I would go to the friends and let him worry about you for a change.

If you decide its over, then you need to be strong and tell him that in no uncertain terms, and try to do it without arguements and nastiness if possible.

If u stay in control, he'll realise u mean it.

I told my bf it was over last Friday morning, after he'd been out till 4am spending money we don't have. I'm screamed at him, telling him to get out, today!

I then left for work and said 'see you around, have a nice life', to which he replied dozily, 'yeah see you later' :eek: Er no, not later!!!! Cos you are leaving!!

You have to really lay down the law, or you're gonna be treated like a carpet!!!

[nsd_user663_2176]

He rang back a while ago but I was back at work by then so couldn't really speak. Reckons he was with his brother all evening but I've got such a bad feeling about it all again.

[nsd_user663_1704]

Hehehehe Good for you choco

Bobbit'd ROFL

[nsd_user663_2176]

Just to get things slightly back on topic! Am determined that whatever happens this evening I won't be smoking. Tomorrow is going to be day 16, certainly not day 1. So any good luck vibes you can all send would be muchly appreciated!!

[nsd_user663_1789]

Hey, hope you stayed strong and are feeling good today.

Hope you've kicked the bf into touch!!