Hello everyone! I'm getting pretty excited about this transplant! My labs are looking pretty good, besides the hematocrit and hemoglobin. I'll be going in this next week to do a procrit shot and iron I.V. to boost my numbers so I can stay on track, but otherwise I just need to keep doing what I'm doing.
Recently I have been having severe anxiety and depression- to the point where I was having an anxiety attack almost every night like clockwork. It got so bad that it manifested itself as pain and exasperated my usual symptoms. With this going on, I was a wreck and couldn't function. Nothing got done and I was neglecting my diet and exercise routine, which made everything worse of course. I had decided, with the support of my transplant and PD team to go on the anxiety medication Hydroxyzine, which I have taken before for sleep. However, my PCP never told me that it would temporarily make my depression terrible, so I ended up with suicidal thoughts since it hit me like a wall. NOTE: I went down the right avenues and I am in counseling. Everyone knows about what happened and it is an isolated event. I know that if I had known in advance that this was possible, I would have been able to prepare for it and use my tools, but it came on so fast it took a lot longer for me to get out of it and thus spiraled into the rabbit hole. I did not harm myself and utilized the crisis line, called my boyfriend and cuddled with my cat until I was able to properly use my tools.
Anyhow: now that I've been on this anxiety medication for roughly a week or so now, I'm better able to cope. My depression is a lot better as well, since I'm also regularly taking nortriptyline for my fibromyalgia/migraines and it is also an antidepressant. My depression episode only lasted a few days, and now I have more energy to work on transplant preparation. I plan on packing my bag and beginning the process of deep cleaning this weekend. The holiday was stressful, since I had multiple things going on each day and there was a lot of driving involved. I slept all day the day after Christmas since I was so exhausted. It was worth it though!
Surprisingly, I'm finding the preparation quite therapeutic. It's giving me something to do despite bad weather outside, and I have something to show for it at the end. I know that I wouldn't be here if I wasn't medicated, which is something that I never thought I would say. I have been pretty against myself taking medications for mental health, since I was able to manage it well on my own and I already take plenty of meds. However, I realized that I was neglecting the fact that I needed some extra help right now, and I wasn't doing myself any good in refusing to take something that has so far made coping with the stress of everything going on a little bit more bearable. I'm actually sleeping again, like having restful sleep! I'm also laughing again, and there isn't a constant tightened feeling in my chest. Grant it, the first three or four days absolutely sucked, but now it's great!
I'm also on a plan to only take this until I'm stable after transplant (~6 months), so it isn't a forever thing. Mental health issues are so real, and I'm glad that I decided to take the time to actually address my stress before things got out of hand health-wise. I'm hoping I can keep up this momentum into 2019! Thank you for reading my update/blurb and Happy New Year!
WOULD NEVER ASK SOMEONE TO DONATE A KIDNEY FOR ME! 
Creatinine vs. CystatinC eGFR
Lithium damage, need support
health style choice 
