Help and advice needed please

[Dora86]

I have just found out that I will be having my transplant in the summer but I have realised that mentally I'm struggling to cope with the fact a very close family member is my donar. I know I am lucky to have a living donar but I'm worried how I will feel with someone's kidney,will I be able to ever accept it as mine. I have tried to talk to my donar but they didn't really understand. Everyone around me is happy for me,but unfortunately I am not. Has anyone else felt like this and if so what advice could you give me?

[Hidden]

Congrats on your date with a new kidney. My wife donated her kidney as part of a swap last September. I was a recepient of one of the donated kidneys. Not to discourage you by any means, but it does take a very close family member or someone who is nearly an Angel to donate. Why do I say this? Even though my wife is strong — physically, spiritually, snd mentally—it took her several months to fully recover. I hated to see a strong women suffer as much as she did. Would she do it again? In a heartbeat 💗. I had several offers of a kidney from Good Samaritan type friends. After seeing what my wife went through I could never ask someone unrelated to donate. That’s just me.

What I’m trying to say is it takes a strong person to donate because living donation is “no walk in the park.” It seems like you have this in your very close family member. Cool! Have your transplant, move on, and enjoy your life. Easier said than done. For my wife and myself the actuall surgeries were the easy part — it is the before snd after where the struggles occur.

Have a great summer surgery!

[Bassetmommer NKF Ambassador]

HI Dora,I too struggle with the whole transplant situation. It boils down to a couple of things. One, the person donating values you to the point that they will do what it takes to not see you suffer. It is the ultimate gift. And like any other gift, it is their choice to give. So honor that. The other, and this is the biggie, you have to accept the fact that you are worthy of the gift. Take the time to realize that you also have value and if it means keeping you healthy, then so be it. You will be honoring all the science and advancement in human medicine by participating in this process. Not too long ago, transplant was not an option.

[Hidden]

Hey Dora86, congrats on getting a donor and the ability to have a new chance at life. I myself have never had a live donor both of my transplants have been from deceased donors and trust me when I say that can be even harder to cope with then a live donor because someone lost their life so that you could have a chance at a new one. I know it is not my fault and it is by their or guardians choice they become a donor. Even though you and your wife are going to have a long road to recovery you will know that your donor is still alive and doing well. Their are many that still have trouble coping with having a deceased donor and accepting that kidney or whatever organ it may be as theirs. Take solace that your wife is willing to do this for you and also that you had so many friends ready to jump in for you as well. That truly means that there are many that care about you so deeply that they are ready to give apart of themselves to you so that they can then see you enjoy life and they in turn can enjoy your company as well. Even though your wife can’t understand where you are coming from, maybe talk to your friends or your nephrologist. I know for myself after my transplant I had a lengthy conversation with a nurse and social worker. If you look I am sure you will find people who understand where you are coming from and be willing to help you through it. If you do need someone to talk to even though I have never had a live donor I would be more then happy to talk to you, please don’t hesitate to PM me. Take care and blessings.

[Herkidney]

Congratulations. I can understand how you are feeling. My husband donated a kidney to me a little over two years ago. Believe me, the transplant centers fully educate the donors and the people who ultimately become living donors go through the process because they want to go through the process. Your donor wants you to have this gift, so please accept this generous gift and live your life to the fullest because that is what your donor wants you to do. Enjoy your life because that is the best gift that you can give in return to your donor. Wishing you and your donor the best!

[PPearl]

As others have said, being an organ donor for a loved one is life defining. Your donor has made the decision and if you accept it, you must proceed with a grateful and hopeful heart. There aren't many other opportunities in life to make such a profound difference. It's a honor to give and an honor to receive. I'm 19 years post lung transplant and I'm here to tell you post transplant life can be amazing and may let you begin living "your best life". Wishing you peace and healing.

[Shepip51]

HelloYou are truly blessed to have a family member that’s both medically and willing to donate a kidney. Some of us will wait on transplant lists for years. I can understand what you are expressing, I say find a good support group where you can voice what you are feeling if you can’t talk with family.

Congrats on your up coming transplant.

[Bunkin]

My cousin was my diner and I’ll tell you how I feel. SO GRATEFUL! I can’t thank her enough. I feel like we’re joined together forever!

[Dora86]

Thank you very much for all your kind replies. I appreciate all the kind messaging.