People without OCD
*don't care if someone doesn't like them
*don't overreact when someone scowls at them
*don't feel like they've done something wrong when someone mistreats them
*don't obsess over a minor spat or incident with a rude person
*don't cower when someone is trying to hold them back
*don't fear letting something go unresolved
*Are not afraid to stick up for themselves or fear hurting someone's feelings if they do
Why can't we get to that place?
We're just... wired different. I know it's frustrating, I wish I didn't deal with all of the things you established others, those without OCD, don't- because life might be far less difficult. I don't like the expression much, but these are the cards we were dealt. Do the best you can with your hand.
Maybe if we didn't let triggering circumstances have so much power over our judgement, it would be easier to act in the manner you describe. However, once we start it, it's a battle that we're happy to fight on a regular basis. Every success is an ongoing source of satisfaction and self-esteem.
Some people with OCD may experience this while others with OCD don’t. It is common with people who have low self-esteem. You can get to a place of self-confidence and self-compassion. You are more than good enough.
Sometimes I wonder whether people with scrupulosity OCD suffer from a low self-esteem to begin with, or do they let certain triggers have too much power over their judgment and the only way, in their eyes, to end their disturbing thoughts is to accuse themselves of imaginary crimes, which doesn’t work in the long run and damage their self-esteem. Some kind of vicious cycle. It's why it's often so difficult to persuade them that "they are more than good enough", although it's true what you're saying, they are. Just a thought.
People can feel immensely tormented by OCD obsessions. They don’t want these thoughts that are causing so much doubt and distress related to what they value most, even their own identity. Someone with a theme of harming children for instance, doesn’t want those thoughts because they are ego-dystonic. They don’t want to cause a crime and believe they have to do the compulsions to keep the kids safe. Logic doesn’t work on OCD because there will always be another “what if” and absolute certainty doesn’t exist. The more one does mental and or physical compulsions in an attempt to reduce the distress from the obsessions, the more the doubt grows and the more the OCD grows. They often believe that thoughts are the same as actions. When having an intrusive thought about harming a kid, they often think the thought makes them a bad person even though they haven’t done anything wrong. The more someone spirals with this type of emotional reasoning, it’s understandable that their self-esteem will likely suffer. They may think they actually are a pedophile and deserve punishment.
The majority of people with OCD have at least one other mental health condition. Sometimes OCD is the primary diagnosis, sometimes it isn’t. Low self-esteem is common in most mental health conditions. People can have low self-esteem without having an actual mental health disorder though. Low self-esteem is correlated with cognitive biases or distortions . Catching, checking and changing these can boost one’s self-esteem and confidence. That’s a DBT technique.
Self-compassion is part of values based ERP, ERP supplemented with ACT. Doing ERP while using one’s values as a motivator to take on the OCD no matter what, while treating oneself with the self-compassion that everyone deserves. Yes, that includes people with intrusive thoughts and we all have intrusive thoughts. OCD specialists such as Kym Quinlan, Reid Wilson, Marisa Mazza and Annabella Hagen have some great resources on this.
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