Scrupulosity OCD Advice

[IStillHaveHope]

Hello,

FYI - if you're having trouble with scrupulosity OCD this post may not be for you.

I was hoping someone here might be able to give me some advice on Scrupulosity OCD and how to deal with an issue I'm having. I always have trouble speaking about my various OCD thoughts since it sounds so silly and embarrassing to me when I actually say them out loud.

A few days ago I had a thought that has really bothered me and I'm not sure what to do about it. When my wife and I got married 16 years ago it was a catholic wedding (she is catholic. I am not). One thing that bothered me when we were going over the vows was that there was something about raising our children catholic. I didn't really like that being in there and asked the priest about it since we weren't sure how we were going to raise our kids. It was a long time ago, but I believe he said something like, "Oh that just means to raise them Christian." or something like that. We went ahead and got married with that vow in there. Fast forward to today, and we don't go to church or have had our children (now 10 and 7) baptized or anything. We have talked about it from time to time and always agree that we'd like to go back and that we would like to expose our kids to it but have never really gotten around to it. The thought I had was that I've broken that vow to God and that I'll go to hell because of it. My first OCD topics were Scrupulosity and it makes me feel a bit like I did when I was a kid. Not good.

Now I'm not really sure how to handle this. I have just been "sitting" with the thought these past few days since my compulsion was that, "I need to get them to church this week!" but I have been obsessing over it a lot. I would like to start going back to church but don't want to "feed" the OCD thoughts. I guess I'm looking for some advice on what to do. I haven't told my wife about this yet since she's having a tough week and I don't want to pile on her (also, don't want to look for reassurance or anything).

It has been eating at me and making me scared/sad. If you have any advice on this I would greatly appreciate it.

Thank you.

[LiveOutLove_22]

Hey I think we all know that when we have a fear or anxiety comes to play in our lives. OCD is right there next to it, knocking in our mind saying can we come in. The moment you let those thoughts in the worse it makes you feel. I think that’s great you don’t want to pile on anymore stress for your wife but you guys are partners and if it involves your kids being on the same page is key. I think you can talk to your wife about wanting to take your kids to church and about baptism as well. If church is something important to you and your family I think it’s a great idea to start going to church. But I also would talk to you kids about there perspective too. You could even have a family sit down and talk about it and figure out a game plan in navigating what to do. Anyways I just know obsessing and analyzing it is the worst thing to do. And I’m sure your wife doesn’t want you to mentally suffer through this. I’m sure you and your family will work this out together. Anyways best of luck.

[Natureloverpeace]

Scrupulosity is an OCD issue not a faith issue. Maybe ask yourself if having your kids baptized is feeding your faith or your OCD. Scrupulosity gets in the way of your relationship with God and faith brings you closer. Doing compulsions is worshipping OCD, not God.

Just a side note. I grew up Lutheran and during my childhood the wording of the Lord’s Prayer and the Apostles Creed had some slight wording changes done to them. For instance, part of the Apostles Creed was changed to “I believe in the holy catholic church” which confused Lutherans. We were told that catholic meant universal, not the Catholic religion

[IStillHaveHope in reply to Natureloverpeace]

Thank you for your kind words. I really appreciate them.

I grew up Methodist so there are a lot of similarities to the Lutheran church. I remember being confused with the "holy catholic church" thing as well That is a good point about feeding faith or feeding the OCD. It sometimes gets hard to discern since it can get wrapped up in other things as well. In my heart I know that God is forgiving and that He understands what I'm going through greater than I do. Patience is probably a good move here. I think I'll talk to my wife about returning to church in a bit since I would least like our kids exposed to it and to understand where these traditions come from. However, I want to do it because I want to; not because OCD is telling me to.

[Sallyskins]

I'm not in the least religious, and my parents were also non-believers, although my grandparents took their religion seriously - Methodist, like you, and Congregationalist.

I think that you need to be a bit less hard on yourself. Religion is so often bound up with rituals and such like, and for someone of faith with OCD this can spiral out of control. I think the problem here is that in focusing on the minutiae of observance, some people lose their hold on the moral values that their faith is supposed to uphold. And those moral values shouldn't be bound by rigid dogma, but should be based on one's capacity to reason and to feel for others.

I'm not saying for a minute that you have lost your way morally - quite the opposite - it sounds as though you have a pretty good grasp of that! But OCD can throw a spanner in the works by insisting you adhere to what are often arbitrary rules.

The Catholic church has often stipulated when marrying a couple that any children born of the marriage should be raised as Catholic. This, I think, dates from the start of the Reformation, when the Catholic church was fighting for power with its Protestant competitors and wanted to hold on to its supporters.

But it sounds as though the priest who married you and your wife took a lenient, flexible stance and wasn't trying to coerce you or dictate how you raise your children. He sounds like a sensible man! He could also have been aware that many people marry in church because they enjoy the beauty of the building and the traditional service, rather than out of any deep faith.

I think it might be good to listen to your own thoughts and feelings and decide what is best for you and your family, and discuss this with your wife, and if you feel they are old enough to understand, your children. I don't mean burden them with your OCD or doubts, just ask them if they would like to start going to church, if that's what you want.

It might be a start to talk to a minister of religion. There are ecumenical ministers, who open channels and form connections with other denominations of Christianity, and sometimes other religions, and who are less likely to insist you join their denomination and no other. Avoid doctrinaire or dogmatic or rigid clerics of any denomination!

Try not to beat yourself up - try to listen to what Quakers call your 'inner light'. Remember that your path is yours - and reason and conscience are good guides.

[IStillHaveHope in reply to Sallyskins]

Thank you Sallyskins . I really appreciate your post.

When I was a child I had a lot of scrupulosity OCD since I really didn't have a deep understanding of what religion was. Fortunately, my father didn't believe in the strict dogma and taught us that, if there was a God, He'd have to be more complex than could be described in any book. He grew up Catholic but switched to Methodist since he thought it was too dogmatic.

I've often thought about returning since I enjoyed the community and aesthetic. I'll talk with my family and see what they think.

Again thank you for the reply. I really appreciate it.

[SudoWoodo]

I’m not sure where to start here because there is both a spiritual and OCD component. I think making a vow to raise your kids in church is not wrong and is what would be best for everyone. However, Jesus is merciful in His forgiveness and has grace for everything. Think of the prodigal son parable in the gospels. You are never too far to come home. As far as the baptism goes, that needs to be a choice of your kids once they get to an age where they have understood and accepted Christ as their Savior. That’s what Baptism is, a public profession of your personal faith in Jesus. So I wouldn’t carry the weight of that on yourself because it’s not on you but it is your job as a parent to raise your children how you want them to go “towards Christ”. I think your wife will understand that you want the family to get back in church. Prayers for you.

[Malmo87]

I've had scrupulosity before and it's tough. I read the passage of how God forgives people limitlessly, but that his forgiveness should not be abused. There is the parable when Jesus said that God forgives someone not only once, not twice, or even ten times, but 77 x 7 times! This is not meant to be taken literally as an exact formula, but with my OCD I began to wonder if I exceeded the number of times lol. There was an online lecture by a priest that was ambiguous to me about what the actual rule on forgiveness was, so I kept trying to "figure it out" and ask people what they thought he meant.

In your case, God is not keeping a scoreboard or checklist about how many times you take your children to church. It's fine to expose them to religion if you want, but, like what Natureloverpeace said don't do it to satisfy your ocd. How to tell the difference between an OCD concern and a genuine one? If it sounds like it MIGHT be ocd, it is ocd! OCD mimicks reality, but never the other way around.

[Hidden]

I'm late to this,But it sounds like you're a good person, and I think a lot of people believe that's what God wants.

Hope things are well!