Whenever I try to focus on something, some irrational fears become my obstacles. I mean, when everything's fine and I am finally motivated to sit in quite without any disturbance and do my study for exams, my mind reminds me of something that will bring up a negative emotion.For example, I started studying for my end terms and I remembered I was comitted to a friend to give her some time of mine for tutoring. It's important for her because she must pass this subject with 50% marks or else have to repeat it next semester.
But whenever I make such prior commitments or decide in advance to do something or plan something to do, it becomes a responsibility that I need to get over with and then I kind of procrastinate that.
Now I feel guilty not to respond her and fear if she really do fail the subject it'll be on me.
Ps: I kind of apologized to her and once more comitted to tutor. Because if I wouldn't have then the guilt would have remained, but now that I have, I am worried whether I will show up and that is eating my brain right now when I really should study.
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Okay. Get on to the iocdf website. They have many re sources on there. Also post again asking if anyone knows of online content you can watch and books to recommend. I know there is a good book about help with ocd called Brain lock.
Hi. Are you saying that making a commitment puts more pressure on you to get it done? Like it's forcing you to do it but something is going against your desire to actually do it?
Yeah. I mean when I set a target. My mind constantly reminds me how I am wasting my time if I am doing something else. Then even if I start like just half an hour late, I will feel guilty and then procrastinate. Likewise I'll waste another 1 hrs, then maybe I'll do a little bit but then again I'll take a break for 2-3 hours. The more my mind reminds me I am lagging behind, the more I procrastinate and the more I feel guilty about it.
The worst situation is to feel responsible for something and unable to do anything about it. People with OCD have an inflated sense of responsibility. It’s difficult for them to say no to request for help because they feel responsible if the person asking for help doesn’t get satisfaction. On the other hand, people with OCD often procrastinate because it’s difficult for them to focus on tasks unrelated to their OCD and find time to do something productive. So, they have to learn not to take on too many responsibilities and to carry out, without unnecessary delays, the selected responsibilities they have chosen for themselves or to help others. I know it’s not easy at first because OCD seems to impair decisiveness and indecisiveness is fertile soil for OCD if at the same time one is conscientious.
Yeah, I do feel compelled to help others. But honestly speaking I have a selfish reason behind it as well. I think they'll see me as selfless and will help me in future as well. I understand how it sounds, coz I just said to be selfless is selfish😅. But because of that very reason I don't want my help just to be for namesake, I want it to be meaningful, therefore when someone asks me for something, I kind of imagine their problem as mine and that makes me afraid of what if I don't do it. As soon as I feel afraid,guilty, regretful, then I start procrastinating. I can't start any task with motivation or a positive feeling. It's always one of the three things.
You say: "As soon as I feel afraid, guilty, regretful, then I start procrastinating". So, if I understand correctly, you feel afraid, guilty, regretful instead of doing what you promised to do. Lamenting about what you're not doing instead of living up to your commitment may bring you relief at first, but, in the end, it won't bring you peace of mind. My suggestion would be to make a choice (I know it's difficult when you have OCD, but it's possible with the right methods): either you stop making commitment to others you know you can't keep or you keep up with your commitments in a timely fashion. To beat one's breast instead of making choices could be a compulsion, and ERP is, so far, the best treatment for it. Often mood follows action.
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