real events ocd

[vinnie18121]

Hi, I was just looking for someone to relate to. I feel like a lot of ocd accounts do not line up with my experience. It took me so long to even realize I have ocd because when I had googled it before it didn’t seem to apply. Then I realized I had real events ocd and “pure o” (although I do have compulsions like googling or checking it’s mostly just rumination). Basically I will be living life just fine and then I will be hit with the overwhelming feeling that I have made a Horrible Mistake of some kind. It can be from something tiny like making a mistake in my sewing or ordering too many cupcakes for a party to things that are more difficult to figure out if I am being 100% irrational. It’s always something that has already happened, I don’t get anxious about things beforehand. Having adhd and not thinking things through really doesn’t help me. But I get so overwhelmingly anxious and guilty and am convinced that I’m a bad person/people will hate me/I’m stupid etc and the main thing is worrying about getting in trouble or fired. Then I just cannot stop thinking about it for however long it lasts. The worst one was 3 months straight before I got on medicine that helped. Unfortunately because that med stopped working for my depression I had to change and am now dealing with ocd thoughts again and am trying to get a grip on it again and looking at other options besides medicine too if there’s any resources you have that have helped you. I just started reading freedom from ocd but was having trouble focusing because of ruminating so I decided to try forums. I just feel really alone sometimes and no one in my real life relates.

[Downinil]

Hi vinnie18121! You are not alone here. Were you diagnosed with OCD? I’ve struggled with for decades, basically most of my life. I have found meditation as well as talking to my therapist along with deep breathing helps at least momentarily.

[vinnie18121 in reply to Downinil]

I’ve talked with my therapist and doctor about it but neither of them are ocd experts so I guess I am not officially diagnosed although they agree that it seems to fit more than just GAD which is what I was diagnosed with before. I didn’t know I had it until I within the last year after I went off that med and the symptoms came back. Reading about real events ocd and realizing I checked every box made me have hope and start opening up about it more because I had been hiding symptoms due to shame. But it is hard to deal with again after a few years of no symptoms. My therapist has been using emdr which helps some but my main problem is I always have new triggers popping up for new situations and then I’m back at square one for a while because I become convinced that this is the one that is actually real. I have been looking more into erp but not sure how it would work in my situation.

[Downinil in reply to vinnie18121]

My former therapist told me it’s all about acceptance. She’s right. Once I threw up my hands and said, oh well, it took the power of the thoughts away. The habit of thinking the same is persistent but I just don’t care as much once I accepted that’s the way my mind works.

[Natureloverpeace in reply to vinnie18121]

EMDR works for many people with PTSD but it’s not effective for OCD. Your therapist probably means well but has admitted they don’t know how to treat OCD. A skilled OCD Specialist can team up with you to help you get into long-term recovery. OCD is OCD, the theme itself doesn’t matter when it comes to treatment as the themes or types aren’t diagnoses. Using the themes helps people to open up about their particular symptoms but treatment is custom-fitted to the individual. not a theme. Two people with the same theme can have different factors that go into it so ERP based on a theme probably won’t work long-term. Different themes have overlapping obsessions and compulsions. Regardless of the theme, OCD uses the same playbook and the OCD cycle is the same.

[ollieander]

Hey! Can definitely relate, I oftentimes experience insane levels of anxiety and guilt over the tiniest mistakes, or even what could be perceived as a mistake. You’re not alone. Challenging these thoughts and deconstructing them can help to get through them, but I know it’s really hard. If you ever want to talk, I’m here. Hope things get better.

[deValentin]

I understand how you feel. When you look back at your past actions, the possibility you made a 'Horrible Mistake' pops into your mind, and that possibility is so disturbing that you can't focus on anything else.

The solution I found to that problem was to examine all my options. I could spend my entire life trying to eliminate all possibilities of future mistakes or dwelling on all possibilities of past mistakes, and not be further ahead than I am today. Or I could try to make the best decisions possible within a reasonable time frame given my present situation. The second option is more difficult at first, but more rewarding in the long term. It involves a certain degree of risks, but I find that if I feel reasonably well about the way my life is going, the possibility of making mistakes or having made mistakes is not as disturbing.

[Natureloverpeace]

You are not alone, the OCD themes that you referred to are common ones. ERP with an OCD Specialist, who has the specific and appropriate training to treat OCD, has the most research to back up its efficacy. There are therapists who are well-meaning and claim they can treat OCD but they don’t have the skills to do so. You mentioned the book Freedom from OCD but mentioned having problems concentrating on it. Livestreams and videos may be easier to focus on. The IOCDF does a Community Conversations livestream on most Tuesdays. It’s on several platforms including YouTube and Facebook. It is led by a National Advocate who adds in a sense of humor to his livestreams. They also do Ask the Expert livestreams and Lunch and Learn livestreams on Wednesdays. These are led by two OCD Specialists. You can find out more by going to iocdf.org , click on Support, then click on Livestreams.

There is also the OCD Stories hosted by Ralph Stuart on platforms that carry podcasts. Jon Grayson, Patrick McGrath and Nathan Peterson are OCD Specialists who also have videos on various platforms such as YouTube.

[Spud-u-Like1982]

Hi vinnie18121,I'm hearing you, as a fellow OCD, ADHD and depression sufferer, I can certainly relate to what you're saying and you are most definitely not alone - ALWAYS remember that one!

I was sacked from my job over a year ago, as I was off sick with anxiety caused by a bullying/micromanaging manager who knew about my OCD and depression, but she didn't care, as she didn't like me and wanted me gone. I struggle with my recently diagnosed ADHD and finding it clashes with my OCD. I've been told I also show autistic 'quirks', so that'll be getting investigated too.

Life sucks. My 7 year relationship broke down and I've to move out, as she can't cope with me anymore. I can only move back in with my Parents, as I can't afford somewhere on my own. My friends all suck and don't care about me and I'm an only child, so I really have no one. I just pass the time ruminating and dwelling on past mistakes.

It sometimes feels like I'm trapped in my own private purgatory from which there is no escape.

I know there are people much worse off than me, but when you spend so much time in your own mind analysing and questioning past mistakes or things you've said, it's truly torturous. I need to try and get another job, but my brain is just not in the game yet for that.

[Mcfly64]

Self compassion. You are a good person and definitely not alone. Many of us can relate. Never give up 🙏