tortured

[Ladybug24]

my ocd keeps telling me I don’t live my daughter, and I don’t care if she goes hungry or has cloths or shoes. I am currently homeless and my thought keep telling I like being homeless, I like being poor, it has gotten so bad I stuck a gun in my mouth and tried to pull the trigger but couldn’t. Now at times the fear comes over me and I just shake uncontrollably. I know I have to find a way to make it on my own but I’m terrified

[LuvSun]

Hi Ladybug24! I noticed you just joined this forum. Please know that you have many caring people on here that can offer you support. Please reach out wherever you can to get help. You are not alone 😊

[Ladybug24 in reply to LuvSun]

Thank you so much but I feel alone

[God-is-love3]

Do not give up hope because God will not give up on you. Try to find a Bible and read the words of Jesus and the apostles. He is the evidence of Gods love for us.

And of course you love your daughter. She is a gift of God to you. All of us parents have the big responsibility of being their caretakers and teachers, but ultimately they are Gods children and we must do our best.

I pray you gain strength in the Lord and overcome these thoughts. In Jesus name, amen.

[Sallyskins]

Get rid of the gun, for a start! Or at least put it away safely, under lock and key, and make the key difficult to get hold of.

There's no reason to doubt your love for your daughter. This is OCD at its most typical, attacking you just where something matters most to you - in this case, your daughter. If anything, it's proof that your daughter matters more to you than just about anything.

For lots of people with OCD, the OCD focuses on what it most important to them, and tries to tell them that they don't care about their partner, their children, their dog etc. But OCD is a liar - it has been called a manipulative bully, with good reason. And OCD likes to make out that it's your friend, all the while dripping poison into your ear.

Moreover, OCD likes to take advantage of any difficulty in your life - particularly if it involves uncertainty. Not having somewhere you can call home is a major stress, and makes it difficult to settle mentally as well as physically.

No one really likes being poor or homeless. And this is OCD telling you lies again. I'm not in the States, and I know that being homeless anywhere is not much fun, but there are agencies and charities that can help you with accommodation, legal help and support. Get in touch with one of them. Getting settled - and perhaps with a job, or with welfare you can manage on - isn't the complete answer, but it's a start.

Then get some sort of treatment for the OCD - again, I know this is often difficult in the States, if you don't have money or insurance, but there are reputable online resources with information and tips on how to deal with it.

Or get a self help book - they can be had quite cheaply second hand if you can't afford new. I always suggest Overcoming Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and The OCD Workbook as they have helped me, but there are others. For intrusive thoughts, such as the ones you've been having, try Overcoming Unwanted Intrusive Thoughts by Sally M Winston and Martin N Self.

Just making a start on your recovery can give you a boost. And remember that there are plenty of people on the forum who know how it feels, and who can give support.

[Ladybug24 in reply to Sallyskins]

Thank you so much.

[Hidden]

i too have been having intrusive thoughts about my child. Please know you are not alone. No matter what ocd tries to tell you know that it’s not true. Your daughter loves you more than anyone else in the world