How to get past people who are unhelpful ... - My OCD Community

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How to get past people who are unhelpful in your recovery


I have this problems of not having the strength to keep my decision private and not tell my dad and step mum about my therapy. lf. I feel like I have to keep telling my dad before doing anything, it’s because he is very controlling too. But my other siblings just do what they want without obsessing. My dad and stepmother interfere in me getting therapy and although now they don’t stop me after arguments I fear that if the therapy does not work they will just say I told you so and that repeats in my mind constantly. I don’t see how I would benefit from therapy even if it started, because in the past I have stopped it after my step mum keeps making unhelpful comment that undermine my confidence and belief that I can recover from this condition.

I know the problem is my stepmother but how do I get past that and find ways to finally get therapy, follow through with it and ignore her. I guess it’s very important to have supportive people that encourage you rather than just being negative.

12 Replies

Do...prove them wrong and work this therapy! I am sick of being sick. I WILL make this work for me!

Thanks for replying, I live in England and it is just a few days ago I discovered the international OCD foundation.

I want to prove them wrong. Hopefully one day I will no matter how long it takes. At the moment my concentration is so poor I would not be able to engage in therapy, so I will have to do it on my own pace. I also have bipolar disorder so it makes things more difficult.

Their unhelpful attitude is stuck in my mind and almost has the effect of an energy stopping me which I would say is physical form of anxiety.

I wonder if anyone understands this feeling?

I feel like my attention span is horrible anyways...but stress and anxiety are serious triggers.

So...I smoke weed all day. 30 bowls. Constant. This allows me to focus but ....problematic too.

You are already proving them wrong by not allowing their mental disabilities to exacerbate yours! Snap!

You are right they mentally not right themselves but she it look like I’m the problem. Actually they often bully me and that makes my bipolar and ocd worse. Controlling parents I feel makes my ocd worse. I got so Unwell couple of days ago I nearly felt the need to be hospitalised.

Stay easy breezy in conversation with them and through you healthy new outlook at them. Be adult. Be concise. Be confident.

You are going to feel back to yourself/normal whether they want you to or not!

They can support or move on!

I was given anti depressant at the age of 13 which lead to serious reaction and since then my brain has not been able to go back to It’s normal self. I find my ocd affects my poor attention span and memory, constantly doing the rituals and forgetting to remember whether I checked the door..or during reading whether I read that sentence without missing out anything important. The anxiety takes over completely and my mind is not able take anything in.

I don’t know how ERP could help with that as it’s physiological.

Have you had any treatment like therapy medication if so did it help?

I am constantly thinking my food is contaminated. By larva specifically. So. Now. I look. Instead of just throwing stuff away. I took the power back. Usually there are not any bugs.....or larva. But IF i find one, great. I caught it. I confront my issue now.

i need to be more empowered. My ocd comes in different forms. Like at the moment it’s around intrusive sexual thoughts about family members and I feel at the moment the thoughts are affecting me more because of my dad and what happened. I don’t know what his intentions were when he came into my room one night few times 9 years ago. He checks up me usually but that night was weird.

I would urge you to not wait until anything is better. Go now...if you find a real OCD therapist, they will find out through you all of your issues, and work at YOUR pace. Don't put it off....start healing now.

It's hard for us at times to get past looking for approval from others, or thinking that we cannot trust our own decisions. I went through that for a long time.....if someone didn't seem to like what I said, I would say something different so that it was agreeable to them. It was just so important that people like me, or that I just couldn't trust that my decision was right.

Also, from what you have said, it appears you may be seeking reassurance from your father quite a bit. I went also through that with my husband....the more I had intrusive thoughts, the more I felt I HAD to "confess" these to him out loud for reassurance that it wasn't anything horrible. Also I felt like my decision couldn't be trusted....but if he gave me his decision, I would do what he said because he knew best. I then experienced that relief that comes with reassurance.....UNTIL THE NEXT TIME.

what I found out is the more I seeked his reassurance, the more intrusive thoughts I had. I thought if I didn't tell him (and many of these thoughts were simply outrageous and embarrassing) I couldn't be at peace with got worse and worse and worse.....I thought I was absolutely losing my mind!!!

I urge you to please get the counseling you know you need. There are people (most) that do not understand OCD so they will not get it....we have to realize that. You do what you know you need. And PLEASE get therapy from an OCD special therapist.... if you do not, your time could be wasted....I found this out the hard way. However, don't beat yourself up if the first counselor is not helping, or doesn't understand....find someone else. It's OK.... everyone is different and you must feel that the person you are seeing gets you.

Thanks for your response.

My dad is very controlling and is telling me not to stop the counsellor that I’m currently speaking to even though i have realised she can’t help me any further as she’s not a Specialist.

I’ve also seen quite few therapists in the past and only one was a specialist but again my controlling dad along with step mum will make it out like OCD specialist therapy is too expensive.

Im worried that if it does not work I will be wasting money and I can’t have therapy for months and months as I’m not working. and because of what my family have said I feel during each session I will be thinking what if this does not work!what if it does not work! And then when it does not work which I kind I feel won’t. then my dad will say I told you you don’t listen to me. They will really make an issue out of it. At one point my OCD was so bad it was dangerous I was lifting pans whilst cooking and not being able to get out of the bathroom for hour on end..That cruel woman still makes an issue and my dad who is a psychiatrist who spends money on other things and on my step mum , she seem to control him and my life too.

My older sister has gotten involved so I’m glad I’m getting some support from her. She also mentioned she is going to help me find a psychologist.

Wow.....I can see that this is a tricky thing.

On the International OCD foundation website there is a page for "find help". You can put in your location information and it will tell you who is a therapist in your area that treats OCD. I don't know that and OCD therapist is any more expensive than another therapist... but you can definitely call one and ask.

Would your dad be open to talking to someone about your OCD? Maybe if he learned more about it (maybe he already knows?), he would understand how important it is to seek this help. An OCD therapist will probably work with you on ERP (Exposure Response Prevention) which I understand is the leading therapy for us. If I would have known about this years and years ago, I would have had a better life sooner.

Also, Ethan Allen who is a person in the foundation has timely webinars (which are live and you can actual write questions while it's going on) about OCD. They are saved on youtube and you can watch them whenever you like. He has guest therapists and psychiatrists on that are wonderful!!! The discussions are great and you learn so much from other people's questions and from the discussion. Ethan has OCD himself and they really are knowledgeable. Private message me and I'll show you more about the youtube thing. These webinars can also help your dad to understand more about it. Sometimes an objective person has more influence.

Another thought is to talk with your current honest and kind.... talk with them about your worries and concerns about your dad and step-mom, and your desire to talk to someone specializing in OCD. Hopefully he/she will be kind enough to understand and may even be able to assist you talking with your dad about it. May I ask your age?

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