Low Risk Contamination Causing Problems

[Sydney45]

I used to have a lot of ocd symptoms, but I don’t have near as many anymore. However, sometimes when they come up, they can be embarrassing and cause problems. I struggle to figure out sometimes what are OCD thoughts and what should be actual concerns. I know the idea is that we’re supposed to get to a point where we’re okay with living in the unknown, but it’s hard when there could be ramifications on others, even if I know the risk is small.

I just sent a rambling text to someone telling her to throw away a package of gifts from our office for her new baby and had some stuff sent electronically or delivered directly to her house. The reason for this was a rabbit trail. I basically was worried that there was i possibility that I could have hepatitis from being exposed to blood from my Dad. I don’t know that he has it, but he had to spend a night in jail recently, and he had a bunch of open wounds on his feet because of neuropathy. So I was potentially exposed in July. The reason I thought the gift could have been contaminated was that I cut my finger on wrapping paper, however it didn’t look like it broke the skin. I got tested before I sent the package and felt pretty good about it as antibodies are usually detectable in the time period since I was exposed. However, I guess it is possible for some infections not to show up until later. I thought I was being ridiculous and sent the package as others in the office contributed to the gift. But I felt worse when I found out I had been exposed to the flu and told her she may want to wait for a couple of days if she was worried about surface contamination. She thanked me profusely as she has an immunocomprimised family member in her house. I think she has some anxiety issues of her own, which makes it worse. I feel like I’ve made her more anxious by sending the text. Our office works closely with her on a contract, and if she’s upset, it could have ramifications at work for several people in my office.

I don’t know if I should be mad at myself for sending the text or if I should be mad for sending the package with any kind of doubt. Since other people contributed to the gift, I didn’t want to hold onto it for another couple of months. I don’t know why simple things have to be so complicated and I don’t know why I do stupid things like not wearing blood when around gloves.

I don’t know that I have a question per se. I know others deal with stuff like this. It makes me feel better talking about it I guess.

[Sallyskins]

If - if - if - there are an awful lot of ifs here! Hepatitis isn't that easy to contract, and unless you have sex with someone who has it, share needles with someone who has it, or have the blood of someone who has it put directly into your own open wound it is highly unlikely that you have it. This doesn't sound like the case here! And in addition, you got tested.

The Coronavirus pandemic has made us all a little more wary of disease transmission. But as I said, hepatitis isn't virulently contagious or infectious.

It makes sense to take precautions, such as wearing latex gloves when directly treating someone else's open wound and observing basic hygiene. If there are real concerns about your dad and his health, perhaps suggest he get tested - but for his own sake, not because you are worried about the parcel you sent.

As for posting this because it makes you feel better to put it into words - absolutely right! Often articulating distressing experiences, putting them into words, helps us to process them. Louise DeSalvo's book Writing as a Way of Healing is worth a read, and Daniel Goleman's Emotional Intelligence also touches on it.

[Sydney45 in reply to Sallyskins]

Thank you for your reply! I would normally wear gloves, but I had a moment of thinking it would hurt his feelings. Sometimes he thinks i’m paranoid about things. However, this wasn’t the case as he told me to put on the gloves. The problem I have is that I’m not always careful about things and then I worry about it later. I’m probably not alone on this.

[mmmmww]

Very sorry, I have had a little chuckle at your wording blooper in your post "not wearing blood when around gloves"I am not taking the Mickey out of you, and I too have contamination OCD (I likely would have gone through the same thought processes as you) but that little wording mix up really made giggle (we have to laugh at the silly things we do, lighten the mood a bit) hope you can also see the funny side 😉

I agree with Sally that such viruses are not easily contracted and would need to be directly inserted into your blood system.

Other viruses, like flu and COVID only survive on surfaces for a couple of days. I believe 72 hours of quarantine for items that have such viruses on, if you are that concerned.

If the gift you sent is washable, just tell your friend to pop it in the washing machine. (This will be giving into your OCD and her anxieties, but with a new baby and an immunocompromised person in the household, it is sometimes necessary to clean things, so a quick wash may not be so bad)

[Sydney45 in reply to mmmmww]

Thanks for your reply and advice! Yikes, that is a bad blooper, but yes, I can see the humor in it. 😊 I wrote this really quickly on my phone, ridden with anxiety. I think I proofed it quickly, but obviously too quickly, lol.

[mmmmww in reply to Sydney45]

Glad you can see the funny side 😁

[MothFir]

When I get stuck and honestly can't tell if my contamination fears have any basis in reality, I explain the situation to someone who not only can make responsible decisions regarding other people's health but also understands that I have OCD (usually my poor wife). I suppose this is not ideal and can easily turn to reassurance seeking, but I try to limit my questions to situations that are genuinely different and not the same thing I have asked about a hundred times before. Sometimes my OCD muddles the issue so much that I just need input from a healthy brain.

[Sydney45]

She did reply later that day after I posted this. She was really nice. Unfortunately I said stuff I didn’t need to in my reply, mentioned anxiety issues, and something along the lines that I was worried because I’d heard her talk about an immunocompromised family member. She replied and gave more details and said she was sorry they were causing me to worry. I said there was no need to apologize and that I didn’t mean it that way. So I think it came across that I was blaming her for mentioning her family and triggering my anxiety. I even mentioned OCD, which wasn’t necessary. I’m beating myself up about saying more than needed.

Yesterday I texted her to tell her that one of the replacement gifts had been delivered. I wanted to make sure she knew it was something that was supposed to go to her since it was shipped directly from the manufacturer and they likely stuffed the package in her mailbox because that’s how the original one was shipped to me. I think she may be mad at me because, even though she’s really busy, she normally would have said thanks or something to a message like that. I’m trying not to overthink it, and I realize there could be many reasons why she didn’t respond that have nothing to do with me.

Of course now I’m catastrophizing and wondering if I need to find another job. We would have to work together when she comes back from maternity leave. I don’t want this issue to have a negative effect on our working relationship or the work that needs to be done. I wish I wouldn’t have said so much and made things worse.

[MothFir in reply to Sydney45]

I think the best thing you can do here is to try to move on from this episode and resist the urge to ruminate on it as much as possible. Since you dealt with the "contamination" and "warned" the recipient, it seems your OCD has shifted to wondering whether you've severely offended her, and it's piling on shame about how you handled the previous OCD "crisis." It's still the same OCD.

Most everyone on this forum has likely had experiences where one compulsion leads to a new cause for anxiety and they find themselves wishing they hadn't "made things worse." You're not alone on that. I can think of many instances where I have warned people of "contamination" or apologized for causing "offense" or whatever, and looking back it all seems unnecessary and embarrassing. As far as I can tell, none of these episodes have caused any significant damage to my relationships, even if people have thought I was a bit weird at times. (No big deal there; they would likely think that anyway.)

Whether you get a reply to your text or not, I think you should move on for now and not bring up this episode with your coworker. Let things be "normal" for awhile and at some point in the future, when she returns and if you think it is helpful, you can apologize to her for letting your anxiety get the best of you in this situation. Don't make a big deal out of it; just let her know that you recognize you got carried away and may have made her uncomfortable. Of course it is possible (likely?) that she will treat you as if the incident never happened and you may want to just drop it completely.

I suppose some of this advice is reassurance, but it really does seem that you are just suffering from an ongoing OCD episode that's causing you to get worked up about a situation that no one else seems to be very worked up about. Try to treat the anxiety as OCD and not any of the threats that it's trying to masquerade as.

[Sydney45 in reply to MothFir]

I somehow accidentally FaceTimed her from my work cell. I hung up but feel really dumb. I think I had put my phone in my purse with the home screen showing. Then I hear a noise and it’s my phone face timing. Not sure what happened. I probably look really weird now. 🤦‍♀️

[MothFir in reply to Sydney45]

I sympathize with you! Lots of personal interactions spiral so far away from what we intend it is almost comical, except when we're living it. Technology only makes it worse. (One example that comes to mind - when my father was in hospice last year I started a group text to keep his friends updated on his condition, and one of his neighbors responded to a fairly grim message with a laughing emoji, days after it was sent. The neighbor is elderly and not too tech-savvy and I figure he didn't even know he did it, but I bet he'd be mortified if he did.) I try not to read too much into other people's actions if there's room for doubt.

I think worrying about saying something wrong or that people are mad at you is definitely OCD. I went through a period like that myself, almost to the point that I hated talking to people because I knew I'd replay the conversation in my head later and find something to obsess about. I only had this theme for a year or two but it had all the characteristics of my other OCD experiences. It's good to think before you speak and try to make yourself understood, but after a certain point it's OCD.

[Sydney45]

Thank you! This is very helpful! I don’t plan on reaching out again unless she does until she comes back. I’ve thought about if I would apologize or just let it go. She probably won’t be back for another month or so. I guess I’ll see how I feel about it then. Yes, when my OCD flares up, it can go from one thing to another. Even though I don’t struggle with OCD symptoms near as much now as I have in the past, worrying about having said something wrong/thinking people are mad at me is an ongoing issue. I don’t know if this is OCD, some other anxiety, or just my personality. I do try to sit with the anxiety sometimes and not try to reach out to try to subtly get assurance. But other times I do. Anyway, thanks again!