I need some clarity on this if anyone has faced it

[Starla7811]

Trigger Warning: related to SA

I have had a problem with daydreaming for as long as I remember. It hampers every task I do And causes me a lot of guilt and mental conflict and stress. But most of my daydreams have a similar theme getting into a good living relationship. Most of my personal relationships are toxic or abusive including the ones with family. But there is one day dream out of pattern. Coincidentally this daydreaming resonated with my OCD theme. I have spoken to a therapist about OCD but not the daydreaming part. It relates to sexual abuse. Specifically me being abused and someone comforting me. I have never been severely abused as far as I remember. Except the occasional stalking and feeling creeped out around some invasive people. But I want to stop this and I am not able to understand why my daydreams persistently have this in them. And this does go along with my OCD theme. I need clarity on this. Has anyone faced anything like this before. I have a fear of animals to the point I divert paths if I see one. I didn't knew why I had it until my family told me my father hit me when I was 5 when a dog attacked me and I reacted. I have no memory of this. All of this seems like a big mess. Has anyone ever been through something like this.

[IStillHaveHope]

Hello. I haven't had this specific issue but if you're concerned about it, it wouldn't hurt to ask your therapist about it. I wonder if it could be just a way OCD is trying to get into your life. It sounds like you may be ruminating about the thoughts. "Trying to figure it out" is a hallmark of OCD. We feel like if we can just "figure it out" we'll feel better. This isn't the case though and some other thought will just take it's place. That's been my experience at least. We need to learn to "be" with the thought. Not avoiding, judging, or ruminating on it. It doesn't necessarily need to mean anything.

I don't know if that helps, but I hope you find peace with what you're dealing with. God bless.

[Starla7811 in reply to IStillHaveHope]

Thank you for answering me. You are right this has happened several times that one thought has replaced the other. And somewhere I am trying to figure out the why. I will talk to my therapist about it.

[Hidden]

I suspect that the purpose of your being abused in your daydream is to make you be innocent. Maybe you have to be an"innocent victim" to be worthy of being comforted. I had daydreams starting at age 7 where mean kids pushed me off the roof of the school and my teacher picked me up and wrapped me in a blanket and carried me up the stairs. You don't want to be hurt, you want to be comforted. These daydreams are a way of comforting yourself. You must need comforting! Be kind & gentle with yourself. ❤️

[Starla7811 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for answering me. What you said seems to explain it all perfectly. It's comforting to know I am not the only one with such daydreams.

[Hidden]

Glad this was helpful, Starla. I never met anyone else with these types of daydreams either, so this was also comforting to me. 😀