Advice needed: OCD impact on interpersonal relationships

[Blackbanana]

Hello everyone,

I received such impactful encouragement and empathy on my first post that I’m hoping to get some support for one of my most crushing symptoms of my ocd, and that is the effect it has on my relationships.

My partner is very supportive, they have adopted some sanitation habits that are within reason such as remembering to sanitize after pumping gas, disinfecting their phone, etc. just to make me feel less alone and more comfortable.

However, my familial relationships are really suffering. My sister has a young son and daughter, and because they’re in daycare/school, they are often sick. Being around sick people is my biggest trigger. When they leave I have my worst compulsions: using Clorox wipes on my skin, putting soap up my nose, and excessive hand-washing. While they’re here, I try to keep physical distance.

Today, they came to my house for dinner, despite my sister and both kids being very sick with a cold. This made me very uncomfortable, and my sister had already told me she wouldn’t bring them over sick anymore the last time we discussed my OCD. However, she cornered me in the bathroom and told me that it upsets her when I “isolate” and “distance” myself from her when she’s sick. I explained it’s not anything to do with the person, but germs make me very uncomfortable. She then told me my OCD was going to negatively impact my relationship with my niece and nephew, as it already was doing to ours. I broke down and told her that I didn’t know how to have a disorder in a way that didn’t inconvenience/upset her.

I’m at a loss. The kids are always sick, and if I don’t see them any time they’re sick, I’d hardly ever. But I always look like the bad guy for keeping my physical distance and leaving so many times to wash my hands etc. My parents are also upset with me for letting my OCD affect my relationships so much, even though my mom also has OCD (but does not experience as many/as intense triggers as me). She says I have to stop letting it run my life, but she doesn’t understand that just because we have the same disorder, doesn’t mean I can’t have it differently than she does. She expects me to be okay with the things she is okay with, but it’s harder for me than her.

This has become very isolating for me; I am a family-oriented person through and through. But they are always sick and it’s very hard for me to be around them. I can’t make them respect my boundaries, and if I try, it causes them to be upset with me. I can’t make them be understanding either. So I don’t know what to do.

Anyone have experience with this?

[wishingonastar1]

My guess is that you still live with your parents so that makes it extremely hard for you to avoid/stop your sister from coming over.

I know I shouldn’t say this but I suffer from contamination OCD so I would probably act the same way as you are (I am so sick of my excessive hand washing).

I know family members are told to stop accomodating OCD because it doesn’t help the person with OCD but I actually think it’s quite selfish of your sister to make you feel guilty - you didn’t ask for OCD.

I don’t have much advice but please don’t be too hard on yourself. You’re doing the best you can.

[Blackbanana in reply to wishingonastar1]

Thank you ❤️

[Truename12]

Something that really helped me was realizing that in our society, we often work on partial knowledge. For instance, there are more helpful bacteria than bad bacteria in the world. We can actually make ourselves sicker by trying to keep too clean an environment, if you can believe it!

biologywise.com/helpful-bac...

[Bentleywins]

My OCD is not very common. I was constanly dwelling on my health situation, and had a fear that I am going to die. However 2 years later even though I got Divorced, and had therapy as well as read about OCD, I slowly realized that I can not let it control me. So Do review about what is going on with your life, and do not isolate yourself. Expose your self to what you fear, but start believing that your fear will pass.