Introduction

[sealonging]

Hello, this is my introduction. I've had OCD since 2016, or at least I've had severe symptoms of it that I can recognize as such since then. Before that I don't think I ever experienced anything like what's happening now. It started in the wake of a relationship trauma, when my wife almost left me, but then decided to work through things.

My OCD is what I guess is called pure obsessional OCD. I don't have any outer compulsions, just inner ones — checking my thoughts and feelings, worrying whether I'm just repressing things about myself. Rationally, I know these are OCD thoughts and not real issues I need to deal with, but that doesn't stop the anxiety, worry, stress, and exhaustion that come from the thoughts and fears. I suffer from TOCD, HOCD, and ROCD. Of these three, TOCD has been the biggest one in the past, although for the past year or two it's much more under control. HOCD is the smallest one. That only cropped up at the very first, and while it does come up every once in a while, it's very seldom. For the past couple of years, ROCD has been the biggest challenge.

I've been on Fluvoxamine for a couple years now and that has helped extremely well. It doesn't always stop intrusive thoughts, but it has helped me to deal with them and not obsess over them when they arise. However, recently I've gone off that medication (which I've explained in another post) and I'm trying to get back on. Because of that gap, the symptoms are flaring up again in a way that's kind of scary especially since I haven't dealt with them at this level for such a long time.

Anyway, that's my introduction. Other than that, I love writing, reading, traveling, and photography.

[MothFir]

Have you tried ERP therapy for OCD? It's generally considered the most effective treatment and has helped me greatly. Medication takes the edge off but it never did the job on its own, at least in my case.

This therapist (drmichaeljgreenberg.com/) puts a lot of emphasis on stopping rumination, which is essentially the compulsion of "pure obsessional" OCD. You might read some of his articles. He's also been on The OCD Stories podcast a few times.

I have external compulsions (checking, washing) but rumination has always been a big problem for me. For a long time I didn't realize how much it fueled my OCD and how important it is to stop doing it if the "intrusive thoughts" are ever going to become irrelevant. It's not possible to directly stop the initial intrusive thoughts ("What if X is true?" or whatever), but it is possible to refrain from engaging with them and trying to figure them out. That will eventually starve the OCD and lessen the frequency of intrusive thoughts.

Also, welcome to the forum. I enjoy reading, writing, travel, and photography as well!

[sealonging in reply to MothFir]

I haven't tried ERP. I have been to therapy in the past but it's not something I can afford to do regularly. Is it something you can learn how to do on your own, or is a therapist necessary to help guide you through it?

[MothFir in reply to sealonging]

I think a therapist could help anyone do ERP more efficiently and may be necessary in many cases. However in my opinion a person doing ERP on their own will be in a lot better shape than someone not doing ERP at all. For years I only fed my OCD by handling my intrusive thoughts in exactly the opposite way that I should have. My therapist has helped me do ERP systematically and with accountability, but I have also gotten tremendous help from my own reading, listening to podcasts, etc.

There are a lot of self-help resources (workbooks, websites, videos, etc) that can get you moving in the right direction. If you get stuck, perhaps seeing a therapist a few times would be all you'd need. There are also apps and online therapists for people who can't afford one in-person. I don't know much about these services but maybe someone else here can offer some feedback.

[sealonging in reply to MothFir]

Thanks, I will definitely be looking into it. It does look promising. Probably won't be before the end of this week with all the holidays coming up, but I'll do some research as soon as I get some free time! Thanks again!

[JimmyRussell]

I am in the same boat. In July my OCD came back wild. Worse than ever. Mine’s a long story.