Confession management?

[SerenaL8r]

Hi everyone, just asking for some techniques, or advice - or even stories, on how you all cope with not confessing every little thing to someone.

Mine (28F) is my significant other (28 M) and lately, I've felt the need to confess every little past mistake, whether I've done something or have thought something - even when these things don't have anything to do with our relationship at all. (Feel free to read my previous posts)

What are some stories, or techniques you've used to *not* confess something to your loved ones? Especially something that doesn't even nor would - affect the relationship or have anything to do with it?

TLDR: I know confession is an OCD compulsion, it's just so frustrating to deal with and I'm finding myself struggling to not confess past thoughts/things I've done.

[RUtalkingtome]

Confession has context, if you're in a new relationship and you want to come clean about something big, like you did time for armed robbery, or you cheated on your last spouse/BF/GF or whoever, that's different. But you don't have to tell your significant other that you stole $20 out of your dad's wallet when you were 14.

[SerenaL8r in reply to RUtalkingtome]

We've been together about 4-5 years, the wanting to confess thing - is over my previous post, about masturbating (happened 3-4 years ago) I guess I'm just worried that if my S.O were to find out about it, they'd think differently of me, or would shame me/think I'm a pedo in some way. Half of my brain is like "they would literally not care, because YOU (myself) didn't even know how old that person was when you had that thought pop into your mind" and the other half is struggling to just confess on it, to alleviate the anxiety and feel better.

[RUtalkingtome in reply to SerenaL8r]

Do you over-share your insecurities and worries with friends or workmates? If your issue is just worries about your relationship it my not be attributed to OCD; it maybe solely based on what your SO thinks of you, and fear of being kicked to the curb. OCD people deal with confession management with many people in their lives pretty regularly. It's called over-sharing. When we do this we're looking for empathy and to be told everything will be OK, a form of reassurance seaking. As someone with OCD I have never hidden anything from wife, except the OCD early on, and for 40 years now I've been totally candid with my wife when I'm having an episode. But she knows anyway at this point when something is amiss.

[SerenaL8r in reply to RUtalkingtome]

I guess in some way, it's fear of what he'd think of me, or others for that matter. I do tend to over-share my worries and insecurities with my partner or friends, I guess like you said - to gain empathy or reassurance, so I'm thinking I may have a form of confessing OCD as well. It's just debilitating to deal with some days.

[Zen108]

I struggle with this some wherein I can over explain myself. However, I try to save confessing things for my priest. Works best that way for me.

[Mentalhealthdove]

Exposure and response therapy from NOCD online reading books about “ pure ocd” which has manifested in your relationship bc ocd always attacks what we value. I’m also reading a book “the dirty gene” and how a slow or fast COMT and reduced methylation causes anxiety disorders. I have ocd too and currently looking at erp therapy and epigenetics for assistance which is why I did a dna test at selfdecode dna test and determine both of those genes are affected

[TrueBlue23]

I understand where you're coming from. I struggle with this in my relationship. It feels like the easiest thing to do would be just to confess everything to get the monkey off your back, and alleviate the anxiety, but from everything I have read this would be the wrong thing to do as it's just giving in to the compulsion and then your mind will think of something else that you need to confess and then the whole cycle starts again.More than 3 years ago now, I was feeling a bit low and unloved. One night I got up and started browsing porn sites for a bit of escapism. Whilst browsing the Internet I saw an advert for no strings sex and replied to it, whilst caught up in the fantasy of it all. I immediately regretted it and decided if I got a reply I would just explain that I had just caught up in the moment and wasn't interested.

This has stuck with me though, and I feel guilty for it and feel I have cheated on my partner. Part of me thinks this is silly as it wasn't even a real person (I think it was a scam advert) and it wasn't like I had a conversation or swapped pictures or anything ike that. But there is a part of my brain that likes to put that element of doubt in my mind and the belief that I have cheated on my partner and should confess to her. Some days I can rationalise it and it doesn't bother me but other days something will happen that reminds me of it and the anxiety and thoughts of confessing come back.

After getting some good advice on here and reading lots of stuff online I'm fairly confident this is OCD and know that if I confess my brain will just think of something else that I've done wrong and the same compulsion to confess will return.

Hopefully this helps and I know it's very difficult to live with but I believe in time things do get better. It's important not to give in though from what I've read.

Would appreciate any thoughts on this if anyone has had similar experiences.

[SerenaL8r in reply to TrueBlue23]

Definitely very similar in what I'm going through, I've also come to the realization that I may have completely thought of my scenario in my head, and not have even done it to begin with, so I'm wondering if OCD can even warp moments in your mind and trick you into believing you've done something wrong, or have done something you didn't even do. I think you and I (I hope I can speak on your behalf here) may suffer from confession OCD - where we need to confess every little thing we've done/thought wrong. It's debilitating some days, but I've been trying to distract myself and try and change things in my mind. May need to get back on meds in some point (me, not speaking for anyone else) when my insurance kicks in within a week. OCD is such a mental baggage

[TrueBlue23]

I wish you well and am sorry you're struggling with this at the moment. Yes I agree, I think we are both suffering with this confession OCD at the moment. From what I've read it can be common in people who have been brought up quite strictly or religiously, who as a result have a very black and white way of thinking. It's either right or wrong and there's no in-between. I think we treat ourselves very harshly compared to others and need to be kinder to ourselves. When I look back on my life I can think of instances where I've felt the need to confess any sort of wrong doing for fear of not being able to live happily if I don't. It's a kind of mental torture and the realisation that this way of thinking has a name or can be described as OCD is a relief to be honest, as at least I know I'm not the only one struggling with it now.

It isn't a nice place to be in though, so I understand how you're feeling and hope that you get through this with support on here and the other online information that's out there on this subject.

[TrueBlue23]

If you click on the link below you can choose to do a free online course that helps people suffering with this type of OCD:

choosinglovecourse.com/

[RUtalkingtome in reply to TrueBlue23]

TrueBlue23: Do you have a financial interest in the website you reference, where a membership can run as high as $150?

[TrueBlue23 in reply to RUtalkingtome]

No I don't, and I was advising looking at the 'free course' as I thought it might be beneficial. I wouldn't pay the $150 for the course that is being advertised but thought the free one might be some use.My motive for posting this was to help.

It's disappointing that you think it was for financial gain.

[RUtalkingtome in reply to TrueBlue23]

I'm sorry, big time, I'm new here and I just wanted to make sure.

[TrueBlue23 in reply to RUtalkingtome]

That's ok. I appreciate the apology👍 I suffer with the same issues as the person who posted and thought the free course might be beneficial. We're all in the same boat and I've had some good advice given to me on here, so I was just wanting to give something back and help someone who was struggling with similar issues as myself. I hope you find the site helpful and informative and wish you all the best 👍

[RUtalkingtome in reply to TrueBlue23]

Thanks, I've been on a lot of sites before this one, where you get steered to commercial stuff. Suspicion is one of my OCD traits. This site does do my good and I appreciate the folks who keep it running.

[TrueBlue23 in reply to RUtalkingtome]

Yes I agree, it's a very helpful site. Sorry to hear you struggle with that type of OCD and hope that you find this site helpful and discover some useful strategies to cope. Best wishes to you 👍