Frustrated rant

[Ocdwarrior]

I know this group is for OCD. But I just need some place to rant at about a few things I'm going through right now. I hope that's ok. 😬

So recently, I had to put pause on a friendship. Someone I basically used as a mentor. And I miss her. I wanna go back sometimes and just have the unhealthy relationship and not care. I was happier then anyway. I'm tired of missing her, of hurting, and feeling like a faker. I'm pretty sure I'm codependent on her. But I'm afraid I'm wrong. Afraid I'm just trying to get attention, afraid I'm making it all up and I really amnt. I've watched videos and read articles and I can definitely see myself in some of the signs of a codependent. I'm afraid others will think I'm just trying to get attention and don't really need all the help and support I'd like to get.

Also another thing that really frustrates and hurts me is I have a family member who will say once in a while that they think sometimes I don't like my family. I know I've been super grumpy lately, get angry easy, and talk about moving out or when I move out. But I love my family. Today I had a really good self care morning, and I felt pretty good. I have an amazing loving close knit family, but with all I have going on in my life, health issues and stress, I get upset easily. Easily! And I guess I was being a little upset, I was trying not too, but I let myself get a little grumpy. And a certain family member said they think I'm happier when their not there and maybe they should move out. (They weren't serious.) What am I doing wrong??? It hurts when they say things like that. I love them, but I guess when family members are going through a lot it makes more conflict. Yes, I dream about moving out and being on my own, but I LOVE my family. It just frustrates me.

I've been trying to work on good self talk, but sometimes I almost hate myself. 😬 Sorry I'm just letting myself rant. I just feel upset, tired of struggling, of having problems to work through. I just want to go back to my friend. I don't care that she was unhealthy. At least I was happier. 😢😢😢

[3BirdLover]

Have you considered that maybe you are depressed? You might talk to your family doctor about it. When I was severely depressed, I was frowning all the time and never realized it. Now after getting help for my OCD and depression, I'm not doing that. Maybe your feelings of irritation and anger are due to depression and it's showing alot on the outside when on the inside, you really love your family. Just a thought.

[Sallyskins]

It's bound to make you feel sad, breaking off a friendship. But if it was a toxic friendship that did you little good, then try remembering the bad things about it and the problems it caused you and how bad this friend made you feel.

I should be interested to know more about how unhealthy this friendship was, but only if you want to tell me. I know from your previous post that she was somewhat older than you, and your employer, so it wasn't exactly an equal friendship. I'm also intrigued by your saying you wanted a mentor. It's perfectly all right to have a mentor, but remember to keep hold of your own mind!

Other friends are waiting for you to meet them. Any friendship has its ups and downs, but friendships should be mutually supportive.

Being a teenager isn't always easy! Most teens have their tantrums and strops. Remember that your brain as well as your body is altering at a fast rate, and you are negotiating what it means to leave childhood behind and become an adult. That's bound to cause problems! It doesn't mean that you love your family any less.

But it does sound as though you're unhappy. Are there other friendships in your life that are healthier? I remember from your previous post that this ex-friend had a circle of younger people around her. How do they feel about her?

At the moment you're feeling the loss of this friendship. That's bound to happen, and it can dent your self esteem into the bargain. Allow for this, and allow yourself to feel it, to heal and to move on.