Advice on Being Nice

[bibleadventures]

Hi there, this is my first time visiting this website and posting as well, so I am a little nervous. Anyway, as someone who deals with OCD and gets sensory overload multiple times a day, I often find myself snapping on the people I care about and making a rude remark or raising my voice. Even though this is because of stress, I know it isn't fair to take it out on my family. I'm wondering if anyone has any tips on how to calm down in the moment before it's too late and I've hurt somebody's feelings. Thank you.

[Hidden]

Hello! I think it's very brave of you to post to this site so give yourself credit for taking that big step. Way to go in being able to recognize the way you react towards others when dealing with the stress of OCD. As a family member of someone who lives with OCD, I always appreciated it when the family member would voice to me that they're having a bad day with OCD or even after the fact would apologize for lashing out (due to difficulties in fighting OCD compulsions, etc.). Hopefully your family is aware of your OCD but you can always point them to this website so gain more information and empathy towards your situation. Be kind to yourself too! Hang in there

[helloworld22]

Can you look back and see a pattern - any common features of events that lead to this? Then maybe you could formulate some helpful self talk you could practice. If you practice it enough, you might remember to call it up and apply it in the situation.

I’m starting to try to remember to think about the self talk (the messages I tell myself or judgements I pass on myself) and consider whether they are helpful and rational.

[alexandraisobsessed IOCDF Advocate]

Welcome ☺️

I think it's so lovely that you recognize how your OCD affects others and care enough to reach out for help.

In my experience, I get the most overloaded and snappy when I am deep into my rituals or ruminations. I get very frustrated when others interrupt my compulsions because they FEEL so urgent.

What has helped me the most has been:

-Communicating my needs ahead of time

For example, if I know I am going to be in a situation that will spike my OCD I let my husband know ahead of time and we make a plan to tackle it together.

-Communicating before I hit a boiling point

If I find myself becoming overloaded I will tell my family I'm becoming overwhelmed and they know to let me calm down.

-Communicating what is most helpful to me when I'm having an OCD flare

I think these can be different depending on the individual and them, but for me I know that having my rituals interrupted almost always upsets me. So, instead, I have asked my husband to offer support and discuss what I can do to resist the compulsions later.

Looking at all of these, the common link is communication!

We certainly don't want our loved ones offering reassurance (well, we might want it, but we shouldn't get it) and we don't want them enabling us or accommodating our rituals so it may feel like we shouldn't be talking about our OCD much if at all.

However, I feel like it's a lot easier to be kind when we are supported in positive ways which aid us in recovery.

I know I typed a novel here, but I hope some of this is helpful to you!