Fear of being perceived as a “bad person”, cultural appropriation, and Reddit

[G0ldenwr0ught]

So, to my immense regret, I attempted to ask for advice on Reddit before coming here- mostly because I don’t see this issue as OCD specific, but I wonder now if I wasn’t looking for reassurance on a roundabout sort of way. Anyway, they nearly crucified me over there. I feel thoroughly stupid and I will not be using Reddit again any time soon.

Now, on to the dilemma. I have spoken here before about being a musician, and I am sponsored by a small instrument company based on Europe. I post videos using their instruments, they promote me on their pages and occasionally provide me with free gear. I just renewed my partnership with them for another year, and while browsing their website for my next pick, I came across some designs that unsettled me.

A few of the instruments are decorated with engravings featuring Native American designs and imagery, namely a dreamcatcher, a Thunderbird, and a Hopi healing hand. I had heard before that many Native American cultures consider that for-profit use of dreamcatcher designs is appropriation, and after some research on the other two designs, I came to a similar conclusion- that non-natives should not even use these images for decoration, as they are considered sacred.

I agonized over this knowledge for days, effectively ghosting my contact within the company, talking it over with my sister and parents (who either had no advice in my sister’s case, or whose advice was that I didn’t need to do anything about it unless I “felt led”, which was extremely unhelpful as my conscience and my OCD sound remarkably similar most days) before finally sending my contact a message. I stated my concerns, and was thanked for letting them know, and told that the information would be passed along.

That about brings us up to date. I am meant to be choosing my new instrument, but I have been so paralyzed with the fear that if I continue with this company and they choose not to remove the designs or do anything with my concerns, that I will be held complacent, called out, and perceived as a bad person. I did, as previously mentioned, take my concerns to Reddit for advice, which I should have known better than to do. My parents once described Reddit as the “cesspool of the internet”, and I have now only to hope that is true, and that the problem is Reddit, and not me.

One person suggested I drop the sponsorship, and that by doing so, I would be doing the company a favor. This stung a bit- I already have enough imposter syndrome to deal with as it is- but it made me wonder whether I really am crazy for worrying about this. I didn’t think my OCD was involved, but maybe I have blown the whole situation out of proportion after all. A fresh outlook on the situation would be deeply appreciated- though preferably not one as aggressively worded as I might receive on Reddit. :,)

[Sallyskins]

I do appreciate the dilemma that you're in. I'm Canadian by birth (though I've lived in England since I was 11) and I'm cognizant of the appalling treatment of First Nations by European settlers - and the ill treatment and insensitive appropriation of their culture goes on.

Culture is spread and copied and most cultures are a fusion of lots of different influences. And there's nothing wrong with that. The classical Czech composer Antonin Dvorak, for example, used African and Native American melodies in some of his work - but it was done with a real appreciation for the sources he was using. Modern pop and rock music has roots in African and Jewish music - and these influences have been absorbed, often unconsciously, by white and non-Jewish musicians. I could give many other examples.

I don't think that the company that sponsors you is using these images with any intention of causing offence. I think they are just being used as attractive images - the company may have been insensitive, but they simply don't have any understanding of what these symbols mean to the people they belong to.

I don't think that you should give up your sponsorship. It's something that you accepted in good faith, and I think it's important to support small businesses who do a good job. Having made your concerns known to them, I'd leave it at that.

But before taking any further action, perhaps you could take some soundings from First Nations people themselves, if you can. At least you can inform yourself properly about how they feel. They may not give you a clear answer - there are likely to be a range of opinions!

It really isn't necessary to beat yourself up about this. It's good to listen to what your conscience is telling you, and to follow its direction. But it's also possible to be too scrupulous - and people with OCD are often liable to be far too scrupulous!

Just having concerns and expressing them proves you are not a bad person. As for imposter syndrome - that something many of us have, including me!

[G0ldenwr0ught in reply to Sallyskins]

thank you for your comment!! I went to Reddit with the intention of finding indigenous opinions- I posted in a social justice forum and got no response, which led to my posting in an advice forum instead. I only left the post up for a few minutes, as one of the first two responses I received basically implied that my concerns were ridiculous and I would be doing the company a favor by quitting. I felt weird posting in a specifically indigenous subreddit, but I found a Facebook group for both native Americans and allies, so perhaps I should ask for opinions there. I just hope people are a little kinder than they were on Reddit.

[Sallyskins in reply to G0ldenwr0ught]

Social media can, as your parents have said, be a cesspit, but perhaps the FB group will be more measured and understanding in their responses.

I should go ahead and choose your new instrument. Sponsorship is a valuable and worthwhile thing to have, and particularly from a small, or relatively small company. It's not as though you're being asked to commit to the values (or lack of them) of some huge corporation.

Keep dialogue open with the company, don't call them out or blame them. I don't think they mean to cause offence.

One of OCD's many annoying habits is that it follows you around and tries to tell you what to do. It can, as you have pointed out, be hard to make decisions when you have OCD tapping you on the shoulder and issuing orders.

Don't let fears of being thought complacent or bad make your decisions for you. It's clear that you are a good person with an active conscience.

[MothFir]

In between reading your post earlier this morning and having a chance to reply now, I see that Sallyskins has said essentially everything I planned to say. It's good to be aware of these issues and it's especially good that you voiced your concerns. But I don't think the company is doing anything egregious enough to warrant severing your ties to them, even if your OCD makes the issue seem like the most important thing in the universe.

I agree with you that OCD makes advice about "feeling led" pretty useless. Your feelings of guilt over this situation could be caused by your genuine concerns, or by OCD feeding off and grossly exaggerating those concerns, and either way it will feel the same. You can't really trust your feelings. I personally think that by expressing your concerns to the company you have already shown much more empathy and awareness than the vast majority of people would.

[madame-souris]

I think you're right to be concerned and that you've done a very good thing by bringing it up with the company. It's great that you are using your pull with them to hopefully get the designs discontinued. With some luck, they will make a committment to stop producing those designs and the problem will be solved. If they don't...well at that point you can consider your options and choose weather it would be more productive to continue working with them while trying to nudge them in the right direction or if you should discontinue their sponsorship. Either way you might want to make an instagram post about how hard the decision was and why you decided staying/leaving was best. I think it's usually best to be honest and upfront with things like this, but that's just me. Like if I was letting a company use some of my poetry in their ads and I found out they were selling leather or fur, I would definitely tell them that I felt strongly about not using animals that way and that I feel uncomfortable promoting something like that. From there it would be a matter of their response as to whether I'd stick around or pull out. Ideally they would stop selling those items immediately, but I realize that's not always going to happen. They might be more amenable to selling the stock they have on hand, but not producing any more in the future, which seems like a fair compromise. If they said no? Personally, I'd most likely have to pull out. But I know that not everyone feels the same way and that there are other factors involved and there can be grey areas with things like images and symbols, depending on if those items happen to be made by first nations people or the items are made specifically for use by first nations people. I hope I didn't just make things even more convoluted, but I just wanted to say that the concern seems legitimate to me and I thank you for doing your best to help encourage practices that are more respectful and reverent toward others.

[G0ldenwr0ught in reply to madame-souris]

Thank you for your response!! I really hope they decide to discontinue the designs and replace them. That is my best case scenario. I don’t think posting about it will really do anything besides stir the pot and put me in a bad place with the company- as far as I know, I am the only person who has expressed concerns about this. Maybe I’m wrong for avoiding that conflict, but god I hate being involved in drama.

[Carbon21]

I agree with Sallyskins, good response!

[Maverick73]

Reddit is horrible. Also, your concerns about cultural appropriation are valid. I would not use the items. But that's not to say reasonable concerns can't wander into OCD land. I teach multicultural social work and being culturally sensitive is one thing, but compulsively rechecking my discussion posts and videos out of fear I'll offend someone is OCD. It's the weight of the thought that gets you.

[aparente001]

I think you'll be able to find tribal leadership contact information on the internet. If you decide to give this a try, but you have difficulty, please respond to me and I can try to help.

Would the company allow you to post a short personal statement (written or verbal)?

[G0ldenwr0ught in reply to aparente001]

hi!! I’m not sure how to find tribal leadership, honestly- it feels a bit stupid trying to contact someone out of the blue about this. If you know where to find someone who would be open to giving advice, that would be fantastic.

As far as a short statement goes, I really don’t want it to come to that. I am, as far as I know, the only person who has complained about this, and I really don’t want to throw them under the bus if I can help it. Ideally, this would all be solved quietly and without any drama :,)

[aparente001 in reply to G0ldenwr0ught]

I tried googling and found "Tribal Leaders Directory": bia.gov/service/tribal-lead... -- I hope this is helpful.

[Hidden]

Oh, honey. The problem is Reddit, not you. Stay off social media. It's not good for those of us with anxiety disorders.

[SirUthal]

I will answer this in a way that does not give you reassurance but hopefully will give you some perspective.

First, people will always find something about us that they don’t like if they want to. I’ve been too skinny, too fat, too tall, too short, too nice, too mean, and the list goes on. I don’t care because I’m not trying to please anyone but myself, and other people’s opinions of me don’t matter unless I feel that there is something to the opinion. As I understand it, the problem that you are facing is trying to determine if these thoughts are warranted and that you truly feel this way or if it’s a symptom of OCD.

This company that you are working with has some designs that you find questionable and could be products of cultural appropriation. What is cultural appropriation really? It’s an OPINION. An opinion that we should not share our cultural items with people outside of our cultures, or that others cannot share in our cultures due to whatever reason we can come up with. It’s nonsense. Would you get upset if someone outside of your cultural background wanted to enjoy something culturally significant to you? I wouldn't. Nor would most rational people. The sharing and appreciation of other cultures makes the world great, but the militant protection of our cultures is at root a product of bigotry. Will you let a bigoted opinion influence your decision? Is it truly the design that the company is selling or are they selling materials, craftsmanship, and labor hours along with the design? Do natives sell native items for profit and if so, would an Apache or a Navajo selling an item with a Hopi healing hand design be cultural appropriation?

If thinking about this makes your head spin in circles and increases your anxiety, then it is quite possibly OCD, and you should find a therapist for an official diagnosis. There are ways to manage symptoms medicinally and through talk therapy. Take care!