I think I can do this?

[IamMcLovin]

So I have struggled a lot throughout my life with my mental health. Probably for the last decade almost, as I’m now 22. I have a father with NPD, so I have severe trauma from that growing up, as well as other things along the way. I was finally diagnosed with OCD, GAD, Panic disorder, persistent depressive disorder and addiction disorder almost a year ago now, coming up in April. I have been on Pristique for probably 8 months now and dont feel any help from them anymore. That being said, I’m creating this post because I’m tired of constantly living in fear-due to OCD, my fathers abuse, other anxieties, etc. I want to live my own life and I always have which has made this process even more painful. Again, all of this aside, I know I can do this. I don't care if I have negative thoughts about how I cant do this in the next five minutes. I owe it to myself to try as hard as I possible can because I deserve happiness and love, just like everyone else does. Ocd is a bitch and I’m ready to win. The only thing is my thought that what if I’m crazy? Like I haven't gone to my OCD group therapy in two months because of work, my meds dont seem to help anymore, the only thing thats majorly changed is I’ve moved out from my moms house and I also have very limited contact with my father now. Those things have definitely helped, and I guess the thoughts in my mind of “theres no way your ocd isnt going to pull a stunt and send you into a spiral by next week” is just my ocd trying to get me to stay low, and stay having control over my brain. The funny thing is OCD, I have practice with people trying to control me and have power over me and make me feel like shit. And the difference between now and then is i know i deserve happiness and to heal from those times. I deserve love and all things good. Idk what the purpose of this post was but I hope it gives some inspiration. I feel like if it was another day this would have been a negative post but there seems to be some more determined days happening which I like I’m always here for anyone who would like to chat because there is so much I still want to learn and share.

[PaperTigers]

I just wanted to say that I hope you find joy and happiness and the ability to hold onto it tight, never let go of your determination to live a better life. I am sorry for the hellish things you've no doubt had to face. I pray you have better days ahead. Be strong. God bless.

[Eli_E]

Thanks for sharing! I'm sorry you've been through all this, but I really admire your "I deserve better and I'm going to have it regardless of what OCD is telling me" attitude- that is something I am working on myself!