Did I do something wrong?

[1125_luna]

So I have a lot of trouble with hugging. My ocd thought that I hate is when i hug another women our breasts touch. I know this sounds so weird. But the other day a lady gave me a hug and the thought (ocd thought whenever i hug someone) came in that like i wanted touch her inappropriately. So the habit I’ve been practicing recently was pulling away from hugs quickly so i wouldn’t do anything wrong, or like trying to fight the thought super hard while i’m hugging anyone by saying in my head “i’m not trying to touch them” over and over. But this time I almost wanted to go against that thought that was “i’m not trying to touch her” and just kept hugging her. But I don’t know if like I wanted to touch her inappropriately or not and i’m really scared if i need to go apologize. Right after the hug I felt a huge amount of guilt and it felt like I did something wrong. and even while I was hugging her I felt guilty. I don’t know what to do about this. I feel like I need to go apologize but again I don’t know if it would be appropriate. I’ve talked to my parents about it and they said I didn’t do anything wrong but i still feel really really guilty because I feel like I gave into my intrusive thought when i hugged her longer. But when she let go of the hug I did too, so I didn’t take advantage of her? Did I do something wrong? Does anyone ever feel like this? I’m so scared I wanted to touch her inappropriately by resisting the the thought “i’m not trying to touch her”. Help!

[1125_luna]

I feel like I had the thought that I wanted to given and that’s why i kept hugging her. I’m really scared. I don’t want to harm someone. I am just not sure why I felt so so guilty afterward. Maybe I did do something wrong. Was the thought that I wanted to give in? or just that I wanted to give in and just hug her normally? Because I know at this point any longer hug without resisting the thought seems bad.

[deValentin]

It looks like you're giving a simple gesture of affection added significance that it doesn't deserve. Thoughts come to your mind, "maybe I want to touch the other person inappropriately, maybe my intentions are questionable". Then you go overboard to prove the opposite by repeating reassuring words in your mind. This sometimes makes you feel like ending the hug quickly or making it last longer, depending on the mood or thoughts of the moment. The question is, how to find again a more simple and natural way to give and receive hugs?

Some things function better if you don't think too much about it. If you don't know it, you should listen to the story of a jealous turtle and a dancing millipede online. Overanalysis makes acts that should feel comfortable awkward. It's the same with many of our bodily functions controlled by the autonomic nervous system like salivation or digestion. They work better when left alone.

After your disturbing experience, it may be difficult not to give any meanings to your hugs other than the commonly accepted ones. Don't try to suppress thoughts. The more you try to suppress thoughts, the more they'll persist. Don't pressure yourself having appropriate thoughts either. It's not sustainable. You can create favorable conditions for the return of "natural hugging practices", but they have to return on their own. You can't force them. Just have patience and faith in yourself.

[1125_luna in reply to deValentin]

Thank you that was really helpful!

[LiveOutLove_22]

Hey I understand what your going through. I don't like to hug either. I prefer not to hug or shake hands with people. But I struggle with contamination OCD so that is a big part of why I don't like to hug people or be hugged. I think everyone that struggles with OCD plays into there intrusive thoughts. They tend to come at the worst times or the most random times and try to consume your whole day. I think the important thing is to acknowledge the thought but not sit and dwell with it. To me you didn't do anything wrong. We all struggle with giving in to our intrusive thoughts. But the fact that you are so disturbed by this lets me know you are good, caring, thoughtful person. It is also normal with OCD to assume that intrusive thoughts define us but it doesn't. Not sure if your in therapy but you have to keep on going and living life. It's ok if you don't like to hug, I don't either but OCD says we need to avoid it when we don't. I would say don't feel guilty we all struggle with these pesky intrusive thoughts. Just remember to give yourself compassion and grace. We all struggle with this your not alone.

[1125_luna in reply to LiveOutLove_22]

Thank you I really appreciate it. It’s great to know I’m not alone in this.

[Midori]

Hi Luna,

Not everybody likes to be hugged; so if you don't say something like 'I'm not a hugger'., or 'I prefer not to hug'.

There are no rules saying you have to hug another person; it has just become more common nowadays.

I am selective about who I hug, family, yes, some friends, but everyone else it's a handshake.

Cheers, Midori