I struggle like never before...

[axaxou]

I need help! My OCD has attached into something I've really done.

I am a 20 years old guy and last week, out of stupidity, had one sexual encounter with a 44 years old man. Now I feel sick with myself, humiliated and gross.

But mostly of all I feel used. I want to get over it but it keeps on playing in my mind, this- the sexual encounter.

I don't know what else to do. I've called many hotlines to help myself but nothing has worked. I have called my doctor and he has changed a little bit my meds but I still feel the same. I don't know if I'm gonna ever get over it, but I want to sooooo bad. Just to stop thinking about this one thing. :/

[Erikanicolewhite86]

Okay, first try and give me a little bit more info about you and your OCD itself. What kind of OCD do you think you have, and what are your specific rituals & tendencies with it, etc.?

Also, you said you did this out of stupidity. But there must've been some other reason, even if they were maybe subconscious ones or lack of will power, or maybe something else. I mean, what do you consider your sexual orientation overall?

[axaxou in reply to Erikanicolewhite86]

I have what seems to be Real event OCD. It's basically a form of OCD in which you obsess about things you've really done. Common compulsive behaviors are: confessing, searching on the internet for people with similar issues etc.

What I did wasn't that much because of stupidity but, in fact, because I had very strong sexual desire at that moment.

I'm definitely gay.

[Erikanicolewhite86 in reply to axaxou]

Okay, I just did a little more research on that type of OCD, and it talks a lot about trying some form of exposure and response prevention (ERP) therapy... Have you, by chance, been able to ever try that in any way?

[axaxou in reply to Erikanicolewhite86]

No. I haven't been able to do that.

And I don't know if I'm ever gonna break free from this awful illness.

[axaxou]

Thanks !! I'm better now

[Hidden]

How would ERP work with real event OCD?