Hello, I'm new to you. I'll try to be brief.
I think I have OCD with the theme of sexual orientation. It all started in October 2016, after a trigger, I started having quite strong intrusive thoughts, images, constant anxiety, scenario tests, I was constantly ruminating, I was looking for similar cases on the web. Last year, everything started to get better: I understood how my obsessions worked, little by little they almost went silent, more intrusive thoughts, more false attraction, more anxiety. At the end of all this, when there was almost nothing left (a few intrusive thoughts, nothing more), I started to focus on the eyebrows and notice defects on the faces of girls I found attractive. And little by little, my attraction almost completely evaporated. I found fewer and fewer girls attractive, I found them more and more flaws. Little by little it spread to the whole female gender. It's as if I had, overnight, become incredibly more selective with women. And nothing has changed since then.
For a few days at first, I thought it was just OCD, I was testing myself, I had anxiety at times but nothing more... And little by little... Anxiety increased, attraction never increased, sometimes it even decreased. I was afraid, I tested myself, hoping that my attraction would come back, I looked for cases similar to mine... In the evening I cried, I prayed (although I am not especially religious). My loss of attraction occupied most of my time, when I had nothing to do, I thought about it. I haven't been anxious for a while now, but it's been a year, a year since my aesthetic attraction to the opposite sex almost completely disappeared, a year since nothing has returned, a year since it gnaws at me from the inside. I just want the attraction to return to the way it was before. I'm afraid it'll never come back or never come back entirely.
I don't really know if it's OCD or not. I don't really have any anxiety anymore, I almost don't test myself anymore, I don't even think I care about my loss of attraction anymore for a few days. Everyone seems to find their attraction once in this situation, but not me.
I want my attraction to come back.
I now come to my questions:
- Do you think my attraction will return to the way it was before? Is that possible?
- How do I get my aesthetic attraction back?