Hi everyone. I wasn’t technically diagnosed with OCD but had symptoms of it since I was 13. I got prescribed prozac and went to therapy for about a year where I finally was able to get the intrusive thoughts under control and barely had them for about 7 years. About a month ago my family dealt with a house fire while my brother and I were in the house. It was extremely scary and stressful but thought nothing of it until a couple days later the extreme anxiousness and intrusive thoughts popped up again. (I would like to add in that almost a year ago my father passed away and about 6 months ago I was in a car accident.) I have gotten to the point where I am anxious almost all the time and am scared to do anything whether that be going to the grocery store or simply hanging out with friends. It has made me not want to become a nurse or have kids in the future because of how uneasy and horrible the thoughts make me feel. I also feel like i’m going to ruin my relationship because of them and wanted to move to a different state in the fall but feel like the OCD is now holding me back which i do not want it to do. I’m wondering if anyone has some helpful tips because I want to get the point I was at again with managing all of this and do not want to live the way I have been for the past month anymore.
Sick of the way Im feeling: Hi everyone. I... - My OCD Community
Sick of the way Im feeling
I think almost everyone on the board has felt the way you feel. I too had years of peace after therapy, but have also had a relapse. It’s very common especially due to all the trauma you’ve been through. First off you need to get back into therapy with an OCD specialist. Your brain has to relearn the tools to help you. Remember OCD is treatable. There are also some great books that can help. I like the OCD workbook , but I’m sure others on this board can give you other suggestions. There are also good videos put out by the IODC foundation you can find on YouTube. I’m not sure if you’re still on meds, but they can help as well. I truly understand the anxiety and I’m sure everyone else on this board can relate. After all OCD is an anxiety disorder. There is help and you can get better, you did it before. I hope this helps!! Keep us posted.
I appreciate your reply so much and this group has definitely made me feel a lot better knowing that people go through very similar things, especially since when I was younger I thought I was the only one. I’m definitely going to try out the OCD workbook because i’ve heard great things. I am back in therapy and have my third session on Monday and always feel great right after. I am also on 40mg of prozac now and am hoping that kicks in as well.
You are so welcome! I’m so happy you’re back in therapy, I’m currently 69 years old and I have had OCD since I was 15. Back then no one knew what was wrong with me. It wasn’t until I was in my 50’s that I got real help. So I am happy for you that you can get the help you need at your age. Remember there will be ups and downs but you can always come back to these boards and know there are people that understand.
OCD recovery is a bumpy road. In times of stress, like you experienced yourself, OCD often resurfaces. Usually overthinking or direct efforts to stop intrusive thoughts is what feed them. The question is, how to prepare for or handle relapses?
The problem is that if you consider an action contrary to your values, your conscience will generally disturb you and dissuade you from going ahead. However, with overthinking/ruminations it's different. In the moment, you don't feel bad engaging in ruminations because - who knows? - they could solve the dilemma that's presently tormenting you. Actually, to engage in ruminations provides some short-time relief, so it's important to look at the big picture. You need to reflect upon the long-term costs of OCD and the long-term gains of treatment. Exposure and response prevention is one of the best treatments. EPR asks you to stop a search for more certainty or better answers when it becomes self-destructive, whether you found what you were looking for or not. It's not easy because stopping a search for greater peace of mind may make you miss something critical, but, in the end, you'd be glad you did it because its costs are too high. However, it takes time to get results.
I'm hoping that OCD won't prevent you from enjoying life and accomplishing what you want to accomplish in life. What's important is to go step by step in the right direction, so you never lose a healthy trust in yourself and the future.
Thank you so much for your reply. I am now in therapy and hoping to bring up EPR to her as iv read through some other people’s stories and heard great things.
I think lexapro works better on 25mg I'm presently getting off .75 mg klonopin. i had a relapse after 7 years and they switched me to prozac 80 mg and it did nothing for me. also have done erp. Took 7 months playing with meds now getting off .75 mg klonopin . also tried buspar not happy with the results. I still think lexapro is a better and quicker drug than prozac.
I'm afraid that OCD reacts to stress, and you've had some major stresses in your life recently.
It is a fluctuating condition, and though you're likely to have relapses, you will also have good periods. Always remember that when you're having a setback!
Get in touch with your doctor, and if possible, ask for a referral to a psychiatrist and a CBT therapist who understands OCD. A refresher course of therapy could help.
A couple of self-help books could also be of use here. I always suggest Overcoming Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and The OCD Workbook, but there are others - some have been suggested on this forum. Also check out Overcoming Unwanted Intrusive Thoughts by Sally M Winston and Martin N Self.
There's no reason why you shouldn't fulfil your ambitions to be a nurse, or your relationship and aspirations for family life. Lots of people with OCD manage these - and have successful careers and good home lives. Perhaps give yourself a bit of a rest - and gradually start reclaiming your old life.
I had really bad agoraphobia (fear of going out) alongside my OCD. I started by going a little way down the road and back, or to nearby small shops. Gradually I began to regain some of my lost freedom.
Perhaps meet with one or two good friends, who are patient and understanding about your OCD - just for a coffee or something similar, to get you back out there.
Don't put any plans on hold, but be patient with yourself and replace 'I must' or 'I mustn't' with 'I should like to'!
And don't go ruminating about decisions. Concentrate on the positives of any decision you make rather than weighing it up in your mind, back and forth while reserving yourself the right to alter any decision you make, if it's not right for you. So if you want to move to another state, you can make plans, but concentrate on the benefits and don't go over and over your decision. But don't feel you have to rush it either. The problem is that OCD can play havoc with decision making.
These traumas in your life are unsettling, and you need to give yourself a chance to get over them. Losing a parent, particularly as you're still so young, is quite a shock to the system, and don't expect just to snap out of losing your father.
Best of luck on your journey!
Thank you for your reply it truly makes me feel better reading it and knowing that I am not alone. The stressors are definitely what caused the OCD to spiral out of control again. I went out with one of my best friends yesterday and explained to her what I was going through even though I was terrified of judgement and she was so supportive. I did have anxiety for the first 10 minutes of going out but once i calmed down my mind I was alright and had a great time seeing her! I also am seeing a therapist again and she said she specialized in OCD so I am really hoping that that helps!
That's great. Little steps - they all add up! Having friends you can be honest with about your OCD really helps - it means you don't have to waste energy explaining things to them.
I've found that really wanting to do something motivates me to put aside the OCD and stop me letting it hold me back. Therapy favours the carrot rather than the stick!
Having a therapist whose expertise is in OCD is important. CBT and ERP actually work, although they can be hard work to do.
I took 80 mg prozac for 17 years. This time it didn't work Lexapro works faster too.
hello,
I am sorry to hear what you have been through recently. Being a firefighter I see and feel first hand a lot of the emotions you are having when I go one calls like you mentioned. I have seen a lot of things in the past both with car accidents and with house fires, and I know it affects me a lot with my ocd. One thing I’ve found helps it talking with my therapist about all of it. She describes these events like a party invite for OCD. And change, good or bad, is an invite because ocd feeds off of change. A big step is to recognize that this is totally normal to have ocd be louder now with everything that has happened. Combine that with keeping it bottled up, it leaves you to think about it all the time and let’s ocd latch on. Having a therapist helps you with guiding you through the grief of a lost loved one, the memory of the accident and the fire. They can be an outlet for you to express what your are thinking and get validation that it’s okay to feel the ways you do. They can also offer helpful tools for you to move forward. I find making check in appointments with my therapist very helpful. Especially because of how often these things occur, sometimes they build up and I don’t notice, and I am able to be helped with identifying what ocd tendencies are coming from that.
As for your goals and what you have in front of you, my biggest advice is to not let ocd stand in your way of things you were going to or wanted to do. OCD feeds off of stopping you in your tracks and making you feel “safe” in a comfortable bubble. It wants you to be sure. Big change like moving, relationships, kids, are all change, and can be good change. We need to not let ocd interfere with what our goals are. As I’ve read in many books, ocd is not the problem, it is when it stops us from doing what we set out to do that makes a problem. I hope this helps and you can get the support you are looking for through this moment.
Thank you so much for your reply. I have started seeing a therapist again as I want to get better again before it gets even worse and am on 40mg of prozac now as well. It feels nice hearing from someone who is in the healthcare field because I want to be in it as well but always get scared that I wouldn’t be a good fit because of the thoughts randomly getting out of control. I appreciate your advice so much.
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