A good day?

[disneyandme]

Hi everyone... Has anyone else ever felt wrong when they have a good day? Today I've barely had any thoughts at all, I just feel like myself. Which should be good, but now it has me worrying "what if I don't really have OCD, what if it was something else, maybe I actually felt that way" Etc. Ive never officially been diagnosed, I'm going to see an OCD therapist in the next few weeks (waiting to hear back) but I completely relate to and fit all the classic symptoms. I don't know, maybe this is just OCD trying to find another thing for me to worry about... I feel odd complaining about feeling better.

[Pob76]

Me today! Took my new meds,felt less anxious and then boom, who do I think I am not feeling shitty ,here’s a new theme to obsess about.

[disneyandme in reply to Pob76]

Yes I agree! I’m just gonna do my best to treat it the same as any other OCD theme — use ERP and not give into the thoughts. Slow and steady progress, I fully believe you and I will both make it to a place where we won’t feel this way. Progress is progress. Best of luck to you, glad someone can relate

[MyOCD123]

Hi! I think this is absolutely normal and just another obsession that OCD wants you to latch onto. After consistently doing ERP and no longer fearing some of my thoughts, I began to feel extremely guilty. OCD always wants me to think that I’m a bad person who doesn’t deserve a good life. Or other times I think I must actually be a sociopath for the intrusive thoughts not to bother me anymore, but this is just OCD once again trying to play tricks and keep me in its grasp. Be kind to yourself as often as you can, it’s one of the biggest slaps in the face for OCD. Your feelings are normal and I’m so glad to hear you’re seeing a specialist soon! Keep on fighting 💖

[Hidden in reply to MyOCD123]

Hi 123, (and everyone else) - Your response brings me to something I've been wondering. I was abused as a child in every way except sexually. Of course this caused any self-esteem I ever had a chance to develop to completely erode. I've wondered if everyone who develops OCD has gone through some type of abuse or trauma beforehand. I also wonder if most people who had OCD have terrible self-esteem, and what some of the things to help improve this are.

[MyOCD123 in reply to Hidden]

Hi! First off I’m so sorry to hear that happened to you when you were a child. Please know that you were in no way responsible for that and did not deserve the abuse that was inflicted upon you. I think your question is interesting and maybe a good chunk of the OCD community have experienced past trauma that led to their disorder. I can say for me that this was not the case. I was blessed with a great childhood and a great life and yet I started showing symptoms as early as age 7. I believe my OCD is genetic as anxiety runs strong on one side of my family and I think that there are other members of my family who also have this disorder but like everyone else is hiding it. I will say that OCD has definitely effected my self-esteem. I think the best thing we can do is to just simply be kind to ourselves and treat yourself how you would a good friend. I also like to remind myself just how strong I am to be battling this, it’s not easy and we should all be proud of our ability to live with this disorder. Those are just my thoughts but who knows for sure. I wish we had more answers on the science behind OCD.

[Hidden in reply to MyOCD123]

Thank you, 123. That is VERY interesting to me that you had a happy childhood and also suffer with OCD. We do have to be strong people to battle this!

[disneyandme in reply to Hidden]

Hi! I know this wasn't directed at me, but I thought your comment was interesting as well! As far as the causes of OCD, I think they can vary from person to person. The one thing science has found is that there is definitely a strong genetic link. Whether or not this is required, I'm not sure. But in addition this, those with OCD tend to share a lot of similar traits that make them more susceptible to developing the disease -- highly sensitive, intelligent, and vivid imaginations are some of these. As I don't know you personally I can't say whether or not you can relate to these, but my guess would be that you do. For me, I've seen slight signs of OCD since childhood. It layed dormant until I was 19 and went through some really difficult times (loss and drastic changes in my life). So yes, part of me feels like trauma can spark OCD, but I think we were all born with genetics that make us more susceptible to this (whether family members have OCD or not, they passed down a combo of genes to us that make us more likely to develop it). Well wishes to you, and I'm very sorry for all you've had to go through.

Oh and also, I dont think everyone who has ocd has low self esteem and if they do it can definitely be worked on it's easy to let OCD make you feel powerless and have low self esteem, but it shouldn't and doesnt have to be that way. Sending you love

[Hidden in reply to disneyandme]

Thank you so much, Disney. I believe you had said earlier that you haven't been officially diagnosed with OCD, yet you have so much insight into it. Yes, I am VERY highly sensitive, and was in the top of my classes all through school (which was a long time ago!) As far as imagination, I never thought of myself as being imaginative. I liked dolls, but I didn't play with them and make them talk to each other like my sister did. I'm not sure if I'm imaginative or not. I feel like my OCD unbelievably analyzes every little thing that I fear, i.e. Could this possibly happen, What if, What if, What if?????? I'm thinking that OCD could just as easily have been termed the What If disease as well if not more so than the doubting disease.

[ISTY]

Just feel good and enjoy it be you maybe the ocd got tired and you won!! Wishing you all good days.

[disneyandme in reply to ISTY]

You’re right! Wishing you well

[Dutch-girl]

Yes! I feel guilty for felling good! Why is that? That is what makes it so difficult for me to do ERP! Do I deserve to get well? This is so frustrating!

[disneyandme in reply to Dutch-girl]

We all do! And its normal to feel this way, we’ll get past this! Best wishes

[Blue274]

Nope! I LOVE THEM!

[bab5]

This might be the most relatable post I’ve ever seen in this community.

Thankfully, these types of days are becoming more and more common for me. For this, I am thankful.

I constantly worry that I don’t actually have OCD. This is simply OCD.

Have you yet been officially diagnosed?

Are you still seeing that OCD therapist?

That sounds like you may have OCD.

This seems like OCD.

I constantly complain that I am feeling better.

It is an awful spiral.

[disneyandme in reply to bab5]

Yes, I was officially diagnosed about a month ago! Since posting this, I've learned a lot more about OCD and catch myself quicker when it tries to tell me things like "what if you don't ACTUALLY have OCD". I do, and that statement in itself is a very OCD statement. I'm doing a lot better now, I still have my rough days but most are positive now. Putting in the work is hard, and I doubt myself a lot, but it's all worth it. My therapist is very helpful and seems to understand OCD well. Glad to hear you've been doing better as well!