Well everyone OCD is running rampant in me more and more again . Anxiety and stress driven. My job is almost impossible to work it seems and still no family support yet but hoping. I’m stuck !! Can’t figure out what shirt to put on today because fear of it being the “wrong” one and bad images or Fear. I can’t even finish the last sentence with what I really want to say cause I’m afraid what I type will be wrong and that too could cause images and bad thoughts. These days I’ve gotten to the point I push myself to try and put whatever shirt on and TRY to fight through the utter fear and have faith I chose correctly. But now I feel defeated and extremely scared I picked the wrong shirt today. So I’ll walk out the door shaking and fearful of something bad all day long. It’s exhausting.
I had started doing better, but this is what OCD does. It comes roaring back and takes you over AGAIN
This sucks .
Sorry everyone. I know I try to be more positive in other posts, but reality is “ I AM OCD” . Struggling again to get through another day.
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I’m sorry you’re going through this really rough time. It sucks how OCD can come at you with a force. I saw someone say to expect and accept that OCD will do that kind of thing. I don’t know if it helps to think that way to take away some of the the power of the OCD thoughts
Thank you very much for being there. That is definitely true.
I struggle with that , and after all these years I thought I’d be able to control it like that more than I do.
Just when things get this bad it feels completely out of control. It’s kind of like I’m in a box with no lights trying to find my way out , buried underground and losing air fast. I will try to curve my thoughts like you mentioned. Hoping I can . Thank you again
something bad or horrible happening to someone I love and it would be my fault because I didn’t pick the correct shirt to put on or typed the sentence wrong when I posted my post . One thing feeds the other and it just spirals out of control
Sounds like Harm OCD to me. I have that as well. I always remember the words my mother told me years and years ago when I told her some of my fear of harming someone with my thoughts. She said to me "______ (my name) you are NOT that powerful". Wow. Did that ever hit home for me. It is so true.
It's difficult but some things to think about:
* These thoughts are only thoughts. They are NOT reality. Feelings and thoughts are NOT FACTS.
* OCD is a bully. It loves to haunt you with these fears that are not true.
Try learning more about Harm OCD. I bought the book "Overcoming Harm OCD" by Jon Hershfield. It's very good. I order my books from Amazon.
It's so hard but you have to learn to sit with uncertainty. It feels horrible thinking that something might happen to someone you love, but OCD loves that. We have to learn to sit with it (uncertainty) and NOT compulse. Believe me, I know how hard this is. But the more you can do it, the more you will realize that you can. I am one that just ruminates and ruminates about these things in my head....what might happen if I do this...what might happen if I do that. I have now learned that the more I ruminate the worse OCD gets. I will NEVER figure it out, so little by little I learned to stop it. Yes, I fail sometimes, but if I acknowledge I did, pick myself up and I'll do better next time.
The more you learn about Harm OCD, make yourself some index cards with things that seem to help, like "Thoughts are not facts", etc. When you are tempted to ruminate about what shirt to wear, etc. pull out these cards and read them to yourself. I have my pack of index cards handy. The book will also give you tips to help you.
I hope some of this is helpful to you. Hang in there. Are you in therapy for OCD??
HelloThank you so much for the great info and support.
I’m not very good with putting my words together when I’m going through this so I probably didn’t sound clear and I was confusing....But that’s because I’m actually afraid to say what it is I’m actually thinking at that moment out of fear if I say those words or type them it could come true.
So I couldn’t really explain very well at the time . I apologize for being confusing. But what I’m dealing with is more like that I’m worried about someone I love being hurt by others, or dying in general from something because I didn’t do a particular compulsion /ritual the “correct” way.
I didn’t mean me causing harm. I’m very sorry about my confusing wording on that.
But I can see what your saying about the thought process. It makes sense . And the cards would probably still help right ?
Thank you so much again for responding and your support
I've found that some tips help me and some don't. Everyone is different. Find the things that will help you. I understand what you were saying above. Been there
So sorry to hear things are so difficult for you. I had a similar experience after 5 years of been well it all came roaring back, the whole lot, OCD depression and anxiety. Hang in there its so hard I know. 🙂
I'm so sorry to hear I know the feeling I'm wishing you to feel better I'm here for you you deserve to feel at peace I just wanna let you know that you are not your thoughts, and here is why you want the thoughts to stop you know? someone that will actually want the thoughts will want more and more of those thoughts you know what I mean? we will get through this your not alone! wishing you a good recovery!
here are some youtubers that have helped with my OCD I really recommend them!
Thank you Mia for reaching out and the helpful info. I will look at these and hope to get some relief. Thank you also, (just like the others who have replied), for making sure I know I’m not alone. Everyone’s support makes a difference and helps me make it through a day
I’m sorry you’re going through this too. My heart goes out to you also . I’ve actually had some bad things happen and it makes the obsessions and compulsions that much more intense because I end up blaming myself for the things that happened. I realize I guess that maybe the timing of things happening were coincidental, but it sure feels real and like I caused it .Thank you for understanding and the support. I really appreciate it and I hope things for you are better
Sorry, you're having a hard time. You say you were doing better and you'll do better again. OCD wins some days, but it doesn't win'em all. Hang in there! You are not alone.
Thank you so much!! You’re right. I get blinded by the pain from this and a mind flooded with these thoughts , and I forget to realize that I was doing better at one point and it should hopefully get better again.
Hi there Thank you so much for reaching out and caring and the support. Definitely a lot of amazing people supportive of me, including you, and I thank all of you so much .
Last week and weekend were very rough.
Last night I thought some progress was being made .
But Today I lost all hope for now that my family will ever try to learn about what I’m dealing with and want to talk about it and understand.
It seems like I stress everyone out because of what I’m dealing with and on top of the OCD I’m severely depressed.
Tonight ended in a disagreement out of no where that blindsided me and I feel like I’m just causing everyone else problems because of OCD and depression.
It’s hard because I get told they want to understand and help , but they don’t know how to.
So I’ve offered up the 1st step of just sitting down and talking to me and listening to details of the types of things I go through over the years.
My counselor and all the very supportive people on here have offered great info and suggestions that my family could try , but it all just fell apart tonight with my family.
So I’ve just given up on trying for now. If they think I’m expecting too much then I cannot change that . I just had hoped.
But I do have my family here now in this OCD community that supports me and understands me. It’s really helped me to finally feel like I can get loose from that trap every now and then and communicate with everyone on here openly and know that you all care .
I do believe my family loves me , I guess.
But I honestly don’t know that they should , or why they would want to.
I’m kind of teetering back and forth with all those thoughts and it’s just tough .
I’m so grateful you wrote back. I’m so sorry you’ve been having a rough time. I can relate to struggling with family support. My husband didn’t understand my OCD for a long time. My therapist spoke to him and I tried to explain what I needed to him, but he just wasn’t ready to understand. It was very disheartening. Like you, I also have depression with my OCD, and I hit a point where with or without his support I just wanted to feel better. Taking care of myself was the best thing I could have done. As I recovered and learned more about my condition I was able to educate him gently and with compassion. He’s now fully supportive. Sometimes, family members need time and patience to accept a diagnosis just like we do.
Having the support of my OCD peers has made such a difference in my life and I’m so happy you feel like it’s a family for you. We are all in this together. Please feel free to reach out if you need.
Hey!!I just wanted to let you know I know EXACTLY what you mean by not being able to pick out a shirt. I have so much clothes that I'm not allowed to wear because something might happen and im uncomfortable all day! It's the same when I'm picking out objects in a store. Sometimes I just wanna wear my cool shirts without worrying all day!!! And if I wear it and something bad happens, I will DEFINITELY blame the shirt no questions asked. My gut feeling is right alot of the time in logical everyday situations, however I think I associate gut feelings with the anxiety behind ocd and actually think its a gut feeling so I REALLLY think it's going to happen. Even right now how sure am I that the bad thing didnt happen because of the shirt? I completely understand and im here for u.
Hey Hammyy......thank you for replying and letting me know you have those same obsessions and compulsions. Although it absolutely SUCKS that we have this going on , and we have such a hard time, it helps for sure to be able to relate to each other.
It just really helps to feel like I can talk to someone who cares and will understand. Thank you so much for that .
I get exactly what your saying.
I am still thinking about the shirt and there are other episodes where it’s so scary that I feel like I caused something bad. It just doesn’t want to let us go does it ?
OCD just keeps pushing and suffocating us sometimes.
I try to stay away from talking about higher powers , God , etc, because I don’t usually discuss those things openly , but I have found over the years that if I can manage to actually get a prayer into my God and I try really hard to try and trust that my God will help get me through the episode by having faith that he will, then it can sometimes shorten the episodes.
The hard part is getting my mind to allow me to actually learn to have faith without OCD taking over.
It took me many many many years before I found that, and it definitely does not fix most of it, because even praying leads to an obsession and eventually a compulsive action I just can’t get through.
But it’s the one thing I’ve found that can help when I have no other options.
I started this back probably 18 years ago when I was down in our basement and I got hit hard with an episode.
No matter what compulsive act I did , it just led to the next one and next one and so on.
I had already been going through horrible regression with OCD and that particular day was so bad I couldn’t get back up the stairs out of basement.
I don’t know how long I actually stayed down there trying to do the “right” thing to save my loved ones and feel relief, but it seemed like hours before I was able to make it back up the steps.
I broke down worse than ever and I screamed out to God begging for help and to give me any relief at all because I didn’t think I was going to make it.
To this day I believe that moment, and one of my very intense counseling sessions were two major things that seemed to finally help me start to find a way to get “Some” relief.
It definitely wasn’t , and isn’t , a cure by any means.
But having something to have faith in gave me a way to try and turn over my horrible anguish to a higher power that I felt could take a little bit of my pain away .
Recently when I had the episode and regression I posted about, I really struggled. If I didn’t try and use my faith, I would probably still be sitting there trying to figure out what shirt was safe .
Everyone has their own things we try to do to get through the really difficult compulsions , so the things I try may not work for others , but I just thought I would mention it because it has given me “SOME” ability to get through the difficult times.
Believing in a higher power can be tough for any of us with OCD in my opinion. I tried reading bible and I cannot even do it without having OCD take over . Or praying I cannot even do without OCD being involved and eventually taking over.
So often I just give up on it.
But when I can do those things every now and then , by giving up my problems and pain to my God , it appears I get relief at times.
Maybe I’m fooling myself, not sure.
But I like to try and believe my higher power heard me that day in basement and knew I couldn’t take anymore pain that I was given.
Hope you can find a way to try this along with help from docs and meds.
I know what you mean about giving it up to God. I sometimes have to do that as well and I truly believe that God does not want us to suffer like this. God gives us ways to work through our problems in one way or another and is ALWAYS listening. I struggle with prayer at times because the OCD can sneak in and turn it into a compulsion but I believe God knows our hearts and it’s a comfort to know that. You have the power within yourself as we all do to help ourselves.
I was really afraid to post that at first out of fear it might come across like I was pressuring people to do that. I am so glad now that I posted it and that you responded with same feelings. It’s comforting to know you experience that too. Thank you so much.“Definitely” OCD gets in way of prayers and can drive me to be mad at God and not want to believe.
It’s probably one of the most difficult things to do. I get it completely.
Hopefully someone will be able to try it and have some relief. Even if we suffer 24 hours a day with OCD, if we can win 1 hour of our life back , or even 10 minutes by giving our struggle to our higher power and letting them deal with it, then it’s a step in better direction even for that moment.
Waaayyyyyy easier said than done . I’m living proof of that . But hopefully someone will see some good from it.
Reality is I will probably be right back on here sometime soon of a struggling week I had with many episodes and struggles. I’ll be hoping to hear from all my OCD family here to help pick me up. But I hope those moments get lesser in frequency one day.
After dealing with OCD since I was an early child, and now early 50’s, that little bit of relief I can “sometimes “ get certainly helps me.
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