I struggle a lot with Harm OCD and have some pretty dark intrusive thoughts. My OCD likes to tell me what a terrible person I am and create false memories of crimes I supposedly committed. I struggle when I see news stories in my area and the disease will jump on the opportunity whenever I come across a triggering headline and try to convince me that I was somehow involved or responsible for that crime. I usually end up racking my brain for “recovered memories” that don’t actually exist and making sure I am always accounted for. I will also google in my area to be sure I didn’t harm anyone. But I know that googling and checking/scanning my brain is just a compulsion that I need to quit (easier said than done). The OCD makes me truly believe at times that I am guilty of terrible things and unworthy of a good life, and well I can usually do a good job of ignoring those thoughts I’m struggling a bit today. I typically just remind myself that nothing it has ever told me before has turned out to have an ounce of truth but I’m wondering if anyone else struggles with the feeling of guilt that they could have actually done something, and what positive things do you find helpful in resisting the compulsions to check things? Any and all advice is welcome!
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MyOCD123
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It definitely is the OCD making you feel guilty. We who have OCD are some of the most conscientious people that exist and the last thing we want to do is harm someone. You are a compassionate person and be proud of that.😉
Thank you! I try to remind myself of this everyday but the OCD monster can be very convincing. I think all people with OCD need to be kinder to themselves and that’s definitely something I’m working on.
This is something i deal with everyday. I have a hierarchy of news channels and outlets that I use to document things in real time as possible. Checking during the night, and all through the day. It never satisfies. My therapist had me unfollow and stop watching these. Gradually waiting x amount of minutes per check. I found this to be the most difficult part of ocd and I definitely relate. We are not our thoughts! But man do I ever relate.
Yes! The giving up the checking is so so so hard because you feel more guilty for not trying to figure out if you harmed someone. It’s something I struggle with a lot too. Thank you for sharing! I’m loving this community!
Hello. I, too, struggle with Harm OCD. However, my intrusive thoughts differ from yours. I do, though, definitely understand what you go through when you suffer through checking rituals to make sure that you are not responsible for crimes.
OCD preys on any doubts. It is clear that we both suffer from that specific portion of the disorder.
It is much easier, obviously, SAID than DONE. That is indisputable
There are good days and bad days. I know exactly how that feels
The reassurance method is a temporarily relief but it does not work in the long run. This is part of the reason why it has been very hard for you (and me) to drop certain rituals.
I have similar guilt feelings. The difference, for me, is in relation to the content of the intrusive thoughts
I find therapy and medication very helpful. Life-savers.
Agreed on the therapy and medication! It truly has given me a large part of my life back. I try my best to live with the uncertainty and remind myself that even if I keep doing compulsions I will still not have the certainty I so desperately crave. It’s such a relief to be able to talk to people who suffer from the same disease.
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